A working mom's woes

By Analee

I loved being a full-time mother. Everything Jan Patrick did felt like a word of thanks. Whenever he burped, my heart would soar because it was my milk that gave him that satisfaction. Whenever he pooped, no matter how awful it smelled, I felt appreciated because it was my milk that nourished him. Whenever he cried, I felt a sense of pride because he sounded just like me the way I imagined myself as a baby. Yes, at that time, it was me, myself and my baby.

And then, I had to face reality. I had to go back to work and pass him on to someone else's able hands for most of his waking hours. Our lifestyle demands, the kind of life that we also want our son to enjoy, did not allow us the luxury of choice.

I've had my share of sleepless nights worrying about everything and nothing. Nights torturing myself with the thought that my son might mistake his daytime nanny for his mom. I even spent his first full day at the nursery entertaining the thought that I should have given my son a mobile phone so he could call me whenever he missed me. Of course, as it turned out, it was harder for me than for him. He loved having lots of kids to play with.

Four months have passed since I went back to work and I am not yet fully convinced that this is a good arrangement. To keep me sane, I just try to keep in mind that going back to work will give me a bit of intellectual stimulation and make me less grumpy... ergo, a better and happier mom. At least, I have been trying to convince myself that that is true!

I also try to remember his face whenever he plays with other kids. Like other babies, he loves the interaction with his peers. In a way, it does help lessen the pangs of guilt that I get from time to time. And, which I believe will continue to the very end of his childhood.

Comments

[Amanda]

I'm not sure I'll ever outgrow this feeling of being stuck in between. I'm happy that my 9 month old is well-taken care of (by my Mom) and that we have food on the table, but unhappy that it's not me who's taking care of him.

Intellectually I know I've made the right decision, but it's sure hard to convince my heart that I don't belong at home.

[Amanda]

Every working mom goes through this. My advice is to take it slowly, don't make any rash decision. Each woman has to do what's right for her and her family and not listen to what other people think. It's such a personal deicison!

[AGK]

Welcome to DotMoms, first of all :)

I remember going back to school after the birth of my first child. It was terrible at first, because I couldn't concentrate on math when all I could think about was if the sitter was taking good care of him, and if she was, would she get to see all his firsts before me... But it got better, and our time apart made our time together even more special. It's always hard no matter their age. (((HUGS)))

[sprout]

I too have much Mommyguilt about leaving my girls at daycare. However, when faced the possibility of staying home because I'd lost my job, I asked my 3.5 year old what she thought of the idea of staying home with Mommy like her best friend does. She replied, "No, I'd rather go to school, but (lil sister) can stay home with you." Little sister is too young to ask the same question but I know how much she enjoys "school" too. Being at daycare is wonderful for my girls but their teachers are just that, their teachers. They know who their parents are and they know we love them immensely. Our girls ask for us when they are sad, lonely, happy, or anything else and miss us when we are apart but it makes the pick ups and weekends all the more treasured. School is their world and they love it. They miss it when we are on vacation just like I miss my job and my friends at work. I don't think the Mommyguilt ever goes away and I'm okay with that. I think of it as a way to make sure I'm keeping my children's best interests at the front of my head and heart.
Sprout

[Robin P]

Welcome to DotMoms!
It's always the moms who have the separation anxiety! As long as your child is happy and well taken care of then you should relax and enjoy your work. I had this problem with Lillianna when she went to my friend's house or my mom's when she was younger. Even now she barely waves good-bye when she is going somewhere while I work. She has so much fun with whoever is taking care of her and for that I know I must be happy and grateful. I wouldn't want her clinging to my leg and begging me not to leave her! So even though I am sad about leaving her, she is happy about where she is left!

[Goldberry]

Socializing your baby can never be "wrong" for him. I can understand your heartache, however. We need to do what we need to do, and if you job keeps you sane, then its worth it. What kind of mother would you be if you were insane and unhappy?