What should a three-year-old know?

By Emily

On Wednesday, I took Seth for a speech evaluation. This was not a surprise; we knew almost from the time he started talking that he would need help with his speech.

The lady doing the evaluation did the normal hearing and sight test to make sure that wasn't the problem. Then she started playing these developmental games with Seth to make sure his speech problem isn't because he is simply behind and doesn't understand. I have never questioned his development. I know he is okay developmentally; he just has trouble pronouncing some sounds correctly. Mallory had this same exact problem and two years of speech therapy cleared it up.

He answered all the questions she asked, knew what pictures were and, in general, charmed the pants off of her. But she started asking him about the ABCs and wanted him to correctly identify them. What?! Is this what a three-year-old should know? Granted it's been six years since my oldest was that age, but she did letter recognition in kindergarten. Sure she knew some of them beforehand and could write her name, but she by no means knew all twenty-six letters by sight.

Seth can say parts of his ABCs,sometimes in the correct order, sometimes not. More often than not B, D, P, and V are all pronounced B. I assumed this was normal. Am I wrong?

Am I hurting him by staying at home with him and not having him a preschool setting? Will he be behind if I keep him at home?

What should a three-year-old know?

Comments

[april]

my son just turned three, and went for all the testing like you said yours did. I stay at home with mine also and they keep telling me he should be in daycare, we dont have the money for daycare and it seems stupid when im home all day to care for him anyway. im in ga, if you are close, perhaps our children could play together, and learn from one another =)

[Maribel]

I was reading the the comments and also found that the original question wasn't addressed.
My son will be 3 in May .. and i also wanted to know what he SHOULD know and be able to do by the time he's 3.
And one thing i learned is depending on the school, county or district ... every school/organization follows a different cirricullum. My son is currently being guided under the Carolina Cirricullum. and my next move is to contact the school is will be attending next to find out what cirricullum they use so i know what my son will need to know to be on pace when he starts school there.

My son is in early start preschool since 22 months and ...but still needs speech therapy. He knows the ABC song .. but not the individual letters yet.

Your son sounds like he's on pace...It's definitely hard when your kid is being evaluated...

Hope you find the information you need :)

[nicky]

And here I was concerned that my two year old was behind since I wasn't putting her in daycare. I feel much better now by reading all of your posts. She is 29 months and has known her letters by sight and song since one and a half and was able to count up to fifty before she hit two. Maybe I am teaching her more than what she could learn in daycare afterall. Phew!

[Kim S.]

My son is three and a half. He is at a childcare facility while I work everyday. Recently I have been concerned about what he knows and what he should know. I feel like he is not learning in that facility. It seems like all he does all day is play and color. I am considering putting him in another childcare facility but I know he will have a problem adjusting. He seems to shut down when you take him out of a familiar situation. I know this will be best for him because I know how smart he is and I just don’t want him to be behind when he does start pre-K or kindergarten. I am also working on letter recognition with him at home. It is tough though because we don’t have enough time to spend together working on activities being that I have to get dinner ready, bath time, and get him in bed at decent hour. Plus me getting my degree gives me little time to do work with him and do my own studying.

[Diana]

You know I think a lot of these comments on here are more about you all talking about how great your kids are rather than answer this concerned mother's questions.

[TIna]

My DS is 3.6 years and can say his ABC's but does not recognize them. He can count to 10. He doesn't know the difference between numbers or letters. This is what I think anyway. I have discovered that my son will do so much more for others than he will with me. He does more for my husband than he does with me. I am concerned about him but I don't think I get a true picture of how he is doing if he clams up when I am around or always refuses to do things. I even make it fun but he is smart and can figure it out...mom wants to really do the alphabet. That is smart eh? I also spoke to a child care professional who said that any child can memorize the stuff but to gain a clear understanding at 2 or 3 is not very likely. I agree. For those who have kids with great memories to memorize this at 2 or 3, think of the true understanding they need. A prime example of this is my son and his colours. He knew them all and some letters. I didn't put as much emphasis on it as he knew it at 2 yrs. He is now 3 and doesn't know it or knows bits and pieces. Did his memory slip him a bit as he didn't use it? When he can understand it, he will not have to rely on memory alone. He will know it. After all the letter A isn't just the letter A. I am letting nature take it's course, as I feel I have no other choice..fun or not he will not do it. He is being enrolled in a pre-school program in Jan. I hear it is good. Who knows, maybe I don't know my kid as well as I think.

