In search of my hotness

by Kristen C.

I’m not exactly sure when or where I lost it, but I’m pretty sure it’s long gone – my hotness, that is. Do you remember yours? I had a love/hate relationship with mine.

Sure. I loved modeling, free drinks, and hot dates. Who doesn’t? But, the nasty cat calls, bad pick-up lines, and unwanted affection are quite forgettable. However, considering I haven’t had even one questionable 3.8 second glance in ages, I’m ticked.

When I was pregnant, I decided to put my hotness on hold. I tried to do the “regular-just-a-size-larger-with-belly-peeking-out” tank top look ala a pregnant Rachel on Friends. I even wore maternity thongs. But, that lasted until my seventh month. And then I gladly welcomed the “these-could-shelter-1400-refugees” underpants and the blessed belly panel jean skirt and called it a night. So long, hotness – see you after the baby.

I packed up my own underwear and a flattering black nursing nightgown in my hospital bag, convinced that no one would get me (the on-hold hot one) in one of those hospital gowns and disposable underpants. But, suffice it to say that after popping a large child from your crotch, you could care less about the underpants and the gowns.

I stuffed myself into my going home outfit and tried desperately to get my hotness back by attempting to fit into anything that wasn’t marked “large-pregnant-woman-wear.” Since all I could find that fit were an old pair of socks (hey - they weren't maternity socks!?), I decided my hotness may in fact have left forever.

I gave up for awhile. Maybe it was the stinging pain while peeing or the rubbing of the lube on my nether regions just so I could enjoy a bowel movement. Or perhaps it was the baby that was almost constantly attached to my saucer-sized nipples that you could see from China (the nipples, that is). In fact, I'm pretty sure if you type in "Kristen's Nipples" on google earth, you could see them. No magnification required.

So, lately I’ve taken to trying to spruce myself up. A pedicure here, some shaved legs there. I bought some new clothes, joined the gym (to which I go every once and awhile – particularly when I want to read and shower in peace), and found some cool shoes. And I’m hoping that with a little effort – four pounds of make-up on a light day – I might just find my hotness.

Granted I’m a little wider, and a whole lot wiser, I’d still like it back. At least before it’s gone forever, and all I have are crappy boring stories of “that old and wonderful hotness.” Those were the days.

Kristen is a former college music professor turned stay-at-home-mother/rock star to her 20-month-old daughter, Quinlan.

Comments

[christina]

Ah hotness, how quickly it goes with the advent of children. I have lost and gained more pounds and degrees of hotness then I would like to reveal, however, I keep telling myself that keeping myself well and working at staying happy and focused is what my kids will see and remember, not my pant size!

[Waya]

For me, I've never had any hotness when I was growing up. I was always considered as the "ugly duckling" or the late bloomer. The hair would stick out every which way, the lips would be huge that it could almost touch my nose.

But as I graduated from college and entered the corporate world, I've gained more self esteem being a salesperson. And thus, my hotness came through.

And after three kids later, my husband still looks at me with such love and lust that constantly reminds me that I still have my hotness!!

My hotness is here to stay as long as I have my husband around! ;-)

[Nancy]

I have redefined hotness for myself, as well. It took me a while to figure out that I had to give up my old perceptions of hotness (the pre-baby, teens and twenties hotness is SOO different from now!) Now I'm realizing that I might not be the skinny-mini self that I once was, and that's OK. I'm caring for my face, hair, clothing... all that kind of stuff... better than I used to. So I guess it is a different kind of hot, a "gotta work at it" hot, but I'm coming to terms with it.

Great post!

[Bonnie Friesen]

I will be 59 years old this summer. I have been a mom, a step-mom and a step-grandma and I can tell you that there is nothing in life that has given me more pleasure or more pain both physically and emotionally. All I can say to every one of you moms is that you are all precious gems with unique features and qualities and I hope you will never lose sight of this. Please learn to shine from the inside/out. That kind of hotness will never fade and is the only way to experience true joy in life. It has taken me a long time to figure this out. I now know that being addicted to the attention and approval of other's only robs us of our joy. Love yourselves and those beautiful little babies who need to know that they are also precious gems. Let's just treasure life itself and all the beauty that surrounds us that we tend to take for granted. This is freedom. We are the directors of our our lives and the movie we produce can be a love story or a nightmare, it's all about the lens that we look out on the world with! Love life and live it in happiness and health. Start starring in your own movie and forget about the attention and applause of others. This kind of hotness is always so short-lived, after the high, always comes the low.

[Amanda]

During both of my pregnancies, I desperately wanted people to know I was pregnant. I didn't start really showing until my last trimester. So up until then, I looked like I was just fond of the ole brewsky. Those first few months after giving birth are hard for all of us, trying to get your body back to normal (that is if you can ever acheive "normal" again) During that time, the last thing on my mind was hotness. I just wanted to SLEEP! I did feel semi hot while I was nursing though, because I was sporting double D's for about nine months.

