Dad's night out

By Julie

I actually tried to call my husband at a business meeting tonight because I had no idea how to make a grilled peanut butter sandwich for Colter, who offered me this guidance: Daddy puts the peanut butter on the bread, the bread in the frying pan, and the whole thing on a plate when it's done. Gee, thanks. It's nice to know I look as stupid as I feel.

Do other parents feel this inept when they have to step into their partner's shoes? (I'm the one who works the long hours, while Gary freelances and has more time at home to cook etc.).

Naturally, Colter wouldn't eat what I made, and who can blame him? I wouldn't have eaten it either.

Here's what I want to know (besides how to make a grilled peanut butter sandwich): Why does a non-traditional mother like me still have traditional expectations for herself?

Comments

[Amanda]

Julie: My New Year's resolution to cook dinner for my family, mostly because no one was taking the rains (Grif or myself). So I went shopping, made a menu (mostly easy, pre-prepared stuff). I even cooked some in the morning or the day before. After about ten days of nice family time around the dinner table my husband said: "But you can't really call this cooking can you?" That was the end of that!

[Robin]

I work 2 nights during the week and all weekend. My 6 yr old is with my husband when I am at work. He is the one that will sit for hours and hours playing "Pretty pretty princess", checkers,mousetrap and endless games of marbles.He makes her milkshakes for a special treat.He takes her to the arcade or bowling when we have extra money. I don't do any of those things and my daughter knows it. I sit and read with her or babysit her dolls or cuddle with her.I am the one that takes her to dancing school and play dates.We have our own fun things that we do together.I am the one she comes to with her problems that lead into big discussions. If she wants to play marbles with me I just tell her to wait for daddy to get home and she is fine with that. She knows we do different things with her. Kids adapt. You aren't supposed to be able to do it all. Tell your child that grilled peanut butter sandwiches are daddy's area and then create your own mommy sandwich!

[Kelly]

Maybe it has to do with feeling like we're supposed to do EVERYTHING we do right.

[LittleMiss]

Hmmm...I'll have to try and make one of those for my Squirrel Nutkin child...hee.

LittleMiss

[Kris]

Grilled peanut butter. Yum - brings back memories. It's actually pretty easy. Make a peanut butter sandwich and then cook it as you would a grilled cheese. Butter up both sides and grill. If you are super slick, you can add jelly. But, I always have to warn the kids that the insides are hot. They aren't used to PB&J sandwiches being hot.

Good luck - you're a wonderful mom. And remember, kids love you for being you. They understand that each parent has their special talents. And in time, they learn to go to the proper parent if they want that specialty.

Kris

[andrea]

The pressure to be a 'good mom' -- a poster mom -- comes from everywhere. But I think part of it arises from the fact that we're socialized this way. As little girls we're showered with dolls, tea sets, Easy Bake Ovens etc. We're brought up, from day one, to be caregivers. And we see type A personality motherly-types everywhere else for the rest of our lives. If not at home, then certainly on television. I grew up watching Leave it to Beaver!

I have a distinct kindergarten-era memory of our play area. There were dolls on one side of the room, trucks and play tools on the other side.

Perhaps it's different now. But gender roles are shifting and some people are having trouble shifting along with it.

[Marcia Lynx Qualey]

Well, I can't speak for you... but I always have (at least) two tracks going on in my head. One is playing: Whoo-hoo, I got a husband who cooks and cleans, doo-dah. Doo-dah. That's how I want my son to be, oh-de-doo-dah-day...

The other one is playing (atonally, I might add): Maybe you don't cook and clean because you're SELFISH, did you ever think of that? Women have been this way for TENS OF THOUSANDS of years, and now you suddenly are Ms. Different, Ms. Special? Did you ever think that maybe you're just Ms. LAZY and Ms. WRONG? (And so on.)