A woman's work

By Kris

When I had my first two babies, I surrounded myself with women: a doula, a nurse, a midwife and, for the first one, my mom. But both times, I hemorrhaged after delivery. At first, everything seemed fine. Then, after the nurse swaddled the baby and I ordered my lunch, I started to bleed out.

Since this happened twice, it will likely happen when I give birth this summer. For this reason, plus turning 35 and having a miscarriage last year, I decided to go with the doctors instead of the midwives this time.

Now I'm having my doubts. I found out last month that my doula moved away, and I really can't afford one anyway. My hospital received a birthing pool as a gift last year, which I planned on using during labor. But my new OB informed me that the doctors "won't deal with it," I can use the miniature tub they falsely advertise as a Jacuzzi if I want.

Overall, I like my new doctor. He comes recommended by several friends and family members. He's a careful and concerned physician. He's also witty and charming.

But I don't want any witty, charming men in my delivery room, besides my husband. Pictures my doula took during John's birth reveal a cute kid but also lots of nipple, pubic hair and cellulite. My inner birth mama likes to let it all hang out.

Plus, I use hypnobirthing to get me through labor and delivery. Will the doctors honor my wishes for a slow birth with minimal intervention and coaching? Will they panic and pump me up with pitocin or perform an episiotomy? I'm willing to bet they won't "deal with" my special requests, such as applying hot compresses during crowning, or waiting an hour before putting vitamin K ointment in the baby's eyes, so she has a chance to see Brian and me first. I bet they won't hug me afterward and tell me they were honored to be a part of my birth experience, like the midwives did.

I need to put my health first and make sure I don't lose a truckload of blood this time. But I'll miss my circle of wise women, and will feel vulnerable without them.

Comments

[Shannon]

I'm responding to Jean's post -- do not believe your doctor that it is a "one-time" occurance! I had the same issue (retained placenta) when my son was born. Nearly needed a blood transfusion. When I decided to get pregnant again, I met with the doctor and midwife and asked a lot of questions. They told me it was a 50-50 chance of it happening again and they just don't know why it happens. I stuck with the midwife and was assured a doctor would be close by. When I delivered my daughter, the same thing happened. The doctor had gone home. This time I ended up in the operating room, knocked out with general anesthesia, having a D&C so they could get the freakin placenta out. I don't want to scare you, but please talk about this more with your doctor when you get pregnant again.

[Jean]

I was curious about your bleeding issue. I too suffered a severe hemorrhage after the birth of my first and only child. We hope to have more children and I was assued by my doctor that the hemorrhage was a one time only event (portion of the placenta remained intact and caused bleeding). What caused yoru bleeding and why are you at risk of it again?

Thanks for your help.

www.workingmomconfessions.blogspot.com

[Kris]

Hi Muse,
No, of course I do not believe the midwife caused my bleeding. But midwives are only in charge until something goes wrong. The midwife for my last/second birth knew about my bleeding problem, but I was not watched and when I started bleeding there was a delay, while the nurse first got the midwife then the midwife got the doctor. If I begin bleeding out, I do not want wasted minutes because the bleeding happens VERY FAST. So that's my dilemma. I know I am lucky to have choices, I'm hoping I can coordinate to have the midwife during labor with the doctor taking over AFTER the birth. We'll see!

Thanks for commenting!
Kris (author)

[muse]

What makes you so sure that the midwife caused the bleeding? How was it stopped? Find a midwife, and make sure she knows about your bleeding problem, so the staff will be prepared. I don't think that you'll be comfortable with the doctor, and if you're not comfortable the labour will be more stressful.
In my generation we didn't have choices, but you have them, so take advantage.

[Jennifer]

I had a bad experience with my first baby with a doctor like that- I'd consider looking for someone a little more sympathetic to your desires if you possibly can. I know it's hard to switch, but it's also hard to stop them from giving you an episiotomy when you are pushing and don't know whats going on and they don't ask your permission!

You can ask the hospital if they have any doulas- sometimes they do. For free!

I know what you are going through. stay strong, and make yourself clear to your doctor.

[renee]

I also had a homebirth, and am an advocate of midwifery. I also realize that there are very good reasons for giving birth in a hospital, and yours certainly qualifies. Would it be possible to give birth in the hospital but still be under the guidance of a midwife? i know that depends on the hospital's policies, and perhaps you've looked into that already. At the very least, I would discuss your preferences with your doctor beforehand, so that neither of you get any surprises during labor.

Good luck with your birth:)