The monster at the end of the hall

By Kelly

Somebody new moved into our house, an invisible and unwelcome somebody. Thirteen-year-old Tyler brought him to the door and introduced him to his toddler sister, Lila, who now spends 75 percent of her time looking for and talking about this somebody: The Monster. Or, as she says with wide eyes, her eyebrows raised right up into her hairline, "Mooonshteeeeerrr… er… er… er."

Our new guest has brought to light our family's need to work on our potty mouths. For the last seven nights, Lila has hopped down from her chair after dinner, stood at the end of the long, dark hallway that leads to the bedrooms, and said in her most pensive, can-you-believe-this voice, "Ho-dy sh*t. Monshteerrr." We try not to laugh, really we do. We deliver many kicks to shins under the table, and attempt to arrange our faces in expressions of questioning acknowledgement.

"Shall we go look down the hall to show you that there are no monsters, Lila?"

"Monster. In my bedroom. Monster in the dark hallway. Under my bed, too. Big Monster."

We make many nightly trips down the hall to look into every closet, drawer, and potential monster-holding crevice, showing her the usual occupants: puffs of unswept cat hair, rogue socks and shoes, teddy bears she hid weeks ago. Then we try to distract her by building towers out of blocks for her to knock down, or sit on the couch in a warm cuddle to read stories, stretching that endless hour until bedtime with calm play. If she hasn't had a chance to play outside, we put on some music and spend that time doing lots of hopping and dancing to get the ya-ya's out. Either way, every few moments she interjects, "Ho-dy sh*t! Monster in the hall!"

Upon rising each morning she sits up in our bed and talks about the man in the closet with his head on Daddy's shirts, and the monster in the sock drawer. She sleeps so soundly at night now, I have no idea if she dreams about these beings I have come to think of as intruders. Lila has such an obsessive interest in them, I wonder if she even experiences them as intruders. Her attention to them seems so gleeful and welcoming. Like they're good friends. Friends who scare the bejeebus out of her whenever she walks by a darkened doorway, but friends just the same. I get the feeling that if we ever prove to her the non-existence of these monsters, she will be devastated.

So we'll continue our endless loops around the house in search of monsters, while shedding light into dark corners to reveal as much of the unknown as we can. We'll continue to beg her brother to stop finding new, creative ways to frighten this little person who still stands between the worlds of reality and imagination, uncertain how to qualify anything. Perhaps more importantly, we'll keep working on helping her to express her joy and wonder at the possibility of monsters living amongst us with more socially acceptable language.

So far she's taken my, "Holy Macaroni, Monsters!" and used it to embellish her favorite phrase, so today we hear her high, husky voice ringing out in the hallway, "Ho-dy sh*t! Macaroni Monshhteeerrrs!"

I don't suppose I should bother making macaroni and cheese for lunch.

Kelly Ferry lives in Northeast Ohio with her husband, teen son, and toddler daughter. She writes when she can, thinks about writing when she can't, and knows more will be revealed.

Comments

[Christine]

Soooo funny! Thanks for the laugh, Kelly.

Warm regards,
Christine
http://www.diaryofamother.com

[jenn]

Another goodie is that they can't say it if they can't spell it. Unfortunately, they learn to spell the words quickly if they want to say the words....

[Josie's Mom]

I really enjoyed your post about the monsters. We live with a lot of them. My oldest, Josie, has many baby monsters. There are the baby monster babies, the baby monster kids, the wiggles and many more or less depending on her mood. And they are still very much part of our lives even though she is now five.

But we only have friendly monsters in the house. The rule is that the bad monsters have to go home to their mommies at dinner time. They are not allowed to stay if they can not behave. Only friendly baby monsters can stay with us.

Josie's Mom
http://www.mybabymonsters.com
Insights into a child's world

[Pink]

Oh my gosh, that's too funny. Miss P is still learning how to talk and I'm sure she'll have a choice phrase or two to utter some day soon.

[Alice H]

Tell her she's not allowed to say "Holy sh*t" until she can properly pronounce holy. That might at least make her pause before saying it.

My son insisted on calling mac and cheese "brack and cheese", I have no idea why. After trying to correct him several times with no success, we told him he couldn't have it any more unless he asked for it properly. Straightened him right up.

[chris]

don't forget the age-old antidote of "monster go away spray"- anything in an aerosol can ...