You May Think You Know, But You Have No Idea

by Kristen C.

I always wonder if anyone would watch the MTV "Diary of a Mother with Toddler." I mean if watching Beyonce make her bed or Christina Aguilera dress her dog is considered entertaining, then imagine how riveted audiences would be watching me do both while changing a poopy diaper and eating a tuna sandwich. Granted that even though I'm far from Bootylicious, and the only Dirty I'm singing about is the snot and milk on my shirt, I still think I'm onto something.

While following Mandy Moore around on her Starbucks, personal training session, and movie voiceover adventures might seem rather exciting (for your 12-year-old Mandy Moore obsessed son, perhaps), I'm thinking America might prefer watching a first time mother as she attempts to buy a coffee and drink its contents before it either gets cold or is spilled all over her, all while entertaining a broken-legged 20-month old with her rendition of Candy (song or edible kind - take your pick). Now that's talent.

Or, perhaps you prefer watching Jessica Simpson complain about the paparazzi following her around all day long. YAWN. Try being chased around all day by a babbling toddler and then come talk to me. Crazy men with cameras would be welcome relief. They do have doors on your bathroom, don't they Jessica? I don't think I've had a private pee in almost two years.

And while it's great to see Shakira rehearse for her upcoming tour, I think the dance I have to do each and every day to get my daughter to sleep is way more entertaining. Sure I'm wearing the same clothes I wore to bed and the gym, but my rock, shake, jiggle, and drop is pretty darn hypnotic.

So if people tell me that my life is boring or that they think they know what it's like to be a mother, I'll swing my hair back, smile wide, and say in my very best voice, "You May Think You Know, But You Have No Idea." My diary. My life. Seems exciting enough for me.

Kristen is a former college music professor turned stay-at-home-mother/rock star to her 20-month-old daughter, Quinlan.

Comments

[Lisa B]

I had to check out your post. So glad I did. YOu always crack me up. :-)

[kristin]

i love everything you write! another great post that made me laugh out loud.....

[meredith]

Hot coffee and a private pee, what are those things again?
Great post.

[Andrea]

I'd like to see any one of those celebs do what we Mamas do on a daily basis without the benefit of a nanny to raise-I mean watch their child(ren). For those of us not able to go to BlogHer, will you tape your Shakira dance for us and post it on Motherhood Uncensored? I don't want to miss that.

[Her Bad Mother]

It's exciting enough for me, that's for sure. Especially when one incorporates Shakira jiggles. Ooh baby baby.

[nonlineargirl]

Wiping the poop, eating the sandwich. Wiping the poop, eating the sandwich. Wiping the sandwich, eating the...

[Alyssa]

I absolutely loved this post. It's so true.

Loved it. I'll be back for more. Found you through Motherhood uncensored.

=)

[tracey]

Yes indeed, us Moms are the true celebrities.How do we do it??

A couple of days ago when I was taking my 2 sick kids out to the front yard to stretch their legs and get a little fresh air (we've got cabin-fever, big time) my husband looked at us before we went outside (in our 1/2 pajama, 1/2 longe wear ensembles) and had the nerve to comment that we looked like street urchins! HA!I call us the walking wounded and damn it, I'm still standing and draggin my troops behind me. That's pretty damn glamourous if you ask me!
Go try that Lindsay Lohan!

[sunShine]

So true. How funny!

[Sunshine Scribe]

So very funny, insightful and TRUE. Loved it.

[Kristen]

And obviously, I am very excited about it. :)

[Kristen]

I'm drafting a query letter right now.

Thanks for your thoughts folks. I'll save my Shakira dance for blogher. :)

[Kristen]

I'm drafting a query letter right now.

Thanks for your thoughts folks. I'll save my Shakira dance for blogher. :)

[Robin P]

Very funny post.
May I add that instead of watching a celebrity jumping into her car to ditch the paparazzi,you can watch me as I shout,"Go,go,go!" to my daughter as I not so gently guide her into the car when I pick her up from school. I give her enough time to buckle and then I peel out of the parking lot to shuttle her to her Brownie Troop meeting. It makes for a fascinating car scene....really!

[Petite Mommy]

Oh, I would definitely watch a show like that! Especially if it was you! I LOVE this post!

[Lucinda]

I would totally watch you on MTV.

But I personally think we're more suited for Animal Planet...

And honestly, I think the juxtaposition of "tuna sandwich" and "poopy diaper" is going to be with me all day.

[mama_tulip]

Sign me up. LOL.

[krista]

FOR SURE.

[Julie]

Why do you think I read blogs instead of People Magazine? I find everyday people infinitely more interesting than celebrities.

[misha]

awesome.

[Karen]

Welcome to my life, MTV.

[Antique Mommy]

Very funny! And very true! Great post.