Baby registries and everything you thought you'd need

By Michelle

Several of my friends recently became pregnant with their first children. With each passing month, they grow rounder and have that happy glow. Inevitably, they come to me at some point and ask about their baby registry: "What do I really need?"

My opinion is that baby registries have gone the way of weddings. Just as your life will not be complete without personalized napkin rings, cameras, and chocolates bearing your wedding date, you will officially be blacklisted and become a member of the Bad Parent Club if you do not buy a thousand-dollar crib that magically transforms into a toddler bed, a futon, and a convertible sports car. Your crib mobile must have lights, music, and subliminal foreign language lessons to stimulate your child's brain or he/she cannot go to kindergarten. You must buy a baby wipe warmer because if your child's fanny drops to 94.1 degrees, your child will develop pneumonia and it will be All Your Fault.

Don't get me wrong. I love baby superstores. They have invented so many products that are wonderful, and yes, I have been sucked into the trap of buying things I really didn't need. I bought the dazzling musical scooter that doubled as a basketball hoop, not knowing that removing every object from my purse would become my children's favorite pastime.

I bought the pacifier baby thermometer, believing it was a gift from heaven -- until I learned that A) mine gave inaccurate readings and B) my children preferred to hurl it across the room like they were competing in the discus throw.

And yes, I bought the baby headbands and bows for my daughter when she grew hair, only to find that she would rip them out and try to eat them.

When I think of what to tell my friends, it really comes down to this. You are the best gift you can give your child. A hug, snuggling, or reading a story is all they want. My babies never wanted a crib; they preferred falling asleep in my arms after I nursed them. They preferred cheeseburgers and ice cream to organic baby food. And their favorite toy was not the one that flashed lights and sang songs in Swahili. Rather, it was removing all the toilet paper from the roll in a glorious mountain of Charmin.

What was the most useless baby gift you ever received? Which gift couldn't you live without?

Michelle lives with her husband and children in southeastern Virginia, where she teaches sixth-graders and also write historical romances.

Comments

[Jennifer, Mom of Sophia]

What a fun post -- I have a friend who is newly pregnant and almost as obsessed with the stuff of motherhood as I was, and I have been trying to convey how little of it you really need. I remember even resenting the stuff right before Sophia was born -- she was 10 days late and I was so sick of sorting through all the trappings of my baby and not getting to meet the one For Whom All Things Are Purchased. I mellowed out quickly after she was here -- I cared MUCH less about it as soon as I saw her, could hold her, fell in love, etc.

It's also interesting to me how widely divergent people's needs and experiences are. Disposable diapers wouldn't have been a welcome gift at my shower -- we used cloth for the first 6 months. And while at first I thought using cloth diapers was The Best Way to Parent, I have since realized that it's not about the (endless!)details -- cloth or disposable, homemade or store-bought, breast or bottle, crib or family bed, and on and on. It's just about relaxing into what you are as a mom to this particular baby.

That said, Sophia loved the bouncy swing (I could even shower!), and at 11 months I still use and love the Boppy.

[kacey]

We got a cradle swing that I swear saved my sanity. I could get an extra hour of sleep, which at that stage of my life was better than gold...

[Cathy]

My son is only 6 months old so I can relate to your friends - it's so OVERWHELMING when you're trying to figure out what you need, if you've never been around babies much before. The best stuff we got was from our registry - breastfeeding pillow, Gymini, bouncy seat, etc.

The most useless thing was a silver spoon from Tiffany.

The most disappointing thing was the Graco swing, bought in a desperate attempt to save our sanity. My son hated that thing. In retrospect, if I was going to get a swing, I would have gotten the Aquarium swing that goes side to side instead of front to back - everyone I know who has one says their baby LOVES it.

[Tina]

I'm in the pro-wipes warmer camp. My son is nearly two and we still use it. Someone gave me a bouncy seat that vibrated and we never used it once. A lot of the stuff we got we used once or twice before we tried to find someone to pass it off on so they could not use it also. What a waste. Its only later that you learn that babies really require very little.

[Sarah]

The boppy was one of the best gifts we got! For my shower I requested cloth and disposable diapers as well as money for a diaper service. It gave us a chance to try out various brands of disposibles, see if cloth was right for us and eliminated many trips to the grocery store that first month.

[Susan]

Aw, don't knock the wipes warmer. I insisted on one AFTER my daughter was born, because I couldn't warm the wipes enough with my hand in the middle of the night for her sensitive behind -- the slightest dip in temperature would wake her completely during those middle of the night changes. She must just have a sensitive little butt -- but the warmer worked for us.

