Slowing down to keep up

By Kris

This New Year, as I considered resolutions, I realized the same items topped my list last year. And for several years before that. This filled me with dread. Will I ever succeed at spinning all the plates? Am I doomed to struggle with life, racing the clock until I die?

When I had my first baby 4 ½ years ago, the myriad of things to do on any given day boggled my mind. I had to cook, do dishes, clean the house, wash clothes, run errands, change diapers. I wanted to exercise, eat well, write, meditate, read, socialize, relax, scrapbook. Sleep. Very few of the "have to" items got done, never mind the things I wanted to do.

Finding FlyLady in 2001 helped me manage the household. But I still struggled. So on New Year's 2004, I resolved to speed myself up. My theory? If I could become super efficient (that is, do chores and dinner preparation with lightning speed), then I would have more time for myself and the kids.

But partway through the year, I realized that super efficiency left me super tired. And when mama's tired, she feels burdened by everything and everyone. Also, by spending every minute racing to check the next thing off my to-do list, I missed out on "the present moment," which, especially with kids, means I missed quite a lot.

This year, rather than speeding up to become super efficient, maybe I need to slow down.

I plan to start by getting up earlier. Sounds strange, but by giving myself half an hour to get dressed and drink a cup of coffee before the kids get up, I'll start the day in a much calmer state. I also plan to go to church. I tend to neglect weekly Mass when I get busy, but going brings me enough inner peace that I need to make it a priority.

Otherwise, I'll keep it simple. I resolve to make the trip to the park or play that boardgame, even if it means the bathrooms won't get cleaned that day. I resolve to skip out after dinner to see a movie or browse at the bookstore for an hour, and to spend time reading novels and eating bon-bons, sans guilt. I resolve to reward myself for good behavior, just like I do with the kids.

With a new baby on the way in July, I know life will get chaotic. So I resolve that all those projects on my to-do list will not get finished in 2005. But if my plan works, at least I won't be finished.

Comments

[Shirley]

Perfection is only a mirage of the mind, slowing down is peace of ones soul. Enjoy your children we do the same chores everyday so you know eventually they get done, but the kids aren't kids forever before you know they're adults.ask someone who knows.

Mom

[VJ]

When my friends had my babyshower for me, they all shared a bit of advice regarding parenting. One old Russian lady, through a translator told me this, "Always keep your lap open."

I was confused at first, but I understand what she means. If your child needs a place to sit, needs to cuddle, have a place for him.

Thanks for the reminder.

[nanay2angels]

This is what I resolve to do this year too.

[Suzanne]

Kris, I want to slow down, too. Thanks for the reminder!! I needed that.

[Ann D]

Slowing down is where it's at! I'm reading a great book called "In Praise of Slow" by Carl Honore about how there's a world-wide trend to slow down. It's a fascinating read.

[muse]

I almost never cleaned when my kids were little. I cooked, washed dishes and laundry and spent lots of time with them in and out of the house.
Now the house is empty, and I've discovered the beauty of the sunrise and getting up very early.

[s]

I used to use Flylady until a few months ago, when I discovered that when I work and go to graduate school for sixty hours a week, have a GPA to maintain for my funding, and am hugely pregnant with my first child, having an immaculate bathroom will not give me nearly as much peace as sitting down with a cup of tea every day, and sometimes I just don't have time for both (whether Flylady believes it or not). I think Flylady is fantastic for getting started on cleaning, but she's just not realistic for my life.

[Robin P]

Bravo,Kris!!!! I only have one child so it's a little bit easier for me but I learned this lesson of slowing down 5 years ago when Lillianna was 2.

I had been rushing around trying to clean the house when Lillianna reached out for me and asked, "Mommy, dance?" I was horrified although I tried not to show it. Dance? Was she insane? Did she see this messy house? Why would I stop cleaning and waste time dancing? Then I stopped and realized that my 2 year old didn't care if the dishes weren't cleaned or the rug wasn't vaccumed or the laundry wasn't put away yet.

She wanted to dance. Every moment to a child is the potential for fun. Every moment for a stressed out mom is just another moment of stress! I picked up my hopeful child and put my cheek to her cheek and we slow danced in the middle of the kitchen. It was beautiful and that was when my perspective on cleaning changed.

I do what I can on the days I can do it. I work and run around with Lillianna, to Brownies, to dancing school...whatever. Rich cleans too. What will Lillianna remember, a clean house or her mommy who danced?