Remembering the good old days

By Shelley

My oldest daughter is the age I was when I met my husband. Lately, it seems, my daughter has been asking questions of a family friend, the wife of K, who is my husband's best friend from high school, and someone with whom we've reconnected in the last few years.

It seems my daughter would like to know what dear old Dad and dear old Mom were like back in high school. And this terrifies me. It's not that I was awful in high school -- but there are certainly some stories I'm not quite ready to share with my children. Occasionally, K and my husband will wander off in reminiscences, and I'll find myself stopping them with a frown and a glance at the teen. Lost in nostalgia, it's easy for them to forget that some endings were not happy ones.

I want my daughter to know that I remember what it was like, that I understand her angst, and that there are some things that all teenagers go through. But I don't want her getting any ideas, see? There are some things I was doing at her age, and later, that I don't necessarily want her exploring on her own -- at least not yet.

I want her to learn from our mistakes, but shouldn't some of my past remain a mystery? At least for a little while longer?

How much do you tell your children, and when?

Comments

[Rachel]

When I was a teen I knew that my parents had done things as teens that they didn't want me to do, and I was old (mature) enough to understand that just because they did it then didn't mean that they approved of it or that it was right. My kids are too young for this right now -- eight and four -- but whatever my reasons may be for keeping parts of my past from them, it won't be that I'll be afraid they'll think I approve, because they will be told in the strongest terms that I regret my stupid mistakes and hope to God they never make the same ones. Just my two cents.

[Susan]

I agree with the others. There are just some things you shouldn't tell them as they may take it as a license to do them. I was a goody goody when I was in high school but then I did some experimenting in college. Nothing too bad but at the same time I don't plan on volunteering that information to my children. At the same time I do plan to talk to them about the things they need to be prepared for so they can make good decisions. At least, I hope they do. :)

[AGK]

You already know I'm very open with my children, and my oldest obviously knows a lot since he can, well, you know, do math ;) But when my brother was here, I caught him telling my son what I thought was an inappropriate tale of what some boys had called me when I was 13, after I said NO to one of them about s-e-x. It wasn't that he was trying to help, either. I just found it out of place, that it was mine to share, if I so chose, and I had NOT!

[bird]

oh. that's sooooooo good. but soooo bad all the same. bravo for being inquisitive. but, if it were my daughters, i'd have to put a halt to it. there is nothing, absoultely nothing, that i want my children to know about me at that age.
i'm a different person. and i would put a stop to it immediately.

[Jo]

Oh this is a good one - I met my husband in high school as well. I was 14; 15 when we started dating. I venture to guess we won't be sharing too many details with our kids until they are OUR CURRENT AGE! Goodness gracious, I can't bear to think of it, LOL.

We were good kids, really. But he was my first TRUE love and boy did I ever experience it to the fullest...at a very young age!

[Robin P]

Rich and I always tell Lillianna stories about our childhood. (She will be 7 in October.) There will come a time when she will want to know about our pre-teen and teen years and then the censoring will begin. Oh not for me....I have nothing to hide. I was a "good girl". Rich on the other hand.....his "first" was at age 14! I don't think I want to divulge that info to our daughter. She may think it's ok. Yikes! I don't know what to do!!

[VJ]

Ah, one of the reasons I keep a journal, so my child/ren (probably child) will know what it was like for me. Some of my journal entries are under lock and key however, because of the nature of them, or because my feelings are such I still can't release them for others to read.

[Robyn]

Your kids definitely don't need to know the details, but also make sure that they don't feel like you are hiding things.
For example: Something like pot or drinking, although not a terrible thing, your kids don't need to know those details as they may take it as a license to do them themselves.

I would have a chat with your husband and friends so everyone is clear on what is acceptable to tell her about and what is not.
At some point, when she is older, and I would say in the 20's and on her own and mature, stories can then be shared

[emily]

This is something that I wonder about too.Hannah loves for me to tell her "old" stories from my childhood up through my teen years.And while I didn't do anything horrible,no police trouble,I wasn't an angel either.

[Goldberry]

I think it really depends on your children and on the memories. In some cases the not-so-happy ending could help him/her make a tough decision about his/her own life. In other cases, not so. I think each child is an individual case as are the situations we want to keep secret. Maturity is a big factor.