[maria]

I know we all want to think our children are the best at everything, but this is not always the case. As seen above some like to brag a little and make people feel thier children are inadequate. Being a mother of three boys under four, my focus is on play, play and more play. they will spend plenty of time in school when they are older. Let them be children for longer and find out who they really are, instead of pushing and pushing them. Research shows that those who spend the least number of years at school. (not starting til the age of 5 or 6) have an overall higher academic level

[Jess]

Wow, I feel sad that so many people have responded to your concern with laundry lists of what THEIR children can do- which only emphasizes what your child is not doing YET. Do not be discouraged by this unintentional jab to your heart. Kids learn at different paces. Also, do not be discouraged about keeping your son home with you. Now that you have been told what the school systems and child care providers would like to expect from your child, you can work on it at home with him. You are his best teacher. No one will ever love your child as much as you do. Just because he isn't reciting his alphabet or recognizing letters and counting to 50 by age 3 doesn't mean he isn't a bright child at all. Work with him a little. I have a child with a developmental disability whom I was told was mentally retarted. Turns out he's much more advanced than the majority of children his age range (4-5 years old) he just doesn't have the language and had some cognitive issues, but he was all along teaching himself many things. I am still often surprised when he will describe to me while riding in the car that vehicles have shocks that soften the bumps when you go over them, or how the sound of water on the tires is actually made when the roads are wet. Your son could be just fine. Of course, if there is a disability, keep your head up. I'm telling you- you can teach your son many many things and there is also a lot of help available for things like speech and even occupational therapy and stuff like that. But I just want to repeat- hang in there. Besides, these developmental guidelines are made up by a lot of people who do not actually have hands on experience with children but have paid astronomical amounts of money to write lists of things kids should be able to do by chronological ages. Many of these tests and evaluations are simply not fair and unrealistic.

[joanie]

My son is 2 and he knows all the alphabet and the sound that each one makes. He also knows his numbers up to 10. He also just learned to write M since his name is Matthew. His speech is not perfect yet though. He understands everything we say to him in English and Chinese but has a difficult time repeating us. He does speak Chinese better then English though. He suprises me everyday. He sometimes just says things randomly. the other day he walked up to me and said turtle or he showed me four fingers and said four. They all learn differently and at a different speed.

[Ayanna]

I am a teacher at a elementary school in GA. I think it's important to know that all children are God's children. They are put here with there own special gifts. Just because your child can read at three does not mean they are going to be a genius. I have seen very bright spoiled children that do poorly when things get difficult because their parents have told them how smart they were and they cannot function socially. Make sure you are pullling what is special out of your children. Give them time to develop. Calm down! Let go and let God. Focus on their strengths and their weaknesses will become less. Good luck!

[Sandee]

My son is three, his birthday is in July. He recently started pre-school. He can only itentify O I And sometimes S. By the end of this years the school would like him to be able to point out all of his ABC's. It would be great if he could but I am not worried about it. The same thing they are going over now is the same thing they get in Kindergarden. It just makes it easier if they learn it earlier that way when they start to read in Kindergarden and First great they don't fall behind. I will tell you from experience that in private schools they need to know all of this before entering, unlike public schools. Good luck and I would not worry to much. I am a working mom and don't have a lot of time to work with my son. I felt guilty for the longest time. Than realized that we all do the best that we can as parents. If you kid know his letters and numbers by the end of Kindergarden the he is doing fine!!!
Kindergarden teacher of 20 Years!!!

[Peggy E]

I am a preschool teacher, and am currently teaching the 3 year old class. I work in a CHILD care center, and I hate the term DAY care. I do NOT take care of the DAY. I take care of the CHILD. Inmy class we are working on letter recognition, upper case letter matching, number recognition #s 1-10, knowing the basic shapes and colors, coloring in the lines and cutting, as well as name writing and letter and number writing (with and without guides). After teaching int he Kindergarten program the last 3 years, I have to keep reminding myself that at this age (3), it's as much about the process as it is the end product. this is what youneed to keep in mind. At 3 the goal is to expose them to these things and help them develop the confidence to try to do these things. they are getting it. And they are learning to listen to the teacher and each other, to play and work out problems together and how to sit and how to do work and how to TRY. Will they all be able to do all the things on my list of goals and objectives---probably not, but they will all be able to do some of it and That's okay. They are learning and growing and that's what it's all about.

