Bumps and bruises

By Elizabeth L-B

At 20 months, Nicholas still falls down a lot, especially on uneven ground. A few months ago he scraped the tip of his nose, and then he kept scratching at the scab, so it took forever to heal. He looked like a little panda bear. Lately he's been intent on figuring out how to take a step down without turning around to use his hands, so he's been practicing that, and falling almost every time. 

Daniel's almost four and a half, and doesn't fall down nearly as often. When he does, it's usually because he was running at high speed, and so the bruises are quite dramatic, ranging into the purples and greens. He's fascinated by all his boo boos, and will point them all out to you if you express any interest at all. He had a scab on his knee last week, which just fell off, and he's been asking questions about how the cut healed, which I haven't figured out how to answer in terms he'll understand.

When I was in high school, one of our synagogue youth group leaders brought her young daughter along on a weekend retreat. At one point, she fell down and started to cry. Her mother quickly asked all of us to applaud. The distraction worked; the little girl stopped crying and began clapping. While I've never used this precise technique on my sons, the overall principle stuck with me: in most cases, kids judge how to react to injuries by looking at how the people around them react. I've seen kids fall on the playground and not start crying until their parents rushed over to ask if they were OK. 

My husband and I made a deliberate decision not to make a big deal out of bumps and bruises; when one of the boys falls, we brush them off and say something like "Ouch, that must have hurt. Do you need a kiss?" Almost all the time, they will accept the kiss and then run off, bump totally forgotten. Daniel is usually more distressed by the fact that his pants are dirty than by any injury he's received, while Nicholas seems to be mostly aggrieved that he hasn't mastered this walking thing yet.

How do you handle your children's minor injuries?

Comments

[kristychu]

my partner and i made a big effort to avoid making a big deal out of falling over. of course, if our son is really hurt, then we make a fuss of him, but then, we know that he'll only cry if he really IS hurt, and i've seen him take a lot of ground shaking falls (once i watched him come careening out of a bedroom and run top speed, smack, into the back of a couch, only to get up and shake himself off and run away somewhere else. a completely unrelated woman in the lounge turned around, looked at me, and went 'OH. MY. GOD. I CANT BELIVE I JUST SAW THAT HAPPEN.') so i think that a lot of his comming to find us when hes fallen like that is just reassurance that we're THERE. on the flipside i have a nephew that was a preemie baby, so naturally he got a bit more attention when he was born, and my brother and his partner tended to make a bit more of a fuss over him whe he fell, and the kid cries at EVERYTHING.
i wont deny that it makes me feel kind of good when i can watch them playing together and modi will do something happily that would leave his older cousin a screaming mess, and my brother looks at me and says 'HOW DO YOU MAKE HIM DO THAT?'

[Michelle]

I do the "you're ok" thing, too. Apparently my sister-in-law would run over to her daughter if she fell on the carpeting and fuss over her. I was worried I'd be an over-reacter, but I decided right away that if he starts crying, then I'll run over and comfort him. So far it's working and he hits two next week.

[MsSisyphus]

I've always gone with the "you're ok" approach. That's my first response to any bump, bruise, or injury. If that doesn't cut it, well, we can work form there. But I agree, having a fit yourself only tells the Little One that there's something to have a fit about.

We also do the "Wipe out Dance" as a distraction. Basically, when Sabrina would fall, we'd get up, sing the chorus to "Wipe Out" (nanananananana na nanananana na.....WIPE OUT!" dance around and jump at the end. 6 year old Brina is now teaching her one yr old sister the dance.

[Ron Southern]

My sister's grandchild is just past one year and spends his life falling, sometimes tripping and then becoming jet-propelled as he lurches forward in a horizontal plane and smacks his head against God-knows-what-next. It doesn't seem to have much effect on him, but I wonder how most babies live through it! If I was beaten up like that every day, I'd be a wreck, possibly crippled.

[LPF]

At 7 1/2 months and starting to pull herself up, we're just starting to deal with the bumps and bruises of life. I'm still in the over-reacting stage of motherhood—she fell off of the bed onto the hardwood floor the other day and I was in hysterics (which, in retrospect, probably fed into her shrieks). I like the approach of your youth group leader; it acknowledges that something has happens, so the child doesn't think s/he is being ignored, but doesn't give into the "every bump requires tears" that I worry about getting into.