The most useful present I received was my Boppy pillow. I couldn't live without it -- and I still use it for breastfeeding and to give my daughter a place to fall asleep on, even though she's a year old. Things I didn't use -- the keepsake stuff. I haven't had time to put the tiny pictures into the little rattle thingy or to have the birth certificate translated into calligraphy.

[Kat]

Most useless for me was baby china and metal cutlery. They probably cost 5x as much as plastic and nowhere near as baby proof! Equally useless were shoes (my baby is one and still doesn't use them), woollen wraps, shampoos and soaps (my baby had eczema).

Most useful were clothes, clothes, clothes and my Medela mini-electric breast pump (but I bought that myself). A friend lent me her baby's portable bassinet, which was so handy for the first 6 months.

[Rayne of Terror]

We have gotten 7 months of fun out of the Tiny Love Gymini. Now that Henry is bigger he can turn the music on and off and peekaboo the mirror. A far cry from the days when he laid on it and occassionally batted in the direction of the monkey.

We got so many bottles of baby lotion and shampoo and body wash that we probably won't have to buy any his entire first year. That's nice. Too bad we only got a couple dinky packs of diapers. Now I give a 204 count box of swaddlers at every baby shower I attend. I actually went to a HUGE baby shower last night where I was the only person who gave diapers. Come on folks, does this infant really need a princess soccer ball? Can't that wait for her 1st birthday? Diapers is where it's at.

The mother to be at last night's baby shower has been completely overwhelmed by the stuff of having a baby. Her friends seem to be overbearing on what they consider essential. I told her she has everything she needs already, arms to hold, love, breasts to feed, and a super hubby to pamper them both. She cried when I said that.

[Michelle]

For the, the wipe warmer was the most useless. I do like my Diaper Genie, though you're right--sometimes it does get smelly. On the whole, it's not bad.

Andrea--I'm not far from Poquoson, VA. And I second your opinion on the bottle drying rack. I never did use mine.

One thing that, in theory was useful, but in reality wasn't, was the Snugli. My children were both so hot and sweaty, I thought I'd die of overheating when I wore it!

[Alice H]

But I LOVE my Diaper Genie...it helps to spray it with Lysol every time you empty it.

The wipe warmer was probably the most useless thing we received - it dried the wipes out horribly.

[The Mommy Blawger]

Top on my list of things you don't need:
- a crib
- a changing table (though a changing table pad is helpful)
- diaper genie or a diaper pail

Actually, we did consider buying a wipe warmer when our second was born, after previously thinking it the siliest thing ever invented. However, cold wipes only bother newborns, so we just ran the wipes under warm water for a couple weeks.

[Liz]

I totally know what you mean! I have a friend who recently gave birth to her first child and until the day Baby was born, she was obsessed with the 'things' and hardly focused at all on her actual pregnancy and looming parenthood. I think, much like weddings, the preparation sucks new moms in. We're beginning to consider having #2 and I already know it's going to be different. The obsession of the 'things' totally evaporates after Baby is born... well, for most of us.

[andrea]

Ugh. Diper wipe warmers. How silly! I also hate the idea of those ambiant noise-makers that double as picture frames for the baby's room. Parents can lull their kids to sleep with white noise/sounds of the ocean/crickets chirping/whatever. Talk about screwing up their sleep systems for life.

A woman once told me that as a baby her mother always put her to sleep with an electric fan on her nightable. And now, as an adult, she can't sleep in the quiet. In fact, when she travels she brings a portable fan with her!

For me, the best gifts were the practical ones too: nailclippers, bibs, blankies, baby stroller, cool diaper bag etc. !

[Goldberry]

Where in VA do you live? I too live in VA, but I am curious what is considered southeastern. I live in Va Beach which I think is eastern/southish.

Anyway, back to the post. The most useless gift was the stupid baby bottle dryer rack for the counter top. I owned more than 6 bottles and 4 nipples. It seemed pointless to even own it.

The number one gift that I could not live without would have to be diapers. Everybody needs them at some point. I am all about being practical. Baby shampoos, diapers, medicines, etc. Those things can get so expensive.

[Robin P]

What a funny post....so true,so true.
It's like when you spend extra money on that special toy and your child plays with the box it came in and neglects the toy.*sigh*

Sorry to say I hated the Diaper Genie that wraps the poopy diapers into nice little compact sausage links. That gave me more problems than I wanted so I stopped using it.In spite of what they say....it smelled!! Not of poop but of plastic diapers. I suppose that smell is better than poop but I didn't love this thing.

The best gift was one that I personally bought for Lillianna. I think it's "new and improved" now but it was a Fisher Price Light and Sound gym.Before she could sit up, Lillianna would lay underneath it and kick the lights to go on. When she learned to sit up she hit the lights with her hands. She could do this for hours!! Her little giggle was wonderful to hear. I have bought this toy for every baby shower!!