Measuring Up

by Lindsay

During play group a few weeks ago, my 23-month-old, Lily, decided to stir things up a little. 

“Fifteen. Fourteen. Thirteen. Twelve…,” she began loudly, taking blocks out of a bucket.

The room grew quiet as moms turned to stare.  Sensing her audience, Lily continued with gusto, counting all the way down to “…Three! Two! ONE! Yayyyyyy!” she clapped wildly for herself.

“She can count backward from fifteen?” one of the moms asked flatly. “Charlie’s a month older than Lily and he barely knows five words.” 

Immediately, I entered apology mode. “Oh, she’s just a good mimic,” I said quickly. “I was, too, at her age. It’s nothing. She didn’t walk until she was almost 15 months.”

I held my breath. I knew Charlie had been an early walker and luckily, my explanation seemed to work. Mollified, Charlie’s mom began talking about an upcoming consignment sale. I exhaled and looked over at Lily. Little show-off, I thought with a mixture of pride and embarrassment.

Although I secretly think Lily is the smartest toddler the world has ever known (Doesn't every mom feel the same way about her baby?), I don’t want the other moms to know that. I want Lily to fit in with their kids. Heck. I want to fit in with the kids’ moms. And so I find myself downplaying her vast vocabulary, passing it off on freakish genes, her talkative older sisters, or even too much TV.

But when the tables turn, watch out.

“My husband was very concerned when I told him Lily’s already counting to 15,” Charlie’s mom told me a few days later on the phone. “I told him not to worry, though, because Lily was a late walker. I mean, she doesn’t even run yet, and Charlie’s been running forever!”

“She can too run!” I sputtered defensively. “She’s a great runner. She’s really fast! In fact, she's running right now!”  I looked down at Lily standing below me and patted her on the bottom to try and get her moving. In response, she plopped down on the floor.

“Hey Lily!  Come back here!” I panted into the phone for effect. “I can’t keep up with this kid!”

After all, I can’t have anyone thinking her child’s better than my Lily, now can I?

Lindsay is a freelance writer and television journalist raising her 23-month-old daughter and 12 and 15-year-old stepdaughters.  You can read more about her life on her blog, Suburban Turmoil.

Comments

[Angela Giles Klocke]

What a fun post :)

[Lucinda]

Liz, I'm so glad I'm not alone on the bottles in the microwave business. 15 seconds. Three times. Shake well in between each zap.

I used a bottle warmer for the first six months. What was I thinking?! That thing took forever and there's no explaining it to a hungry infant.

Oh and I breast fed, by the way, but I always had a few pumped bottles on hand in the fridge. They seemed to come in handy at least once during the day or night...

I don't know why I'm sharing all of this personal information.

To the rest of you, thanks for making me feel like I'm not the only one obsessing over my baby's development. I realize that every baby is different, but I've always been competitive in the workplace and now that the workplace is at home, it takes a conscious effort not to transfer that competitive focus to my kids. Know what I mean?

[liz]

I nuked Muffin Man's bottles too. 5 seconds per oz. Shake well. Check for scalding temps.

[Nicole]

I hate the comparisons too. My son was walking everywhere at 10 months. Our pastor used to make comments to the other parents of the 10, 11, and 12 months old when we were around, "Look, Daniel is walking, why aren't you walking yet?" It made us so uncomfortable!!

[MelissaS]

I kind of always thought that was true though. My daughter was a chatter box from a very early age, but it seemed she spent her time mastering that skill and not as much the physical skills, like crawling and walking.

My friend's little boy was far more active than her and talked less. Now, at 7 they're both pretty much the same.

I never thought of it as a put down or an insult...I always just thought of it as 'what is'.

