Twelve is the new two

By Michelle

My daytime job is teaching 12-year-olds American History, while my nighttime job is teaching toddlers how to be civilized humans. To be honest, there isn't much difference.

We read parenting articles all the time about the terrible twos. But what about the terrible twelves? The pre-adolescents who roll their eyes and screech, "You don't know anything, Mom!" are not that different from toddlers. Just as 2-year-olds are caught in that world of not-quite-baby, not-quite-child, so too are 'tweens caught between childhood and adolescence. The transitions are harder than people realize. We blame hormones, but in reality, we are asking a lot from a 12-year-old when we expect them to "instantly" become responsible teenagers.

I am struck by many parent conferences and the ever-persistent claim that, "My son/daughter is so disorganized! He/she can't find anything!" Or they say, "My child is old enough that I don't need to monitor homework. If they fail, that's their problem." In a way, it's like saying to a 2-year-old, "He ought to be able to dress himself by now. If he can't, then he'll just go naked." Skills like organization and good work habits aren't inherent traits. They have to be taught and reinforced. It's not an overnight process, and you can't give up. When parents consistently train their 12-year-olds to be organized and complete their assignments, they are setting them up for future success. 

The best part is, 12-year-olds crave their independence, just as 2-year-olds do. They are eager for responsibility, even though they are frightened of it. Show them your trust, teach them the skills they need with patience and love, and you'll be amazed at the wonderful child you have. 

Michelle lives with her husband and children in southeastern Virginia, where she teaches sixth-graders and also writes historical romances.

Comments

[Pam]

Thank you for discussing this topic! My oldest daughter will be 11 soon and is already dealing with some of these issues. I am a HUGE supporter of teaching kids good organization and study habits, primarily because I did not get any of this from my own parents. Now today as a 40-something adult, I have two careers that require a ton of organization (meeting planner and parent) and I struggle to achieve the level of organization that keeps my head above water most of the time.

I do not want my kids to end up with this same struggle. Both have already started using paper-based and electronic organizers. This does not mean they remember to use them all the time nor does it guarantee that everything will get done as scheduled. However, it is laying the ground work for the future...whatever it may bring.

[Robin P]

I completely agree with you.
Lillianna is 8 and I check her homework and make sure that she has read for at least 20 minutes every night. I know there are some parents who have no idea if their child even has homework.

When Lillianna is frustrated,I teach her fun ways to do her homework.
It's not easy to be organized but we are constantly helping her to learn good organizational skills. Isn't that on the parenting job description?

The parents that don't guide their children at this age are the same ones who wonder why there 35 year old "child" is still living at home and can't hold down a job. DUH!

Great post!