Detritus

By Mindy

I was just rummaging through some old papers while pointlessly waiting for my manuscript to print (I swear this book hates me -- I can't write it, print it, or promote it) when I found a tiny square of notepaper covered in my grade-school printing. It was a list of chores I was expected to do:

• Do dishes or set and clear table, whichever week is my turn. (I remember it being my turn for several years.)


• Clean out kitty litter every day.


• Keep room decent.


• Pick up after self.


• Restore bathroom after use.


• Empty at least half of dishwasher.


• Go to store when I notice something is gone.


• Do or help with laundry. (This was for the entire household. And it was mostly "do.")


• Keep mouth shut in place of fighting. (Never did master that one.)


• Empty garbage when full.


• Anything else I see that I can do.

I think this list was written before my mother remarried, so I was 13 or younger. I distinctly remember sitting at the kitchen table in our apartment on Magnolia Avenue while writing the list, the same kitchen table that is in my ex-husband's kitchen for now. Looking at the paper, I can visualize the pad it came from: a three-inch square with my grandfather's company logo printed on the sides. I can tell by the writing that I was trying to be careful, was a little scared, and was trying to use the words I heard earlier in the day, when I had to be reminded of my duties as a member of the household.

That last bullet is the clincher. Did you notice it? "Anything else I see that I can do." Beautiful, that phrase. The elastic clause to beat all elastic clauses: "And anything else."

I remember being absolutely sincere when I wrote that list, and I remember that I was going to try to do everything on it, including that last item. I knew my mother struggled raising two kids on her own. I knew money was tight and that she didn't love her job across town that paid beans. I knew she depended on us to help with the house so that she didn't feel completely overwhelmed when she came home, worn out, to a disheveled apartment. It was bad enough when she came home to the occasional broken window or cracked bedroom door. We were spirited children.

I want to thank my mother for instilling that sense of obligation mingled with a sense of dread and shame when I didn't come through.

(Sorry, had to stop for a moment to tell my children not to suffocate each other.)

I'll let you all know when I get anywhere near instilling the same in my own offspring.

Mindy lives in the Bay Area with her three children.

Comments

[Julie]

Wow. What a great kid you must have been. And I'm sure your mother showed great appreciation for your efforts as well.

Likewise, I hope to instill the same traits in my daughters. I certainly don't know the secret, but I would imagine that consistency and praise have a lot to do with it.

[Robin P]

Although my mother made my bed and cleaned my room until I was about 14 or so,I am a firm believer that children of all ages should help in the house.
My mom liked everything her way,you know,neat as a pin,so she didn't even want me to touch my room. Being a typical lazy kid,I didn't fight her on that point.

Once Lillianna could understand me,I taught her how to put her toys away. Of course I helped her but she had to participate.
Now at almost 8 years old,she is expected to keep her room clean(that includes making her bed),put her dirty dishes in the sink or dishwasher and empty her trash basket in her room.
Sometimes she helps dust or vacuum.She likes that for some reason. I don't argue cuz I hate to do both!!