Toilet training -- it's never the same way twice

By Michelle

I confess: I thought that since I successfully potty-trained my son, my daughter would be a piece of cake. Girls are easier, isn't that right? I have been humbled.

I've been through the stage of "Oh-my-goodness-what-time is-it-gotta-find-the-nearest-toilet-NOW!"

I can successfully name every toilet within a five-mile radius of my home.

I've learned that elastic waistbands are the way to go, and overalls are banned from any child who has just learned how to drop his pants. 

Most of all, I've learned that when my child says, "Mommy, I have to go!" it means I have approximately one minute and 37 seconds before an accident will happen. 

I have been known to sling my son over my shoulder, hurtling past shoppers in Home Depot at warp speed. My eyes were glazed over while the toilet navigation radar beeped madly. The theme song to "Chariots of Fire" sounded as I raced, and the Hallelujah chorus resounded when we successfully made it to the potty on time.

And then there was Child Number Two. Unlike Child Number One whose only desire in life was to please his mommy, Child Number Two didn't care. Oh, she knows exactly what the toilet is for. She is quite good at pointing, inquiring, "Potty??" and then doing nothing while we read stories, sing, and say the A-B-C's for the next 10 minutes. Yes, you know what's coming. As soon as the training pants go back on, she promptly has an accident with a devilish gleam in her eye. 

I truly don't think this is a matter of her not being ready. I think it's a matter of vengeance against Mommy. She has found the perfect way to punish me for not granting her every desire.

Was your second child (or beyond) easier or harder to train than your first?

Michelle lives with her husband and children in southeastern Virginia, where she teaches sixth-graders and also write historical romances.

Comments

[scobes]

have sucessfully trained 2 boys in 3 days there now 8 and 6 and still dry lol! about to start child no 3 little girl any different? any tips?

[Michelle]

You might check with her pediatrician, just to rule out any medical issues and seek his/her advice. They might have some new ideas.

I discovered that when I'd put my child on the toilet, I had to leave the bathroom and give them some "privacy" or they wouldn't do anything. I'd walk past the door several times to check on them and leave them with a book or something. Usually they'd go, once I left.

Maybe take a nonchalant approach? I wouldn't go back and forth between diapers/pull-ups, and underwear. I'd stick to the heavy-duty cotton training pants and just not make a big deal out of it. Let her be uncomfortable and point out that the potty is there when she needs it. She's getting a lot of attention from it. Maybe try backing off and when she has accidents, make her try to help clean up. They all get trained before kindergarten, not to worry.

[twilight]

Please we need help in potty training our almost 3 1/2 old child. Our daughter knows what potty means, tells us when she went potty in her diaper. Knows when her diaper needs to be changed. She can sometimes has a dry dipaer after a nap. She tells us she has to go potty and sits but nothing happens. This can go on all day.

We have been potty training for a year and a half. She sits on the potty for a long time even 45 minutes, nothing. Even tried 20-30 minutes after eating or drinking, after meals, nothing. But a little while later she will go in her dipaer or pull up pants.

We have tried potty training books and videos, rewards of all kinds from toys, candy to stickers even getting her a puppy, running water, baby dolls/girls that pee, Potty Elmo, even letting her run around with just a shirt on or underwear. Well that last one didn't work because she just peed and peed and laughed about it, just kept on doing it while I cleaned it up.

We are now at the point we are going to take away cartoons and movies and playing until she goes in the potty.

We are frustated and stressed because we need her potty trained for preschool and have a new baby on the way in a few months.

Does anyone have any advice? Is this normal? I see kids potty trained at 2 years. She needs to be in preschool and they will not take her if she is not potty trained. We need help asap.

[Danica]

Michelle, as I said in your blog, I'm just not ready to potty train. My second is a little demon with a mind of her own, and I just don't think I have the strength to attempt it yet.

[Michelle]

Catherine--I'd say parents should never rely on something electronic to do the "parenting" for them. But also, you have to set your expectations early so that you can trust your kids to tell you when bad things happen.

As for blogging, I view it as a fun way to get to know other parents and share our "war stories." I don't think it has any more influence on my parenting than a magazine or newspaper would. You read, get ideas, and make your own decisions.

Elena--when my son started stripping himself naked at night, I knew it was time to give up the diapers for good. Good luck to you!

Beast Mom--Ohhh! I would dream of something like that. Wow, to have her go so easily? You are lucky.

[Kristy]

What a great commentary! I was laughing so hard reading the entire thing but especially the Home Depot incident. Thank you so much for sharing and good-luck.

[Catherine]

Hi,my name is Catherine and I am doing a project on mothers that blog for my journalism class at UNC-Chapel Hill. I'm wondering what parents think. Is it up to the parents to enforce their children’s viewing habbits or should they rely on such tools such as Net Nanny? That do you feel that blogging has helped you in motherhood, and do you feel a sense of community with other moms online? thanks.

[Elena]

Nathan has started dropping his pants and diaper, and peeing on the floor. So I think its time to start potty training. Yipes.

[Maria]

OMG you made me laugh so hard - esp about #1 eager to please and #2 just doesn't care... My oldest son trained in 2 1/2 weeks - #2 son is 4 and well we still have accidents and I hope I don't send him to college in night time pull ups. Just doesn't care - except he does love to pee on trees in the front yard. My daughter is 18 mos old and I am not looking forward to my third round...

[Beast Mom]

I hated toilet training my son and just dreaded having to start w/ my daughter, believing it too would take a very long time w/ much stress, esp in public places.
But miracles do happen.
I started toilet training w/ my daughter by putting "big girl underwear" on her just like I did w/ my son. She just started using the toilet from that day forward. I thought I'd died and gone to toilet training heaven.
-Beast Mom

[Lori]

My mother says she told my brother (older) that he had to be potty trained to go to preschool. He was potty trained the next day. I, (younger and a girl) apparently completely ignored everything and would pee whilst sitting in the sandbox. And continue playing. I'm hoping payback isn't as bad as they say it is...