He's a good kid. Really.

By Kris

John's going through this phase where, if he gets too angry, he loses control and starts swinging. It began when he turned 3, about six weeks ago. So when my mom said, "That girl just pushed John," at the mall play area last week, I paid immediate attention.

He sets his jaw in this certain, tough-guy way when he's about to lose it, and I saw just a hint of that as he slid down the slide. But the girl, who was about John's size, had walked across the top of the long play structure, and John was down on the carpet near us. So I didn't get up.

As we watched, John sauntered over to the other side of the play structure, where on top of the other slide appeared that little girl. Before I could even register this in my brain, John reached up, grabbed the girl by the collar and yanked her down the slide head first.

The girl was surprised and upset, but not hurt. I made John apologize (and I did too) before giving him a time out. Her mom looked like she wanted to clobber me. I found my mom hiding behind a divider, covertly laughing with her hand pasted to her mouth. As a witness to the original crime, I guess the retribution struck her as funny.

Things went well for a while, and we figured John had let his vendetta go. But then he started pushing a ride-on car, and I saw that girl, lying on the floor within striking distance. He wouldn't, would he? I caught him just as the wheels approached her legs.

On that note, we called it a day. The girl's mom smiled broadly as we walked out, apparently happy to see us go.

I'll be happy when John gets through this phase. In the meantime, I'll keep taking notes during Supernanny, and John will continue wearing a hole in the "naughty chair."

Comments

[Denise]

I am the mother of an only child (girl) who now has three children of her own. Boy-5, boy-31/2 and girl 1 week old. The second boy has had a behavioral problem since day one. He gets angry and acts out in defiant and destructive ways. I have tried to coounsel my daughter in following through with threats she gives him but somehow he knows his behavior is unacceptable and he charms her into forgetting about the punishment he so obviously deserves. He and the oldest also beat the crap out of each other and I an concerned about the newborn. I don't know how to help the situation as I live two hundred miles away from them. I try to see them as much as possible and take each child for a period of time so they each get special attention. Is this the right thing? I see my daughter stressed out all the time and she tells me constantly that the second boy is being so "bad" that she just wants to hit him.
Concerned Grandmother

[Michele]

My kids never really went through a hitting other kids phase- By other kids I mean kids not in our family. I really hated that they thought nothing of beating the crap out of each other, but at McDonalds playland in a group of strangers? Nope. They got bullied and pushed around all the time.

[Robin P]

Maybe he can give Lillianna some pointers!! She is so damn passive at times.We try to tell her to fight back but she doesn't want to hurt anyone. Well, I don't want HER to get hurt!!!! Is there a happy medium??

[kat]

Kiddo#1 went through the same thing when he was this age. I couldn't figure it out since we try to have a very non-violent and peaceful house. There was a LOT of talking about his actions, what they would do to other kids. One day, my sister was over with my neices and nephews and my nephews who is a few years older saw kiddo#1 hit my neice and immediately told him that "big" boys don't hit and explained why. Kiddo#1 looks up to his cousin a lot and after that, he stopped his hitting behavior. Whew!