[Linda]

As a Principal of a K-2 school, I can readily assure you that every child comes to us with a vast array of differing abilities. Always remember that Thomas Edison was sent home to be schooled there because he was considered to be unable to learn. Albert Einstein did not finish school either, also considered to be unteachable. The greatest concerns we have are when we constantly compare and then worry when something seems to not measure up. While it is great to have some benchmarks to know when we should expect things to happen (sit up at 6 mo, walk at 12 mo, etc.) holding unto these benchmarks as though something dreadful will occur if we don't beat that average mark is VERY destructive thinking. The truth of the matter is that by age 8, it is pretty hard to know which kid could count to 100 first, or which one was a fluent reader at age 4. Relax and enjoy your bright little girl, and be grateful for every precious moment.

[Mom101]

I'm so reading your mail (as the kids say these days). I always feel like I have to follow an acknowledgment about some (early) milestone with a disclaimer like, "well, she's not really a sleeper." But of course what I'd really love to say SEND YOURS BACK! GET A REFUND!

[carrien]

I think you should just ignore the comparisons all together. Just respond to the comment about your child without apology.

"yes, she's pretty clever with numbers."

or

"She can do that because we count down together waiting for the microwave to finish."

DOn't apologize for your child's strengths and don't give in to the need everyone has to compare their child to yours. SHe's clever, good for her. You can be proud of her.

[LauriJon]

Great post Lucinda! Using real world situations is a great way to help toddlers learn to count. The reason Maricella can count to ten is because we always do it when we go up or down stairs and count to 10 when we want her to get out of the tub. Of course the thing that always makes me laugh is the "one more time" for the tenth time.

[Melissa]

I hate the whole competition thing. If one more person had commented to me that my 8 month son wasn't pulling up yet, I would have socked them. Don't point stuff like that out to parents, they are well aware.

And the bottle in the microwave, no biggie, some days I want to put my head in there.:)

[Meredith]

So good to see you here!

The comparisons are awkward, aren't they? And definitely, I'll play down some admired skill MOSTLY so I'll be liked by the other mothers. I want to be invited back more than I care to agree with how amazing it is that he can do THAT!

As always, you say it well, Lucinda.

[abogada]

Wow! That's fantastic that your daughter can count backwards from 15. I think it should be possible to celebrate each of our children without diminishing any of them. Hopefully, that's not wishful thinking. Kudos again.

[mama_tulip]

My daughter was a very early walker but a very late talker and I found that both mothers and fathers compared their toddlers to her vocabulary skills. I always felt compelled to say, "She talked early, but walked late."

Secretly I was so proud of her I was almost ready to burst.

[d34dpuppy]

i hope u print everything u write about her out so she can read it someday.

[Wicked Stepmom]

LOL... so true, so true. *I* can tell you my child is delayed in some milestone, but don't you dare point it out to me or I'll one-up ya! ;)

[Jodi]

Yeah, great post. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said YOU want to fit in with the other mommies. It's so hard to know when you should gloat, and be proud and when you should just be mortified as a Mom. And, I agree with a previous post that said it's sad we can't just celebrate our kids for thier uniqueness and let the rest GO. We're a catty bunch, eh? :)

[Lucinda]

Okay, okay, I'll admit that the reason she can count backward from 15 is that we count down on the timer together when microwaving (yes, microwaving) the milk in her bottle (yes, bottle). Let the slamming begin...

[Steph.]

Congrats on this entry, new Dot Mom!

[ieatcrayonz]

I love you Lucinda. That is all.

[Kristen]

Ha. Backwards from 15? Good Lord woman. So much for basking in my daughter's ability to draw ears, nose, and hair on a smiley face (all scribbles - but well-placed ones).

:)

[Jen H]

Great post - I find myself in a similar situation with my 12-month old. She can't walk yet either, but she says mama, dada, uh-oh, and cat. Uh-oh is by far the cutest, because of *when* she says it... usually its when she's thrown a cup full of juice clear across the room. She looks at me, the picture of innocence, and says "uh-oh mama". It's hard for me when the other mommies stand in awe of her "uh-oh's" while their *younger* babies run around the room. I guess the grass is always greener - it's rare for babies (and adults!) to have equal verbal skills and motor skills.

[Beverlee]

Hey, my kids were the greatest when they were small too! If only mothers could share in celebrating each other's children instead of all the negative comparisons. Great post.