Looking for home

By Kelly

When I hung up the phone and told Tyler that our loan got approved, clearing us for takeoff to our new house in the city, he ran into the back yard and let out a joyous “Whoop!” throwing his lanky body through space, and kicking dandelion seeds loose. He shook his fist at the endless lawn that he hates to mow.

“We’re out of here!”

During our family meeting about the move last month he told us how he’s really felt from the beginning of what I think of as our Country Living Experiment. “I hate it here. I like the outdoors, but there’s too much of it. It’s too much work. There’s nobody to hang out with.” We knew we wanted to leave, but that settled it.

The kids spend much of their young lives strapped into a moving vehicle. While we love our pickup, we’re tired of driving at least thirty minutes to do anything. We chose to homeschool after a disastrous first year in the school system. All of our connections are in town, where the schools are much better. Tyler will go to junior high next year.

None of us has made any lasting friendships out here, and our experiences with neighbors have only made us keep more to ourselves. People are neighborly enough, and willing to help you out of a bind, but not friends. Conversations are riptides that take us, unwilling and unprepared, into the muddy waters of racism, misogyny, and conservative “values.”

Chris’ commute will go from thirty minutes to three, gaining us an entire month of forty-hour workweeks together each year. We bought a house with enough land for me to get my gardening needs met, and to continue doing the farmers’ market in the summer. Now the market will be just a few blocks away. As will the library, a grocery store, Tyler’s guitar lessons, four families with kids we enjoy, and our adult friends. The house is adjacent to Chris’ parents’ property, so we’ll be more available to help as their need grows with their failing health.

Still, I worry about the effects of all the moving on Tyler, that it has adversely shaped the man he is growing into in ways we can’t see. We’re moving into his eighth home in fourteen years, my sixteenth in twenty. He’s never had a place to settle in and let his roots grow deeply. This may not be the one either, because he’s exploring the possibility of high school in New York with his father.

Gratefully, I know this new property already has some of our roots growing in it, even though we haven’t taken possession yet. The moment we walked in it felt like home.

I hope Tyler feels grounded living there. That he’ll put down some roots, and be happier living in a community. That no matter where his life takes him, he’ll know there is a place he can return to—in body or in spirit—where the people who love him live peacefully and fulfilled. That it’s not too late for him to know that home in his heart.

Kelly Ferry lives in Northeast Ohio with her husband, teen son, and toddler daughter. She writes when she can, thinks about writing when she can't, and knows more will be revealed.

Comments

[kelly]

Thank you all for your comments, your thoughts and experiences are very helpful. I know we're just on yet another cog of the wheel, and it's so good to hear how others have come through a lot of moving in their lives. I do appreciate you taking the time to tell me about it!

[Meredith]

I grew up with all the moving. Eventually I noticed that some kids had been in one place the entire time I moved from coast to coast and house to house. And they knew other kids from birth! There were jealous moments where I didn't feel a part of the place. However, I always figured out a niche for myself and as soon as I was able to make decisions for myself I was moving to and fro myself. There are things you forfeit with all the moving BUT you see so much in the way of how people do life. And so much about how you can adapt and learn from each and every situation. And truly, I think, my heart is bigger and more open than it could possibly be if I had stayed put. For me, all this moving has been a gift. Perhaps Tyler will feel something similar someday.

[Kimberly Schaefer]

I think that all of this moving will have a surprisingly pleasent affect on your son. I grew up in a family where we moved a lot until I was in high school and although I had never planted any roots in a home town I had a very close relationship with my parents that I still maintain and encourge my daughters to as well. It seems like he is truly excited and you are doing this for his benefit and that will show. So have no fear, what he may have missed in growing roots in a physical address rest assured that he has gained in strengthening ties where it matters most: With his family.

[Amanda Sanders]

My kids and I spent some time in Germany, and talk about a different lifestyle! We walked everywhere we went, got fresh bread daily, everything was bustling and lively... Now we live about 30 minutes from town on a few acres of land out in the hills and pines of East Texas, and it can feel a little isolated sometimes. But on the other hand, it's serene, and private, and the kids love the freedom of running through fields, getting dirty, picking flowers. There are times when I miss our former lifestyle very much, but I chose to come back to the States to be with my husband. The kids are much happier now, and I'm really settling in. Our organic vegitable garden keeps us busy, and that is one thing we wouldn't have been able to have elsewhere. Some of the people here have a very narrow mind set, but it's what they were raised on I suppose, and you just have to take the good with the bad. Most are honest, hardworking individuals who would do anything to help a neigbor. They're the kind of people to whom a handshake is still as good as a contract. Living here makes me long for simpler times.

[amy h.]

"Conversations are riptides that take us, unwilling and unprepared, into the muddy waters of racism, misogyny, and conservative “values.”" What a great sentence - and boy do I relate!!! I hope that this move is a good one for all of you. Nice post!