A visit to the dentist

By Kimberly

I started 2006 with high hopes of putting 2005 and its difficult, terrible memories far, far behind my family. Apparently, that was not to be. 

We saw the pediatric dentist earler this week -- the specialist who can sedate the kids in office to make procedures easier. Ironically, giving the number of times she's been sedated, it turns out that Regan is not a good candidate for sedation. Her history of desating, combined with her tiny size, makes the dentist nervous. So, instead of a blissfully unaware baby, we had the full-on terrified version to contend with as we tried to figure out is up with that dark spot on her tooth that I've tried to convince myself that it was nothing to worry about.

It was. Regan has cavities. On ALL FOUR of her front teeth. She has to be put under general anaesthetic so that the dentist can clean them. And then put crowns on. Oh, and possibly do a root canal. My worst nightmares of the past year are coming true.  Regan is headed back to The Hospital. To the sterile room with the bright shiny lights and the sharp pointy things for another "scary nap." I am once again going to assist in holding my baby down so that tubes can be inserted and procedures can be performed. She's not having actual cut-you-open surgery this time but it's still going to traumatize her. Or should I say, Re-traumatize her.

We'd made such progress lately, too. She was OK in the waiting room, talking and even leaving my side to explore the fishtank. And while she was deeply suspicious of the dentisit during the sit and chat portion of the consult, there no screaming. No. That was saved for the deja vu portion of the experience in which I assisted in holding the flailing toddler down while the dentist put her in a headlock and counted teeth around her screaming "NO!" over and over and over again.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to run and hide. But I held her down. Again. And watched every gain we've made in the realm of interacting with people fly right out of her screaming mouth.

Soon I will starve her all night, take her into the too bright room and lay her on the notbed to once again be put unwillingly to sleep for the scary nap and to awake disoriented and in pain.

How long will this child continue to trust me, I wonder?

Kimberly is a proudly lazy, solo mom by choice to Sabrina (6) and Regan (1). She lives with them in Ontario, Canada.

Comments

[Susan]

I feel for you....my daughter is going to have her fourth surgery next Monday, and there was an 18 month period where any type of medical appointment was accompanied by enormous hysteria. And *I* have cried every time I've taken her to the dentist (every 3 months, although no sedation required).

But what she learns to trust is that you are there when she needs you, you are there when she hurts, you hug her, you soothe her, you explain things (even if she's too young to get it all yet). Yours are the voice and arms she associates with caring, and even if they are also the voice and arms explaining the medical procedures, helping to hold her down before procedures, they are voices and arms of care. You're protecting her, interpreting the experience for her, being there when she wakes. And that's all worthy of trust.

[yvonne]

Often times as moms, we need to do things that are best for our kids that they do not like. It will take them years to realize how hard it is for a mom to do that but, ultimately, if it is best for your daughter, it is the right thing to do. My thoughts are with you.

[Tina]

Bless you in those efforts Kimberly. It's horrible to be the parent of a sick child - I can only imagine how helpless you must feel.

[Sheri]

I feel for you. The hardest thing a mother can do is watch her child go through something painful. My prayers are with you.

[kelly]

Oh, so sorry to hear about this. We went through years of pediatric dental work with my son, it's not easy. Don't know if you're looking for any ideas, but I found Rescue Remedy and homeopathic Chammomile to be very helpful before and after the appointment. For both of us. Best wishes to you both!

[amy h.]

Oh, Kimberly. I don't think you are being melodramatic at all. When you asked how long your daughter will continue to trust you my heart broke for you. This is so very, very hard for both of you. I would just take solace in the fact that when she is coming through the other side of every procedure, you are the one there holding her, and you are the one who knows best what she needs to make her feel safer and better. I wish you much peace in this new year.

[Maria]

Kimberly - how frustrating and difficult for you. My son has a serious heart defect - 3 open hearts by his 2nd birthday not to mention caths, gastro stuff, etc. When you describe the tubes, the starving for a procedure, etc and the hospital - I could definitely relate. It's funny, he's always been great w/drs. despite everything he's been through (he's 4 now) but last night when I mentioned I scheduled his regular cardiology check up he pitched a fit. So far no dental issues, but I just wouldn't be surprised.

Hang in there, hang in there, hang in there!!! It's kind of funny after what I gleaned you've been through from your response to the other comment - dental work sounds so minor - but in a child's mind it's the same intrusion, lack of control. It's not fair. But you'll get her through it. Best of luck

[chris]

oh kimberly, that is scary, scary stuff!! i know those multiple urges to cry, puke, and run, too.
my oldest son (now 22) was a frequent flyer in the ear tubes dept. beginning before his first birthday. hearing him cry on the other side of the recovery room door was agony. (back then, they wouldn't let you in; and i was forcibly ejected more than once. has that policy changed?) all i can do is urge you to be Regan's advocate in EVERY powerful, positive way that you can think of, and know that our prayers will be with you!

[Kimberly]

Thanks for sharing your expereinces Jenne. I'm sure they will be comforting for many mothers (and this has really opened my eyes to how common this is) who have to deal with this.

Unfortunately, Regan is unique. She's one month away from both her 2nd birthday and the anniversary of her Oncology Odyessy. Last March a 12 cm tumour (roughly double the size of a softball) was removed from Regan's abdomen. It weighed roughly a 10th of her total body weight.

So, we know the inclinc light sedation isn't an option because Regan has a tendancy to have herr oxygen level plummet in those conditions. And the fact that at 23 months she weighs 23lb is not upping anyone's confidence in doing it outside of a supervised medical setting. It's also making it urgent to address now because pain in her teeth is making it diffucult for her to eat, and she clearly doesn't have any body fat to lose.

I realize it's melodramatic, but my heart is breaking for her. She's not yet 2 and has endured so much more pain, discomfort and fear than many adults are asked to. It's not fair.

[Jenne]

Kimberly,
I have had three of my children undergo dental surgery. My youngest two were around two when they had it.

It was all at a special outpatient center where we went into a regular doctor's office waiting room and then they had me change my child's clothes into a hospital gown. There the anesthesialigist (sp?) met with me and asked me if I had any questions. When they were ready one of the nurses or even the dentist himself once, I think, gently took my child.

Once they were done they brought my child back to me and even though he was crying I was able to hold him as he calmed down from coming out of the anesthesia.

Even though I was completely nervous the dentist was very reassuring and all went well. It is nerve racking to have a child so young go under but I found that everyone involved was very confident and kind and it wasn't as scary as I thought.

Of course, I don't know your previous experience but I just wanted to share with you that it's probably not as scary as an at the hospital experience.

How old is your daughter? The blog said 1. Is she older now? I know that with one of my sons they waited until he was over a year and a half and had the teeth one or two over from the front teeth in. I know I felt a lot better the closer he was to two. So if your daughter is just one maybe you can ask if it would be better to wait til she's a little older, like another three to six months. It might give you a little more peace of mind.

Good Luck,
Jenne