Men, babies, and duct-taped diapers

By Michelle

There are many women who don't trust their husbands alone with the children. They're afraid that he'll forget to change the diaper, feed the child, or lose the baby somewhere. 

A friend of mine wailed about having to leave her baby at home with her husband recently while she attended a business conference. She was afraid he wouldn't feed their son correctly. Her husband might not fix the formula right, or he might not remember that Baby Joe doesn't like sweet potatoes. She explained that she had to call her spouse every hour to make sure he was handling things right, and she could never relax.

I am of a different opinion. I think men are perfectly capable of caring for the children. But it won't be your method. And that's OK.

Sometimes we see Movie Dads duct tape a diaper to hold it up. While mine never went that far, he did have his own adventures in Diaper Land. Once, I came home from choir practice to find my husband holding the baby in the bathtub, running warm water over our son's bare bottom. Apparently our son had experienced one of those gravity-defying, up the back dirty diapers, and short of hosing him off outside, this was the best my hubby could do.

Another time, I came home to find all the lights off in the house, and "Star Wars" on the television, blaring at full volume. My son was rocking in the baby swing full-speed, his little eyes wide open while light sabers dueled and laser beams shot across the screen. He was entranced. And even better, not screaming.

My husband has also been known to feed our children chocolate pudding and milk shakes instead of broccoli and whole milk. Is it any wonder my kids worship their father? I console myself with the fact that they normally don't reject the broccoli, so a sugar-induced high once in a while won't kill them.

Would I have ever considered these parenting methods? Probably not. Did they work?  Absolutely. Men do just fine with the kids when we trust them. Besides, if they forget something important like feeding the baby or changing it, usually our children have their own ways of reminding them, e.g. screaming at the top of their lungs.

What's the most bizarre thing your husband has ever done to the kids?

Michelle lives with her husband and children in southeastern Virginia, where she teaches sixth-graders and also write historical romances.

Comments

[Alice H]

Oh dear. I have done many of these things myself, including letting my son eat a jalapeno after I repeatedly told him he wouldn't like it (he listens now) and letting my son teethe on my cell phone (mine died too).

I also (one time when I had the flu and was extremely tired after working 10 hours) let my dog clean rice cereal off of my 6-month-old son. Bad idea, rice cereal plus dog slobber makes super glue.

Either it's not just the men or I am a really macho mom...

[ArmyWifeToddlerMom]

Celebration of differences..this was great. Makes me wish I could be like Dad every once in a while

[Michelle]

To all the dads out there who are active parents, who let your children stretch their wings--you're the best!

[Danica]

You know... I've learned that I just don't want to know what DH does with the kids. I figure as long as they're still living when I return, the rest just doesn't matter. :)

[Raquita]

Jay has always been very involved - his most amusing daddy moment was the first diaper - it took him twenty minutes to get it on - and I have the video to prove it. For the most part I think he just trusts her too much (lets her fall more than I'd like to see... Lets her drink the hot sauce cause she picked it up after he said no - this was recently) - but the result is we have a completely FEARLESS child. Which I think will make her a great leader and does make her a much faster learner - besides she seemed to like the hot sauce.

[Brian]

As a proud father I can say the biggest difference between the way my wife and I take care of the kids is when it comes time to dress them. My wife picks out their outfits based on how cute the kids will look in them (adjusting for things like weather.) I dress the kids based on how easy it is to get them in and out of the clothes. I am a BIG fan of Velcroe. I refuse to put the kids in anything with more than one button! I suppose that I'd even dress the kids in flour sacks if my wife would let me (and if flour still came in actual sacks.)

[Rosemary Grace]

I'm not a parent yet, but this post is timely for me: last night my husband said "hey, when we have kids, I can get a SIDE CAR for my motorcycle, then I can still drive them around!

I don't know if there are any laws about that...but I'm guessing if they're too small to be in the font seat of a car, they're too small to be in a sidecar.

When my husband pictures being a father, he jumps right to imagining them in first grade or older. I forsee duct-taped diapers, onesies on backwards, Lord Of The Rings as a lullaby, babies fed hot mexican food, and an extremely devoted caring father. Though I will be watching out for the motorcycle thing.

[dazeymae]

well said.
very well said.

I don't recall any stupifying stunts the dear husband did with the children. But its just the total different approach.
Me: Why is the tablecloth on the living room floor?
He: We were eating with paper plates so it should be a picnic.
Me: You bungee corded the baby to you while riding the four wheeler?
He: I wanted him to be safe, we had a blast. And he got to ride like the big kids.
Me: The Christmas gifts look, er, different. Is that newspaper, string and duct tape?
He: The kids wrapped all the presents by themselves.

My kids, too, worship the ground he walks on. He marches to his own tune, he paves the way for the four of them who do it their way too. So cool.

[Jeremiah Lee]

The craziest thing that I've done is to be a full time dad. To two under two (11 weeks and 15 months) ;)

We dads are -fully- capable, much of the problem lies in the fact that we don't have the role models, and we're told (by the media, by other men, by our wives) that we're not capable. The baby cries, the mom (or Grandma) takes it away, right away.

Give us a chance -from the beginning-, and we can split the parenting workload much more evenly. You won't be as stressed, and we'll feel so much better about our role as a parent and a husband.

That being said, I know that some men won't take the chance without some pushing, so push. When your child is upset, have daddy handle it. Your toddler won't go to sleep, have dad take a shot at walking her around for a while and humming to her. He can do it, he just might not know that he can.

OpenAppleDad

[Suzanne]

Welcome to DotMoms, Michelle!

[Michelle]

Bev--Oh, I love the Diet Coke one. Too funny. My father once gave my sixteen-month-old daughter Dr. Pepper. She's an addict now and will bodily hurl herself sideways if I happen to be holding a soda container near her reach. Sigh.

Sleepless Mama--I never could get my kids to like spicy foods, though I love them.

Thomas--Dancing is such a fun way to get them calmed down, isn't it?

[Bev]

You mean besides putting the diaper on backwards? Or feeding him Diet Coke and ice cream for dinner? How about letting our son teeth on his cell phone? The poor cell phone died a horrid death and now my hubby has a new one! lol I could make a list!

[Sleepless Mama]

For some reason the Bizarro-Dad stuff is a blur, and the last three and a half years cannot be accurately recalled, though I vaguely remember the wacky stuff being food-related. I can say that recently he fed our fifteen-month-old baby girl a tamale from a favorite breakfast spot, despite my concerns about spiciness and excessive grease. Not surprisingly, the child just loves tamales.

[Thomas McCroskey]

I could always put on some really loud dance music, hold Katie facing forward, and dance, and she would just zone. Now she's extremely musical.