A rite of passage

By Robin P.

I stood in my beautiful multi-colored floor-length gown facing the people who had come to see me. I flashed an excited smile at my parents and grandparents, who were seated in the front row. As the last guests were seated, I heard the microphone click on and I knew it was time. It was April 10, 1976 and it was the evening of my Bat Mitzvah.

I had prepared well for this special moment in my life. In my fifth and last year of Hebrew school I had private Bat Mitzvah lessons in my home twice a month, in addition to my regular classes at the temple. On my first Bat Mitzvah lesson, my rabbi gave me a cassette with all the passages that I would be learning. He showed me the different notes that I would have to follow when I read the Torah. I thought it was amazing that these chants had been passed down from generation to generation, and I was going to be a part of it all.

I sat in my room almost every single day and played the cassette over and over again, trying to sing the notes. The melody of each prayer and Torah portion put me in an almost meditative state. I felt like I was in my own little world and I loved it. My heart soared with each note. I ended up learning my entire Bat Mitvah in two weeks.

At my second lesson,my rabbi was stunned. "This was supposed to take you six months to learn. I don't know what to do with you now," he chuckled. He thought for a few seconds as he stroked his beard. Suddenly his eyes sparkled. He smiled at me and asked, "Would you like to learn more?" "Oh yes!" I shrieked, "Please, teach me more."

The same thing happened again. I learned all the new prayers and songs by the next lesson instead of taking months to learn them. My rabbi always asked, "More?" and I always answered,"Yes!" At my final lesson, two weeks before the big day, my rabbi laughed and said, "I don't think there is one thing for me to do at your Bat Mitzvah. You're doing it all by yourself. I've never had a student do that before." I was so proud of my accomplishments. It had seemed so easy, so natural. I have always loved Jewish traditions.

That's why it's so puzzling that I haven't actually been to temple since Lillianna's naming ceremony in 1998 when she was three months old. Rich and I moved 30 minutes away from my old temple and the truth is, it's gone downhill over the years and I don't want to join that congregation. It's the only temple I have ever known and I am nervous with big changes. Rich isn't Jewish, but we agreed to raise Lillianna in the Jewish faith, so now it's my job to find a temple for us to join. Lillianna has to start Hebrew School in the fall so time is running out.

There is also the financial aspect of joining a temple. It can be very expensive with membership dues plus the fee for Hebrew School. From what I have researched, it could cost $1,000 per year or more. I don't know if we can afford that unless I pick up more hours at work, which of course I would do.

Judaism has always been important to me so I have observed traditions over the years. Lillianna knows her blessings (Rich does, too) over the candles, wine and challah for the Sabbath and her Chanukah blessings as we light the candles.

But it isn't enough. I feel like we need to attend temple as a family every week to connect to each other and to our religion. I think that has been the missing piece in our lives. I need to hear the familiar songs and chants that have always brought peace to my heart and I want my family to experience this, too.

Does religion play an important role in your family's life?

Robin P. lives with her husband and daughter in a suburb south of Boston.

Comments

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[amy s.]

Religion is less a part of my life - spirituality is more my thing. My daughter and I have been going to a Unitarian Church and we both really enjoy our time there. The focus is less on doctrine and more on religious "education" and acceptance. It's given me the courage to find what works for me spiritually - vs. doing things because I "have" to.

[gm]

I celebrate with God when I climb a mountain, or sail in the bay, or watch a frog overlooking her tadpoles. I celebrate with God, when I see a smile and return it, when a door is held open, when a courtesy is extended. I celebrate with god when my wife cuddles close when my child laughs, and each time I breath. No temple or church or masque could bring me closer, to god, but they do foster community. If you simply cannot afford a temple, and they will do nothing to help, is that a community worth embracing. I can't tell you what to do, but I believe in your heart you'll know when you find the right place. Best of luck to you and Lillianna as she begins the epic task of completing the circle by bringing the past five thousand years of tradition into the light of today.

[Amy]

Religion, as an organized thing, doesn't really come into play at all. As a cradle Catholic, I failed and still do fail to see a need for the organized part of religion. My goal is to create an environment and atmosphere for my daughter so that she knows that being a good person and showing love, compassion, and caring for others, is sometimes ore important than "knee" time.

When she's older and can make choices on her own, I welcome what SHE decides to be her religion or lack there of :)

That's my take on it!

[Kay]

Also for me, not as much as I would like it to. Neither DH or I grew up in religious families, and although I converted to Christianity in highschool, I haven't been to church regularly since I was about 18.

Nonetheless, I want my son to grow up with a sense of spirituality. Like LPF I almost feel like any religion will do - just that he is growing up with an understanding that there is more to life than the material.

I wish we had more ritual in our lives - that aspect of judaism is very attractive to me. However we have just joined a Steiner (Waldorf) play group and intend to send our son/children to the Steiner school. Although they are supposedly not specifically religious they do say blessings before meals and things like that. They have an understanding of the world which includes a spiritual level. So that pleases me.

[LPF]

Not as much as I wish it would. Mr P was raised Catholic—including 12 years of Catholic school—but can't stand the Catholic church. I was raised by my Catholic mother, who had converted to Judaism to marry my dad, but promptly had us baptized as Catholics once she divorced him!

We attended Quaker meeting for a number of years, but that was a decade ago. When we moved to DC, the Quaker meeting was just too big and overwhelming, not to mention a hassle and a half to get to and park. Now that we're in Cleveland, the Quaker meeting is only a few miles from our house, so once we get settled, I want to start going again.

Having grown up without a proper sense of faith, it's important to me that Miss Pink feels comfortably grounded with a religion—frankly any religion.