I was, am, and always will be a preschool diva

By Mindy

Fellow DotMom Jenn (at Mommy Needs Coffee) got me going with her idea of dressing up as a 4-year-old preschool diva for Halloween. I couldn't do the topic justice in a comment. I. Just. Couldn't.

[Enter four-year-old, stage left.] [I know I'm not going to be four until February. Shut up.]

Hi everyone! I am a diva, and you should know that without my having to tell you. Do you not see my entourage of ponies with scrunchies in their tails? I was carrying a wand the other day; have you forgotten that? Must I haul that thing around as a reminder? I tapped you with it then -- next time, please consult the magic fairy mark it put on your forehead and we won't have to go through this again and again.

Okay. Let's talk outfit. I'll review the requirements. MY clothes must NOT HAVE PANTS, unless they are from Hannah Andersson. There must be a conspicuous dress component. And there cannot be a single spot or spill anywhere on the dress, even if I put it there myself. Soap counts. Didn't I tell you that I couldn't wear that sweater again, ever, with a stain on it? Oh you think it will come out in the wash? Well, we'll see about that, Miss I Think Soap Dissolves in Water.

And for the last time, I will not be cold. Anywhere. Anytime. No matter what I'm wearing. So I don't need a jacket. You can drop it on the floor. And who cares if anyone can see my underwear when I bend over? I can't verify that. You could be making it up.

And I LOVE my ballerina dress, therefore it cannot be too small. See? My arms are in the sleeves. It fits. And it's not too short. Look! When I bend forward it touches my knees! Silly Mama.

And the hair -- I can see you reaching for the brush. Before you touch one tangle, I want you to know that I like my bangs in my face and you will not convince me to clip them back. Same goes for ponytail, pigtails, or that cutesy fountain-thingy you're always trying to do on top of my head. No go. The hairbands just fall out at nap time, or when I stand on my head, or when I tug on them. Anyway. Whatever. And you don't need to comb the back of my hair. It hurts and I can't see it anyway. There. The bangs are perfect, silky and floating around my eyeballs so I can just give them a gentle sweep, like so. It adds to my mystique.

Are you quite through now, Mama? Because I am ready. Laller, laller I can't hear you saying I need to wash my face. I had a bath just last night. How could my face be dirty? I ate all of my toast and jam so there couldn't be any left over in my eyebrows. Silly Mama.

Now let's go! Me first! Wait -- will you carry me?

Mindy is a divorced mother who lives in the Bay Area with her three children.

Comments

[Karen]

Hey -- when did you meet my 4 year-old diva??? :-)

She got soup on her Hannah Andersson dress at preschool last week -- she went through FIVE outfits in her "emergency clothing supply" because they were all pants and shirts. She finally found one skirt that would somehow go with some leggings and a pink shirt.

I never read about this in the Diva Manual.

[Maria]

Uh oh - I'm in trouble. Please tell me this isn't inevitable. My boys are 4 and 6 and my darling daughter is 17 mos and anxious to keep up with them. I don't know what I'll do with a diva!!!

[Christine]

My diva is going to be seven in May. Wait until they hit first grade. They turn their divadom into teasing boys and playing chase. Fun!

[cmhl]

that is SO true. I have a PK-4 little girl, and she is SO a diva. you can't argue her out of anything. she has been sleeping in her dog halloween costume for days. haha.

[Jasra]

That's great!

[Imperfect Mommy]

Oh, how I can relate. Mine's 4 in December and now that it's cold in the east, we are having real problems with getting dressed in pants. (must buy winter dresses!) On Halloween eve, she found a single rose that she made and went to sleep with it on her chest so she could channel her inner Sleeping Beauty (what she dressed up as). They are a trip.

[LauriJon]

Way too funny post. Thanks for the 4 year old preview. It kind of reminded me of the Lola character on Charlie & Lola.

[amy h]

Hilarious post! My "diva" is only 16 months...thanks for the glimpse into my future :)

[Gina]

That was funny! :)

[Gail]

Are you intimating that the sweet little child living in your house is diva like? Pahleeeze!

When my middle child was 4 the only way she would let me do her hair was in "doggy ears". A pony tail directly above each ear. She also only wore dresses. She spent most of her time crawling around on the floor pretending to be a dog in them...named "Ace".