[Peggy E]

I am a preschool teacher, and am currently teaching the 3 year old class. I work in a CHILD care center, and I hate the term DAY care. I do NOT take care of the DAY. I take care of the CHILD. Inmy class we are working on letter recognition, upper case letter matching, number recognition #s 1-10, knowing the basic shapes and colors, coloring in the lines and cutting, as well as name writing and letter and number writing (with and without guides). After teaching int he Kindergarten program the last 3 years, I have to keep reminding myself that at this age (3), it's as much about the process as it is the end product. this is what youneed to keep in mind. At 3 the goal is to expose them to these things and help them develop the confidence to try to do these things. they are getting it. And they are learning to listen to the teacher and each other, to play and work out problems together and how to sit and how to do work and how to TRY. Will they all be able to do all the things on my list of goals and objectives---probably not, but they will all be able to do some of it and That's okay. They are learning and growing and that's what it's all about.

[Eva-Louise]

I have a slightly different problem, I have 2 daughters and one son, and yes they all develop differently! In Perth, Australia there is a terrible system where your child goes to kindy the year he/she turns 4 (if born prior to June 30th) or the year they turn 5 (if born after that date). My girls are born on the 1st and the 21st of July. My first child was really advanced for her age acedemically but lagging behind in language and social development so at the end delaying her till the year she turned 5 worked in her best interest. My second girl is advanced in language (knows all the songs we sing to her (and the ones from childcare inc ABCs) counts objects upto 20, can cut, colour inside the lines, draw faces, the letter H ladders etc, and is advanced socially and physically. She also has to wait until the year she turns 5 (NOT FAIR!) WHY DON'T THEY HAVE AN ASSESMENT SYSTEM? That way all children will be in the best class for their ability? Does anyone know of schools here that let children in early (not Montessorri(too pricy))?

[Sandra]

Before age 2 my daughter could say and recognise her ABCs,123.. upto 20 and play on the computer using a mouse. At age 2 she could spell her name , play advanced computer games. At age 3 she could read some books (most of them she could memorise rather than read), could add and subtract numbers. At age 4 she could do four number addition and subtraction (eg 4567 + 1256, 7653 - 2764) and much more. Please be patient as I am not bragging, just trying to make a point. On the other hand , my 3 year old son does not yet recognise all his alphabets !! He counts upto 10 but does not do it consistently. He likes me to read to him but he has to choose the book and its always spongebob!! There is an age difference of 6 years between my daughter and son so he has never watched sesame street or other programs on TV that teach the alphabets or numbers. He got into the habit of watching what my daughter watched. So I strongly think that kids are all different and their knowing things at early age depends on so many more things and not their intellect or attention alone. My 3 year old cannot say ABCs as well as my brother's 3 year old but he can do other things which my brother's 3 year old cannot. I think parents should first try at home before letting doctors and therapist intervene.

[Jen]

My daughter just recently started kindergarden. She is very bright and I've worked with her at home but she keeps coming home and telling me she is bored because she already knows how to do the things they are learning. For example she loves to work with numbers and for the first time the teacher let them do things in their math book. Afterwards my daughter was so disappointed that it was mostly shapes and colors instead of adding and subtracting. what should i do? her teacher said she saw no need in giving my daughter extra things to challenge her and the school where we live is so small we don't have any kind of gifted programs.

[Jana]

I taught first grade for several years and I can tell you that children all develop at different rates. I had students that still weren't sure of their colors and letters and others that had been reading for 1 or 2 years. Things started to even out towards the end of the year...every year! Relax and just keep exposing your child to letters and numbers! They will get there...when they are ready! I have a 3 year old who can write his own name and say the alphabet and is learning to spell. I have a 15 year old who was much more delayed in reading and writing. He's now in above level classes and a straight A and B student!
One tip...go to www.sesameworkshop.org. It has GREAT letter and number exercises for toddlers/pre-schoolers and they really respond to it!
It's great to be vigilant with your child's progress but keep things in perspective!

