Me Me Me

By Sarah

My DotMoms writing is usually about my daughter. She is my favorite subject and an endless source of interesting (I think) material. And, we are about sharing our joys and concerns here in this wonderful virtual community. But, here is the thing -- there is more to me than just my relationship with my daughter. There is more to me than motherhood and marriage.

My life existed before Lilith was born. In fact, I lived over 30 years before she was born and I was quite set in my ways. Her arrival shook things up and changed me in many profound and fundamental ways. But I still remain, for the most part, who I was all along. 

I am still a bit of a couch potato, I still prefer books to television although I love trashy TV and PBS equally. I am still a tad dramatic, a bit neurotic and a definite klutz. I still obsess over things like cultural, ethnic and religious identity. I am still politically and socially liberal. I am still the product of my own childhood.

My interests are not limited to playgrounds, playgroups, diapers and building blocks.  Lilith is the best kid ever -- better than I imagined she would be. But my love for her and my interest in her is additional in my life. She didn’t replace anything; she enriched everything.

I still love museums (places I don’t imagine she would really enjoy yet), punk music, devouring books in one sitting, drinking red wine with friends, swearing like a sailor, horror movies and all sorts of things inappropriate for children. I still have a career that I work hard at, that challenges me and that I love. I still hate housework and cooking; motherhood has not made me any more domestic. I still like tattoos and very strong coffee and "South Park." I still like to hold hands with my husband and I will always dislike stinky full diapers and sleep deprivation. 

I refuse to sacrifice any part of myself, of who I really am, for my daughter. That may sound selfish, but really I would be cheating both of us if I did. I need to maintain my identity and nurture my non-mom passions and interests. It makes me a stronger woman, a better person and the best mama I can be. Also, I want -- no, I need -- my daughter to see that womanhood is not about giving things up; it is not about this OR that. It is about balance and harmony. Womanhood and motherhood complement each other but are not mutually exclusive.

So, sometimes it really is all about me. But, in a way, that is all about her, too.

Sarah Rachel Egelman is a community college instructor and free-lance book reviewer who lives in New Mexico with her husband and daughter.

Comments

[Mary]

I heartily agree with you. It's healthier for everybody (mom, dad, kids) if mom has interests outside of mothering. Thanks for the well-written reminder.

[Lana]

Ooh, what a great post...a fresh & interesting take on what it means to be a mom & a woman. So much of what you write is eerily parallel to my likes/dislikes.

I love that you've given yourself permission to hate housework and cooking. I do too, but I always feel so guilty about it!

[Christine]

Thanks for your gutsy post. It seems as though the "me" in mommy often gets lost. Kudos to you for voicing who you are.

BTW -- even with two kids, I like really strong coffee, too. :)

[amy h]

Amen! You go, girl! Well said.