Under the messy big top

By Kelly

Life is pushing me into some radical changes, ones that I am pushing back against with every fiber of my being. The impetus for the change is that I'm in the process of putting together a business plan for starting an organic market gardening enterprise. As I'm making my lists, I can see that I will fail if I haven't learned how to manage my regular household duties more effectively.

I need to help my whole family learn to operate like a finely tuned, well-oiled machine. Right now we're operating like a 50-year-old bicycle that's been left out in the rain for the better part of its life, ridden by a drunk, and blind, one-legged clown.

I envy the Type A people who flow from one thing to the next, complete projects, keep their floors clean, their laundry washed, folded, hung, and put away, and even manage to exercise regularly. Their tags are tucked in to the necks of their shirts. Ours never are. Their recycling gets brought to the drop-off center weekly. Ours has been piling up in the garage for 14 months.

How do they do it? I'm guessing they schedule the time, and live by their schedule.

Well, I'm ready for some financial success, and to earn it by doing something that I love, so we're going to try schedules. I have never lived my life with a rigid template to follow, which is why I'm often running late, or missing important materials. I see the same thing happening with Tyler, and I see that yes, his bedroom is trashed, just like my desk, and a debris field follows him wherever he goes, just like it does me. Obviously, I've passed on my counterproductive habits. It's up to me to set us straight.

Maybe it's not too late for us, and with some strict, self-imposed guidelines we can learn some better living habits.

We can take off our clown suits, put the old bicycle on the scrap heap, and retire from the three-ring circus that is our current life.

Any advice?

Comments

[Natanya]

Recently some friends of ours who are married but not parents yet visited us for a few days. After watching our less-than-leisurely lifestyle, they were amazed at how we managed it all. Frankly, I am too, but that's my own dirty little secret. Your post made me think about how I maintain my sanity along with my job and my kid and my hubby, and I realized that 1) I don't always and 2) that's okay because I do most of the time.

Michele is right on when she says you have to lower you standards some, or I think rather just reevaluate what really needs high standards (family time vs. pristine bathrooms). I also 100% agree with Lisa that outsourcing is the way to go. I pay a house cleaner a couple of times a month, a lawn guy, and would happily pay for groceries to be delivered if I could. Just think about what you can do with the time you save and what its value is to you. It's well worth $86 to get my four hours back that I'd spend cleaning my house. Focus your energies on your core competencies and those things you truly like to do.

My personal bit of advice comes from my time in corporate America. Time scheduling tools that businesses use can be very beneficial outside the office. I use recurring Outlook tasks to remind me of things like changing my home air filters and when it's time to schedule swim lessons. I put things on the calendar a bit in advance and send my husband calendar items at work so he's looped in to. I find when I use tools to help with the mundane, repetitive things, I can use my brain to focus on the bigger issues.

Good luck with your business, how exciting!

[Michele]

I used to think I was this amazingly organized person. Then I had a baby and everything promptly went to hell. I realized that I had been spending a lot more time farting around than I thought. So I had a decision to make; I could either spend all of my non-baby time on the things I needed to get done, or I could continue farting around some and lower my standards considerably. I chose the latter. This isn't easy to do when you're in grad school, and it took me a semester to finally convince myself that it was okay to let reading slide once in awhile, that it was okay to not clean the bathroom even though there were scary bunches of hair in the corner. I get crap from my father about the dirty bathroom but I'm a lot happier, and I still let myself browse around in blogland, read the New Yorker, and do other things just for me.

[kelly]

Hey, thanks for all of the encouraging comments! Funny, but 2 weeks ago I joined Flylady. This post was written around that time (an early post! holy mackerel!)

I talk about my flylady experience on my blog here and here

[LPF]

Yet another plug for Flylady.net. It really helps to realize that even baby steps are accomplishments. I feel better about myself every day that I get a little more done around my house. Good luck!

[rayne]

flylady rocks - u can do anything in 15 minutes

[mgood]

I second the flylady.net comment. I'm still doing it in baby steps, but it has been a great help. If I only ever keep the basic principles of getting dressed from top to toes every morning, doing a tidy-up before I go to bed, doing things in increments (with plenty of incremental breaks!) and starting the day with an empty dishwasher, I'm still better off than I was before I started the program. It makes a huge difference in my day. Being generally lazy, it was nice to find a way to ease into being more productive rather than start cold turkey.

De-cluttering helps more than you can imagine. Having formerly worked for an auction house that handled estates, I have witnessed that A)You can't take it with you and B)Unless you're a Kennedy, you're not doing anyone favours by leaving it behind. Items have energy - you can function better if you're not surrounded by hundreds of things that detract from your focus every time you look around or walk by them; and you don't mind doing the maintenance for items you love. With fewer "things", and proper places for them, you can deal with them immediately instead of letting it all pile up and become overwhelming. This from someone who knew from clutter, and dealt with it even before I started watching Clean Sweep daily.

I also tend now to use the trunk of my car more - if something's got to go somewhere, I put it in there so I can take advantage of any convenient drop-off opportunities. Then it's not in my house; and if I want the use of my trunk, I'm more inclined to get it done faster. I can also plan circuitous routes so that I can do three or so things in one trip. Yesterday was take the exersaucer and other toys to the farther-away consignment store with the nicer employees, return an outfit to a store I rarely go to (because their baby clothes look like they're made for future porn stars) which is close to said consignment store, and drop off tupperware at a friend's house day (picking her up so she could help me juggle stuff and have a visit at the same time); AND with the baby having her naps in the car on the way to and from the errands. I impressed myself.

And last, because you asked, (otherwise I'm a little reticent about sharing my advice ;) ) write things down. The satisfaction of making giant red checks beside or big black lines through something accomplished is incomparable.

It leaves you time to read and comment on blogs and write run on sentences.

[p]

my advice would be to ensure that you and your family plan for time away from the schedule, once it is imposed. it's hard to get used to these kinds of regimens and even harder to stick to if you never take a break. best for the break to be away from home, if possible, so you can keep the "home=schedule" mindset and not get off track after your break.

[Lisa]

Not that I'm an expert...but, from my years working for the corporate beast, I learned to outsource the tasks that were either not your expertise or not worth your time. It's been valuable as a work at home mom. I don't iron, I have my groceries delivered (for free because of the quantity) and if I'm overwhelmed and need the house clean but don't have the time, I hire a housekeeper. It's cheaper than taking time away from work. And most importantly, it keeps me sane.

[AmyB]

May I suggest www.flylady.net? She has some excellent and simple suggestions for getting your life organized, your house clean, and your family peaceful. It's been useful to me.

[RobinP]

No advice from me but I am hoping if you pull this off you will tell me how you did it. My life is just a jumbled puzzle with some pieces missing.
I think you can do anything you set your mind to. Now if I could just find the time to set my mind to something......Good luck!!

[Kat]

I have a similar problem so I'm afraid I can only offer sympathy and not much advice. From my marginally successful attempts at creating order out of chaos, the biggest thing I've had to focus on was finding a place for everything (to control clutter) and a time for everything important (to ensure we don't neglect our priorities). It's still a work in progress, though. I'm still a few months (and a few clean-ups) away fro any radical lifestyle changes.