[Maggie]

I'm a School Psychologist, and was looking at this wonderful site and it's postings. Preschool is in fact important for children. Children who do not go to preschool often are lagging behind other children, and the child himself will feel that in K. My child is 3 and can read basic books, but that is not typical. An average child who has been readily exposed to the alphabet does know his letters by the end of his 3rd year. When we test children for a learning difficulty, we are hoping at age three they can identify any letters. When you take a drive somewhere, play an 'I spy' game for letters in signs or businesses. They'll pick it up! If you have concerns at age three, then your local school district is required to at least screen your child. Just call your local school district.

[Jen P.]

My son is 4 years old. He is very smart in everything, but his alphabet. He can count up to 50 with no help, but he can not point out which letter is which. Me and my husband work with him every day on this but it just seems to get no where. We tryed games, lesson books, I even tryed a few fun activites but he can not point out any letter past C. In example, we have stressed what the letter D looks like and sounds like and then show him another letter (G) and he calls it a D.

[Stephanie]

Help! I am the mother of a three old little girl. (She is 40 months old.) Cal is bright and very verbal. She's using complete sentences, recites the alphabet and her numbers through fifteen. She can identify concepts such as small/bigger and umbrella to rain cloud. You know, connections between things. In addition, we have recently started counting. Not simply reciting the numbers, but actually understanding the unit--These are three apples, etc.
The problem?? Her daycare teacher and the director have shared with me that they believe Cal has "attention issues." They tried a spatial exercise--show the kids five objects, take away one--the child identifies the missing object. My baby finds five items challenging--although she can do three or four--particularly when we practice this at home.

Now I know that my daughter is very indulged, and emotional--but, isn't three a little early to evaluate this type of thing. I teach middle school, so hearing the word attention as an issue is scary. Someone give me some feedback??

[Brian H]

I have a daughter who is in physical and speech therapy due to her 25% delay. Yet I take her out to play with children of our friends and colleagues and she's much more socially advanced. I have 3 daughters, all very different. The eldest at 5 is in 1st grade and has been reading for 2 years, the 3 year old is delayed, and my 7 month old is standing and trying to speak already. All children are different and learn at different rates. The most important thing is to show them love and support and seek the professional help if there is no sign of improvement. We put entirely too much pressure on our young children for our own purposes. This results in many long term physiological problems down the road. I come from a very academically advanced family, and it took a while for my ego to deal with this issue. However, since I have, the advancements my daughter has made have been immense. Best of luck to you all.

[liz]

your kid is behind and the earlier intervention you do the better. it looks like you've been in denial waiting a while. yes every kid is different but you shoudl have had him evaluated a year ago. my daughter is 23 months, says all her abcs, speaks in 6-7 word sentences, knows all her colors, counts 1-10. i am not bragging but i'm telling you this to make a point. your kid is way behind and needs help catching up. you need a professional to help who knows proven methodoligies to get him up to speed. i know you probably just want to hear he's fine. my daughter is epileptic and i was never in denial about it. the first time it happened i saw a neurologist. with your next kid, not talking a lot by 22 months--speech therapy.

[Goldberry]

I nannied for a girl who went to pre-school at 3 and she was taught to recognize her ABC's and write her name. Still at three, they had her doing tons of writing homework.

My opinion - each child is different. You know what your child is capable of. Don't hold them back, but don't push to hard, either. Kids need to know that they CAN do things. Good luck!!

[Jolie]

Normally when you test kids' development (or adults' for that matter), you want to see what they can do, so you start easy, and then test them until they fail. Then you know (theoretically) where they max out. It's a little sad when you think about it.

So she may not necessarily have expected him to know the letters, it might just be the next thing on the hierarchy?

[Meg]

I have worked in daycare, and yes, the 2 & 3 year old classes were taught their alphabet - by song and sight - and they were expected to begin recognizing and writing their names.

When my oldest son went to kindergarten in IL, his teacher didn't expect anyone to know their alphabet. My younger son is a special education student, but I believe the regular classroom teacher, here in VA did expect the kids to be able to recognize their alpahbet.

My 3 year old knows her alphabet, but can only recognize about 1/3 of the letters at the moment. Still, I think she's doing quite well.

I wouldn't worry about your wee one not knowing his yet. He'll learn in his own time. And like Helene said - maybe they just thought he was a smart cookie!