Back to (financial) reality

By Kris

Last year, four years after having becoming single-income parents, my husband and I hit the financial wall. Meaning? We couldn't pay our bills.

Even though our income dropped 50 percent when I quit my job, our lifestyle didn't change much at first. We went out to eat often. We bought truckloads of baby stuff. My son went to pricey infant music classes, as well as the YMCA for swimming. When I got pregnant with my second child 10 months later, I even hired a housecleaner for a while. Like idiots, we were living large.

Then we suffered a major financial blow: a car accident. We owned two cars, but already needed to replace one. Our good car got totaled, and suddenly, we needed to buy two cars.

And we needed help. Brian broke a vertebrae in the accident, and I got severe whiplash, leaving him in a back brace and me with debilitating pain. Doctors told us not to lift more than eight pounds, a joke with children ages three months and 2 at home. We hired a babysitter for nine hours a week.

For a while, this seemed to work. But last May, I lost the job that funded our babysitter. Still shaken from my recent miscarriage, we decided to keep the babysitter for the summer anyway, until I figured out what to do next.

That's when Brian started coming out of the office at night with tousled hair and panicked eyes, saying things like, "We have to stop spending money!" and "We are hemorrhaging financially!" The hemorrhage continued until the fall and landed us where we are now: several thousand dollars in debt.

We always used credit cards for everything, from groceries to dining out, clothes shopping to home improvements and, my big weakness, Target. Even when we paid the balance in full, we spent money with no gravitational pull to our bottom line. I floated about the grocery store, buying without a coupon or a sale flyer in sight. When I wanted a book or found treasures at Target, I indulged. Hey, it was only $20!

But while Brian's hair grayed and our financial goals became unattainable fantasies, we started watching "The Suze Orman Show." Her eyes freak me out, but she taught me that I need my own money and a budget for groceries and household items. So I opened a separate checking account and started taking a weekly allowance. I also started a fund for home improvements, our major financial sinkhole.

Now that I have my own money, I can save and spend without guilt. The babysitter is long gone. I cut coupons and shop sales, spending a lot less a month on food. We eat out twice a month, not twice a week. We're not perfect, but we're better.

Bottom line? We've snapped back to reality. And once again, I know we can do anything we set our mind to.

Comments

[Michele]

I'm right there with you. Only I've always been a stay at homer. The thing was that we bought a house we couldn't really afford, and then had to make improvements and repairs we really couldn't afford while Mike was suddenly commuting 3 times farther than he used to at the same time gas prices shot through the roof. Somehow we went from having almost no debt to having nearly 30 grand in debt (groceries, gas, almost everything was being charged at that point)in about a year. We're doing a lot better now, but it was really scary!

[Natanya]

When I started Weight Watchers to help shed my baby fat (okay, so only 5 years after my daughter was born) I learned this interesting lesson about food that also applies to money: you have no perspective on it until you write down EVERYTHING. A piece of chocolate here, a Dr. Pepper there is as bad as $10 here and a dinner out there. And of course, to watch both your wallet and your diet takes time and energy that most of us just don't have. So I'll admit I cheat on my budget and my diet both, typically when I'm not checking both on a regular basis. And of course, now I'm trying to figure out the best way to pass on the skills of moderating all things in life to my daughter. They say that you teach best what you most need to learn, which is somehow encouraging.

[Dori]

Just want to say that I too am addicted to Target. God help us.

[Amanda]

On a much smaller scale, I pretty much do what Suze Orman does for a living. Even so, budgeting is HARD for me. I hate it. But I do it, pretty faithfully, because I've seen what can happen when a financial ship goes under. It isn't pretty.

This is my last week of work. Which is scary. If I hadn't crunched all the numbers myself, I'd never have believed we could make it on one income. We can. But only if I stick to the budget!

[RobinP]

When I went from 40 hrs/week to 20 after Lillianna was born,I was charging groceries every single week. After one month,that was over $400. We just didn't have the money but we had to eat. We finally resolved all of that but even now,Rich and I just don't make enough money. No matter how hard we work,it isn't enough.

We always say we wish we had some bad habit that we could give up to save money.Like,if we just gave up our weekly movies,dinners,shopping sprees,new boat,weekends away.....but we don't do anything.We don't buy anything.
It's just sad. Maybe we could give up gas for our cars but then how would we get to work?????

We learned our lesson about credit cards so we carry a very low balance now.We can't afford to be in debt!!
I hear Suze Orman is great but I can't watch her. She disturbs me. Seems like a know-it-all even though her knowledge could probably help me....lol. Oh well.

I don't know how couples survive. I really don't! It's very sad,isn't it?????

[J]

Oh, the sites I could direct you to that have helped us (in the exact situation). But, I am not sure Dotmoms allow this, so feel free to email me, and I will hook you up!

Suze Orman...is a wonder woman. Her eyes give me the heeby jeebies too, but isn't she the greatest! And she tells it like it is, Which is something I completely respect, and love!

This is such a hard place to be in, and boy do I feel your pain. We don't have the added pain of the accident, of course. So you two are in a state. I hope the best for you, and know something will come your way. It is a lot of hard work, but you can do it!

[Michelle]

Credit cards can be so evil. We only have one with a small limit through a credit union. It's a hassle to have it raised (you have to reapply essentially) which is what I like.

It is hard. I used to blow so much money on books when I was working. Target is still a hard place to stay away from, and it's easy to get takeout when you're lazy.

Good for you for taking control.