Pumpkin pie perspective

By Kimberly

Canadian Thanksgiving has a somewhat different flavour than the American version. We have the meal, but not the myth. The food, but not the football. The salads, but not the sales. Like many Canadian Holidays, Thanksgiving is a low-key affair for most, more focussed on a sort of quiet celebration of the individual rather than a raucous nation-building exercise.

What we do have in common, however, is the main ingredient: Family. That crazy-making, wonderful collection of individuals who are bound to you by ties of blood and marriage. Who gather together to play out family dramas over the mashed potatoes, to declare war over the gravy, and just possibly sign peace treaties over pumpkin pie. 

And I confess, my family does indulge in one very American tradition (we stole it from the Waltons): We actually do go around the table and have everyone list what they're thankful for. Most years this tradition makes me painfully uncomfortable. I never know what to say. As my siblings' voices fade into a Charlie Brown drone in the background, I desperately try to come up with something that doesn't sound trite or insincere.

It's not that I'm an ungrateful wretch (well, OK, maybe a little bit), it's just that I feel so lame saying "I'm thankful for our family" or "I'm thankful that we're all healthy." It just seems so... pedestrian.

Let's be honest, most of us take those things for granted. Except when we need to cough up something for the annual Thanksgiving gratitudefest, of course. It's not that I don't mean it when I say those things, it's just that I don't feel it -- I mean, my healthy, happy family is always going to be there, so it's kind of a no brainer, right?

Wrong. This year I sat in a doctor's office and heard the word no mother wants to hear, "cancer." I looked into the eyes of a pediatric oncologist, and while I saw determination there, I didn't see hope. I learned to hold my infant daughter without dislodging any of the tubes that sprouted from her body overnight.

This year as the drone continues around the table my problem is so very familar, but with a new twist: This year, I mean those cliches with every fibre of my being.

As my brother mocks the process by droning on and on about all of the mundane things he's thankful for, I'm hearing the doctor say, "12 centimeter tumour." When my nephew laughs so hard he squirts milk out his nose, I'm reminded of an ng tube gone awry. And when I see my daughter banging her spoon on her tray, impatient to just get on with the feast, I feel the utter gratitude of this moment. 

I try to contain it. I try to stick to the tried and true cliches. But the truth of the moment spills forth: "I'm thankful that Regan didn't die." There's silence for a moment, as the bald honesty of the confession sinks in. Then Sabrina asks, with all the indignation of a leftout sibling, "What about me???"

The spell is broken and life goes on, and for that I'm even more grateful.

Kimberly is a proudly lazy, solo mom by choice to Sabrina (6) and Regan (1). She lives with them in Ontario, Canada.

Comments

[Miss Knitty]

Oh my god, that was so beautiful! It's a cheesy tradition, but sometimes, our lives go to that Movie Of The Week place, and cheesy is the only appropriate response...and it doesn't feel too cheesy at the time. I'm so glad for you and your little girl that things are okay.

[Maria]

I just wrote a thank you note to my son's surgeon. I send one every year on his birthday (3 open heart surgeries in 2 years - now a wonderfully impish 4-yr old). Having a sick child is soooo hard - but I wouldn't give it up. It really has made much more aware of how lucky I am to have everyone I have because am I'm sure you've seen, there's always someone who has a tougher story.

Thank you for a wonderful post. I'm glad both your children are doing well!

[Maria]

Wow, very emotional. Your post is happy, sad, funny, and wonderful. I'm thankful you shared it with us.

[Christina]

Go on and say it! Say "I'm thankful for our family." Your family has been through such a difficult time and in this situation, that is definitely NOT cliche, because you truly and sincerely mean it. What a wonderful offer of thanks.

[Kris]

I love this post, it says so much so simply. Thanks for the reminder.

[amy h]

What a touching post. I can't begin to imagine what this year must have been like for you. I don't even let myself imagine it most of the time because it is too scary for me to consider. I appreciate you reminding me what I have to be thankful for.

[amy]

I admire you. I can only hope that if anything ever arises in my life like that, that I will be HALF as strong as you.