The picky eating habits of toddlers

By Michelle

My son hates hot dogs and hamburgers. Whenever we go to a cookout, he eats the lettuce, tomatoes, and pickles, but leaves the rest behind. I'm convinced he's an alien because no other child I know of will refuse cookout food.

He wasn't always like this. When he was six weeks old, he wanted to nurse constantly, and was 15 pounds at his eight-week checkup. The doctor advised us to start him on cereal, and from that day on, he would eat anything that wasn't nailed down. As he reached his toddler years, I would laugh at the magazine articles about picky eaters.  My son? Never. I knew that I would not be among those mothers. I wouldn't have to decorate his vegetables with happy faces or animal shapes because they never stayed on the plate long enough.

When he was about two and a half, his appetite slowed down considerably. Instead of shoveling in the chicken or spaghetti, he picked at it. Sometimes he'd cry and want peanut butter and jelly. I stuck to my guns, telling him he could have what I fixed for dinner, but nothing else. I felt like a prime candidate for Worst Mother of the Year when he'd whimper at bedtime, "Mommy, I'm hungry."

A few times, I caved and let him have cereal or yogurt. I would think back on how I used to boast to my friends that I would never cook a separate meal for a picky eater.  He would eat my dinner and like it, by golly, or he'd get nothing. But no one could have prepared me for the Mommy Guilt. What kind of parent was I, denying my toddler food?

A year later, it's not as bad. I've learned that it's OK for my 18-month-old daughter to eat more than my son. He generally makes up for it at breakfast, and really, he eats two breakfasts (one at home, one at daycare). I've also started saving his dinner when he won't eat it, and when he complains of hunger, I'll offer the plate back to him. If he doesn't eat it, then he's not really hungry. 

And sometimes, I'll even make happy faces on his untouched hamburger.

What eating challenges have you faced with your kids?

Michelle lives with her husband and children in southeastern Virginia, where she teaches sixth-graders and also write historical romances.

Comments

[Denise]

One of our wackos, I mean twins, will eat just about anything. The other will also eat anything, as long as its hot dogs or toast. He will not contemplate the thought of green vegetables on his plate; won't even wear green clothes. So many nights its wheat toast and the healthiest(?) hot dogs I can find. I'm exaggerating somewhat, but not much. Our pediatrician has always told us to feed them what they would eat, as long as it was healthy. So far so good...

[misty]

my son is just about 3 now and everynight is a full on world war III. i can't get him to eat and it could be our approach that makes it worse. I could use a few helpfull hints. any other suggestions?

[kathie]

A great compromise on the not eating between meals thing that I learned about recently was this: At each mealtime, kids have to eat what is put in front of them. If they don't, that's o.k, but they don't get anything else unti lthe enxt mealtime. The only exception to this rule is fruit and raw vegetables. These foods are available in unlimited quantities. That way, kids are never starving, and learn that fruit and veg is an ideal snack. It works well in our house...

[Jess]

I don't have kids, but the rule in our house was always, "Try one bite of everything - one REAL bite, not just one pea or one grain of rice - and then if you still don't like it, you can leave it and we won't complain." Mom's way of making sure we at least ate SOMETHING was by adding at least one side dish to dinner that she knew we liked, like pasta or fish sticks. As for dessert, we always got it, regardless, because our parents didn't want us to see food as a 'reward' - but dessert was just as often something like yogurt or Jello with fruit as it was ice cream or cookies.

[Nicola]

My guy is picky about nearly everything. The only guaranteed foods that he will eat are macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, and usually refried beans. We are vegetarians and generally very adventerous eaters. But he won't even touch anything that looks like a vegetable. We disguise foods, offer foods that we know will be thrown on the floor, and simply keep on trying. One day green beans might not be the enemy, and for now, he's 99% for height, 80% for weight, and well ahead of the pack developmentally, so we try not to worry.

[Michelle]

Elena--too funny on the McDonalds.

Chris--That's a good suggestion. We definitely don't allow our son to have dessert.

Christina--Wow. And here I thought teenagers would eat anything not chained down...

[Christina]

The saving of the plate brings back memories for me...and sadly, they're recent, not from my childhood memories. I've done the same thing. Still do, as a matter of fact, and my kids are 15, 13, & 9. 15 & 13 have pretty much figured out how to get around that rule and, being teenagers, know how to FIND food, so they won't starve. 9 has Asperger's and, therefore, by nature is a picky eater. I've sworn on the not making separate meals theory too...HA! Tried it. Feel AWFUL making him stay hungry. Ends up with a separate meal so that at least I know he's eating.

But, if it makes you feel better, when 15 & 13 were younger, dinner plates stayed in the fridge, as long as overnight, if necessary - eaten for breakfast, cuz we KNEW they couldn't hold out any longer.

[Chris]

My daughter starting getting picky at about 2-3, too. So the rule became if she didn't want to eat what was on the table, then she could have bread and butter. Of course then she is not "dessert eligible" either. As she got older, she was not allowed to say anything bad about the meal even if she did not want to eat it and had to make the bread and butter herself. It works for us.

[Elena]

The other day I was speaking with a nurse about my twin herbavores.

"No meat at all? Not even chicken?"

"They used to, but not any more."

"Do they refuse all chicken, or is it just your cooking?"

"I'm a fabulous cook, thank you very much. Everyone raves about my chicken. Okay, so I have some pretty spectacular disasters... that one steak stirfry with the lumps of bullion in the glutenous sauce was rather bad... but chicken? My chicken is impeccable... No, I'm sure that can't be it."

"When you go to McDonalds, do they eat chicken McNuggets?"

"Well... um... yeah... I guess..."