Lottery fever

By Meredith

We've got Lottery Fever here. And I ain't talkin' PowerBall.

It's full-day kindergarten lottery fever. My town is having a public drawing of the names of children whose parents hope they'll be selected to fill the full-day kindergarten slots for the 2006-07 school year. (It'll even be broadcast on the town cable station.)

And I'm having mixed feelings.

Probably about three-quarters of me is excited -- celebratory almost -- hopeful that my 4-year-old's name will be drawn. Even though I didn't send Casey's older siblings to full-day kindergarten (they didn't seem ready to me) I think full-day could be good for my younger child. Or maybe, the dirty little secret, is that it could be good for me too.

Right now, when he comes home from his half days of pre-school, he wants me to be his full-time play date until his brother and sister come home. He seems like he wants to literally zip himself up in my sweaters and be physically attached to me all day long.

I do play with the little man, but not all the time. Why? I've got stuff, anything from work (paid and unpaid) to errands (meaningless stuff like, say, buying food to feed my family). I also think it's important for children to entertain themselves and not have an adult program all their fun all of the time, so I try to encourage Casey to come up with his own pretend games he can do near me.

But when I try to strike a balance –- say we play for an hour and then we do our own things side-by-side, me working on the computer or reading, him playing in my office –- he's never satisfied with half-measures. Casey gets irritated that I'm not responding to his non-stop stream of dialog, that I'm not immediately recognizing the amazing pile of Rescue Heroes he has made on the floor.

Then he starts doing things to gain my negative attention (crawling into my lap and banging on the computer keys), moving furniture around (plush Elmo chairs, footstools, kitchen chairs), banging Matchbox cars into the door jams. Then I get frustrated. Then my Nice Mommy tone melts away. And nobody has fun.

I know he just wants to be with me. To hug me. To have me cherish everything that he does. I know that I'll miss this when he's no longer so needy. I know the day will arrive when he simply wants me to go away. But right now, here in the present, on too many days, I feel suffocated by the need.

If he went to full-day kindergarten, not only could it work out well for my work schedule, but, once the kids are home from school, I (hopefully) will have the bulk of my day's stuff done so I'd be free to spend time with all three of my kids, to help them with homework, to read them books, to play goofy games in the family room. We'd all be much happier, at least that's what I argue, and my littlest boy would (hopefully) feel less pushed aside.

Casey seems to love school. His teachers say he's having fun. He greets me with a beaming smile when I pick him up and he practically tackles me in a bear hug. But, when I think about those bear hugs, that remaining one-quarter of me becomes tentative about his name being chosen for full-day kindergarten. Will it be too much for him? Will he be unhappy? Am I making the wrong choice?

And then, I ask myself: Is this choice more about me than it is about him?

Meredith O'Brien is a journalist who lives with her family in the Boston area.

Comments

[chris]

every kid is different and all you can do is the best you can with the options you've got. i wanted to keep d2 at home for one more year, but by thanksgiving it was obvious that the two of us were not going to be good enough for each other. enter the community college lab preschool- a wonderful fit, for her.

[Goldberry]

You basically wrote my post for me.

Where we are, we only have the half-day option. I would prefer that, anyway, I think. It just works out better that way for us.

[geezlouise]

In my experience, half-day kindergarten is the way to go. Enjoy those half-days while you can, even though I understand that it would be easier if he went to full-day. In our town, we have a lottery too, but I chose to keep my daughter home while her older brother was at school. We could do so many things -- skating in the morning at the rink, arranging playdates with her friends after lunch -- that get so difficult once they are in school until 3 and you spend the rest of the time driving them and their older siblings around. And then, believe it or not, the older one turns 16, gets his license, and you wonder where the time went. Also, there is zero academic difference between the kids who go to full day and half day. It is a wash.

[Kris]

A bunch of kindergartner's in my town do full day, as does my great nephew and they all love it. My neice was worried because he leaves at 7 on the bus and doesn't get home until 3:30, but he does great. (I think he falls asleep on the bus home though)

A lottery for full time kindergarten really bugs me. We have a K-1 program in town, and only a handful of parents can get their kids into it. The meeting where the names are drawn has been described to me as a "bloodbath." I guess it bugs me that a public school offers something to only SOME students, not all.

Good luck! I hope it works out, for both of you.

[amy h.]

You nailed a lot of the angst that I'm feeling right now (I'm also hearing to wait on Kindergarten for next year). In our case, we have no choice BUT full-day, and I wish that weren't the case. My son does great playing by himself a lot, so unlike you I can get some work done with him around (just hand him a box of action figures and he's in his own world for an hour!). And I worry that the full-day WILL be too much for him and that he will learn to dislike school. But I also worry that it will be too much for me....I love my breaks, but I want that little guy around as long as I can get him. Thanks for your post!