Raising a (girly) girl

By Lori

I've never been much of a "girls' girl." I shy away from mascara and ruffles. Through high school, most of my friends were guys. It's only in the last few years that I've cultivated relationships with women. Domesticity is important to me since Emma was born, baking cookies and cleaning house and the whole lot. But it's certainly not all of me, and I'm glad I live in a time where it doesn't have to be. I reject a lot of the typical gender roles, and my biggest hope is that Emma will, too. I don't ever want her to be limited just because she's a girl. The world is her oyster right now, and I hate the idea that her gender could ever close the shell, even the slightest bit.

When I was pregnant, Adam and I swore we wouldn't dress Emma in all pink. So much of the newborn stuff is unisex that we were allowed to harbor that fantasy for a little while. She wore baby blues, greens and yellows along with the pink and purple. Her car seat was navy. Her room was in pastels, but could've worked for a boy or a girl.

As she grew, we too began mining the boys' section. All of the girl shorts and jeans are flowered or embroidered. Sweats for toddler girls have words across the bottom. Nothing comes without a frill or cutesy addition. So, we've given in. We try to find the plain stuff, but she looks darn cute in pink, too. Her hair is pulled back in clippies, every day, but only because it's so unruly otherwise. She doesn't do lace or velvet or starched white collars, but she's got a pair of Mary Janes I wish they made in my size.

Without giving it much thought, we filled her toybox with puzzles and balls, musical instruments and Legos. She didn't own a doll until she was 15 months old, after she'd demonstrated interest.

She does own a play kitchen, loves dress up and tends to her stuffed animals like a perfect little mother. But still, an incident this weekend caught me off guard.

We were flipping through a Fisher Price catalog. She'd carefully examine each page, finding toys she has or ones she'd like. When she got to a section with robots and transformers, she skipped a few pages. Adam asked her to slow down, that she'd missed something. "Those are boys' toys," she scoffed. There wasn't a single kid on the page.

How did she know? What made those toys different?

Along with the Leap Pad, the U.S. map puzzle, the gear set and the stamping kit wrapped across the room right now ... is a dollhouse. And little people. And furniture to fill the rooms. It's all so sweet, from her grandpa, and I'm so excited for her to open all of the stuff. She's very into pretend play, and we're going to have lots of fun.

But it worries me a little. Her first choice at Halloween was to be a princess. She was beautiful. And I got into it. About as much as I'm into the dollhouse now.

One of my biggest fears is raising a girly girl. Even though Emma rushes to play with the trains at the library and jumps right into the dirt at the park, I worry about her love of Angelina Ballerina and helping me put on what little makeup I wear. I worry that with all the right things we do, teaching her about the world around her, we're doing a big wrong one: teaching her how the world will see her.

Maybe she does need to know how she will be viewed -- so she can reject that idea. I want her to be beautiful and know the power she can wield because of that. But I want her sharply-tuned mind to be her finest asset. I want her to know the joy of motherhood, but also that she is so much more than "just a mother." I want her to have deep, lasting relationships with girlfriends, but to be one of the guys, too.

And as much as I want her to be free from stereotypes to be herself, I know I have to let her decide who she is. If she wants to be a cheerleader instead of a soccer player, I'll have to learn to live with that. And realize that -- like the dollhouse or the plastic heels she parades around in now -- it's only a part of who she is and will be.

Comments

[alexis]

i am 10 and i tried on my moms thongs i dont get it they are so uncomfotable.but my fried likes them i dont understand.

[beth]

I would like apologize to everyone in advance for this. But also read the whole post or it won't make any lodgical sense. I was looking at another thread on this site that girls had posted how should they deal with their parents about wearing thongs, but the comments were closed. so here i am. I personally thing tht girls under 14 should not wear thongs. and i believe that girls over that age should only wear thongs if it is for personal issues (more comfortable, no vpls, etc.) rather than to seem more appealing to others. if it is only to have more managable underwear, it is something that is probably not going to be hanging out of the girls pants, skirts, whatever. If this is the case then they should wear the thongs regardless of the parents opinion (to avoid confrontation, they shouldn't know about it. if it is for more managablity, this shouldn't be hard because NOBODY else will be seeing them) and int this case, it does not concern the parents anyway. it is something that does nothing that leads to a bad life or anything else the parents fear for there children. if they would still have complaints about the thongs, then it is for the parents own appearence to THEIR friends or they simply can't stand something that seems out of place in the highest remote. so that is why i say that if girls at least 14 want to wear thongs for there own personal comfort and there parents do not alow it, then they should do it anyway because it does not mean anything that the parents should worry about. but the girls should really try to reason with the parents before concluding that they are wrong and the girls conclude that they are right in wanting to wear thongs first.

[Sarah]

And Why do girls want to wear thongs?

[Sarah]

At what age do girls start wearing thongs?

[A.J.]

Yes, my girlfriend wears a thong. It's normal.

[Alex]

dear britteny,13 yr olds should be allowed to wear a thong.Wearing a thong does not make you slutty and doesnt mean you will start wearing slutty clothes either..that doesnt mean buy her a black one that says hottie or anything but honestly just give your daughter a chance,maybe she wants it so she doesnt get made fun of becasue she has vpl or something..i know my friends starting wearing thongs when they were 12..its not that bad trust me.

[Christine]

I grew up a girly girl, and I still consider myself one, but not as much, what I think is weird though is that my daughter is a lot more "boyish" than I am. I don't know where she gets it from, because she also hangs out with girls.

[sarhatut]

um she should be able to wear whatever she wants. my daughter is twelve and has worn thongs since last year

[Jennifer]

Is it normal for a 13 year old girl want to wear a thong? Is she old enough? Please reply. Thank you.

[Brittney]

Should I let my 13 year old daughter wear a thing. I don't approve of this. But, should a 13 year old wear a thong?

[Amanda]

Lori: I have a girly girl as well. She plays dress up, wants to wear makeup, carries around purses and dolls. None of this I encouraged, it just happened. However, she also likes soccer, rough-housing with boys,and other stereotypically male things, so I look at her as a true 21st century woman who can have it all! They're all so different, and often so different from who we are...

[Amytart]

I was a girlie girl growing up until I hit about 10...then I was a man's girl. I played flag football with the boys....I beat up any guy that dared make a girl friend of mine's cry. But my parents just kinda let me be. I now am not a girlie girl..I don't wear makeup, I pull my hair up in a ponytail or let it dry straight...:) Give her time...she'll realize what a pain in the butt it is to be a girlie girl :)