[tracey]

I'm coming to terms with my 2 children later, pushing 40 hotness. It ain't so bad. I even caught the Pizza Guy making sure he was coiffed enough (via his rear view mirror) to deliver my pizza. Talk about your ego boost.

[Lucinda]

I totally remember losing the hotness during pregnancy. When I first started showing, men gave me appreciative glances and I thought me and my little round tummy were pretty darn cute. But by the third trimester, people were only looking at me with pity and mild disgust. Plus, I was really hoping Hubs would have a pregnancy fetish because my sex drive skyrocketed- alas, no.

[antiquemommy]

I was never more hot than when I was pregnant. It was a weird kind of phenomenon and I loved it! My hubs still thinks I'm hot though and has a "thang" for me, so thats all that counts!

[mothergoosemouse]

I think it's more about a state of mind than a dress size. Last week, I walked a few blocks to pick up lunch, and I noticed people watching me. My first thoughts were along the lines of "is my skirt hem caught in my underwear?" It did not initially occur to me that I might have actually looked kind of cute.

I'm working on it though. Changing my state of mind, that is.

[Binky]

I still want to be hot. I don't want to have to convince anyone of my inner beauty. I've never been the sentimental type, and neither has my husband, so the idea that a person is beautiful just by virtue of being a mother just doesn't do it for us. My daughter can cast her adoring gaze upon me, and that's nice and it feels good, but to me that has absolutely nothing to do with beauty, and even less to do with hotness. I want to be a MILF. That's not to say that my idea of beauty hasn't grown a little bit with me. A little wider, a little wiser--it's all cushion for the pushin', right? ;)

P.S. Kristin, I have no idea what you look like, but you carry your Internet-self very hotly, indeed!

[Motherhood Uncensored]

I'm all about redefining hot. I just wish the rest of the world would catch on, right? It's crazy what people think is hot these days... OY!

[Mom101]

I don't know if I should laugh ("1400 refugees!") or cry (all the rest of it). You've hit such a nerve. Every time I think well, it's not THAT bad I do something stupid like try and put on a bathing suit. And while I love adymommy's comment, the truth is I just ain't hot, any way you spin it. Oh well. I had a good run while it lasted.

[Stacy]

Pregnancy can certainly deplete your hot factor, at least for a while. The good news is, you can usually get it back with a little motivation and exercise. The bad news is, there’s something else that can diminish your hotness besides having your body wrecked by pregnancy and your life being overrun by motherhood. It’s called age. Ack!

[Maria]

Yeah - I third Randa. You know, intellectually I know that hotness is a state of mind - if you feel hot - it often doesn't matter how big you are (to a certain extent...) but if you feel fat and dumpy you look that way - even if you're size 4. I'll bet you find your hotness soon. Loved your post!!

[SassyK]

Very well said adymommy. I can't sympathize with the physical aspect of this conversation because I adopted (which is great if you want to keep your figure!!!!)But, I did have to give up my little yellow sport car for a Mommy Mobile because the car seat wouldn't fit in the back seat of the car. Which was more important?.... if I never get another look from a guy other than my husband again, it's all worth it when my son looks at me and I know that he's happy. Like many of you, the women in my life that I've looked up to and wanted to be like were almost all mothers. You don't have to be a size 4 with perky breasts and a small tight butt to be HOT. I would think it better to be with a HOT momma who is "normal" with a confident attitude than with an "abnormal" perfect model who only worries about her looks. I am not generalizing all moms or models into these categories, I'm just making the point that majority of people are not what we see in the magazines. I think we should redefine HOT......

[krista]

I remember when I was pregnant, and I mean REALLY big, in my 8th month- and a truker honked at me from behind. I'm sure he got a shock when I turned around to look at him and he saw the giganta belly.

Normally I would be VERY irate at such action, but that day, it made me so happy I was smiling the rest of the day. It's funny how pregnancy/motherhood can change things in the hotness (or preceived hotness) category of our lives.

[Mega Mom]

It comes back, it really does. Look at all those hot 40 somethings lately. My sister has 4 kids and my SIL has 5 and they look hotter than a lot of 20 year olds!

[Damselfly]

I second Randa. But I love your post! And I want to know how you get to be a "stay-at-home mother/rock star."

[adymommy]

Your hotness isn't gone, it just comes in a different form. When your a young 20 something with no kids you rely on your hotness to get you where you need to go. You pick up Cosmo rather than Parents, you know everything there is to know about physical appearances. After you have a baby you learn what it is like to love and be loved back. Those little eyes stare at you and somehow this thing that just put you through 15 hours of hell, opens up this entire world that you never knew existed. This world that starts with sore nipples, sleepless nights, and poopy diapers. Then it turns into tears of joy when she rolls over, nervousness of starting solids, baby proofing the house(because it may be just a newspaper but it also taste great and rips into a million and one pieces) You are in the middle of hotness. It isn't Cosmo's #1 turn on for a guy but being a mom of any shape, or size,is better than any pickup line from a guy. You are beautiful because you are a mom.

[Randa]

Be happy... at least you at the hotness at one time. I've been in search of my hotness my whole life! :)