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March 06, 2006

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Scar Injury

Many claims for personal injury compensation focus on the obvious injuries that have been sustained in a negligent act, but often omit to include a factor for psychological trauma when the victim is going to be scarred from their injury for the rest of their lives. One of the methods of funding such an operation is to make a claim for scar injury compensation against the negligent party responsible for your injury

Kari

Jo,

Thank you for putting into words what I feel too, like you I have a scar near my neck and I get stares. I'll never forget my first outting after the surgery with my friends where I let my scare be revealed in honor of a cute outfit.... I was devestated by something RUDE a guy said to me, and the way he stared at me.

You sound like a new person btw, I read this from time to time and I just have to say "Way to Grow" ;)

Still thinking of you!

Kari

paul

Very touching and informative. Thanks for sharing.

I met some people who experienced powerful healing from something called the Life Vessel. NIH (the National Institute of Health just published something on them. Here's some contact info.
CottonWood AZ - 928-634-2441 Jane, or Pittsburgh, PA 412-767-9890. In case you're interested I hope it helps.

You are extremely brave and inspiritional. Much peace and healing, Paul

chris

since i look like a patchwork person- scars on both elbows, both knees, back of the neck, and on my lower back- my kids don't really notice other's scars. one of their favorite people at church offered them wheelchair rides the week he joined. it's not an issue in this case.

Goldberry

I am handicapped in my left arm. It basically just hangs around. I get a lot of stares and sneers and snickers. What bothers me the most is when people feel sorry for me. I am alive and doing great and I have a wonderful life. I could not be happier, even WITH two functional arms. I can't stand pity. And, like you said, if you are curious, just ask. :)

Kim

Congrats on making it through! My dad went through a similar surgery for cancer. He said one of the worst parts was when he wasn't talking right and people treated him as though he was mentally handicapped, it was a real eye-opener for him.
My son is only 2 months so I really haven't done anything to teach him yet.

Jo

I had a wonderful experience last night that I just wanted to share. We were at our bimonthly SpiralScouts meeting when one of the little boys (the son of the parent volunteer) came up to me and asked "What happened right there?" pointing to my neck. I honestly lit up and told him "That is where I had surgery to remove a bunch of nasty cancer so that I could be here tonight". He smiled, said thank you, and walked off.

Five minutes later his sister came up to me and goes "Did that hurt alot?" pointing to my neck. I told her that yes it did at the time and still does but it was made to get lots of bad stuff out of my neck. She smiled, said she hoped it quit hurting, and went off to play.

I turned to their mother and told her "Thank you for not discouraging them and for letting them ask". She told me that they will only learn if they ask questions and that she has taught them that just because someone looks different it doesn't mean they are different. It just means their "wrapping" is.

It was such a nice surprise right after having this posted here. :)

Karin

People stare at my sons' scars and cochlear implants all the time. I have snippy responses if the person is being very rude, but otherwise I use it as a chance to educate. I figure if the person is going to obviously stare, I'm sucking them into some type of obligatory education on what they see. ;)

Hsien Lei

Congratulations on being a survivor!

I wonder people staring rudely is a reflection of our society. In general, people don't seem to be comfortable with their bodies. It's evident from these extreme makeover shows that people are very self-conscious over the tiniest little bit of imperfection, which ALL of us have and some more than others.

If people could learn to accept themselves, perhaps they would be more accepting of others?

Jo

Maria- personally I know I have no problem with children asking questions. I've found a that good way to find out if the person with the scar minds is to just directly ask them "I hope you don't mind but my child is curious about your scar/injury/etc and I was wondering if you would mind him/her asking questions. We are in no way trying to be rude just help him to realize that everyone is the same just in different packaging". ;)

This way they have the option of saying no but also know you respected them enough to ask. I hate when people shush their children when they ask questions about my scar. It makes me feel sad because it's a chance to learn (I'm a homeschooler so to me EVERYTHING is a chance to learn) and also it attaches a stigma to people that lasts a lifetime.

It is wonderful that you are teaching your son that is scar is a badge of honor. I completely agree with that and hope he will always be proud of what he has made it through. You should be equally proud of yourself as well because you went through it all with him. You deserve a medal as well, mom. :)

I'm jealous though, I can't get my youngest to wear underwear! Now how do you manage THAT? lol Thank you very much for the questions.

Maria

Good post - how do you recommend handling curious children with lots of questions? I try to read the body language of the "victim" of my child's inquisition (that applies no matter what the subject is - scar or the big box you're carrying;) - but feel esp sensitive if the person is in a wheel chair or has scars or whatever. They're sincere, innocent, honest questions - but the person in question may not want to answer - at the same time, shushing him and treating it like there's something wrong seems to send the wrong message as well. My middle child has had 3 heart surgeries- his scar is often under a shirt but since he prefers to be naked - (he'll concede to underwear) we've tried to teach him that it is a badge of honor.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Diana

wonderfully written. My son is only 16 months old, but I hope to teach him to understand and appreciate the differences in people.

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