Can you hear me now? Good!

By Robin P.

I love and hate cell phones for the same reason: everyone has them and they can be used anywhere. I understand that many people work from their cell phone and I think that's great. I really do. Modern technology is wonderful. My sister and her fiance forward their business line to my cell phone when they have to be out of the office so that they don't miss any calls. It saves me a 40-minute commute to their office, which is a blessing for me.

I don't have anything against the cell phone except when it seems to prevent a parent from interacting with his/her child. I can't count how many times I have gone to the playground and watched a child on a swing calling,"Mom!...... Mom! Can you push me,please?........Mom?......Mom?" Off in the distance I have seen the mother holding up her "just a minute" finger to the child as she continues to talk on her cell phone. I don't know if it's business, pleasure or a family emergency, but the child is trying without success to get Mom's attention.

It makes me wonder if the mother had promised a fun day at the playground with her child or if she had said, "I've got a ton of phone calls to make today so try not to interrupt me, okay?"

When Lillianna and I go to the pool in our apartment complex, I go with the intention that we are going to have fun together. Sometimes we swim together. Other times she does flips and turns under water and I am her captive audience. I also walk a lot in the pool for exercise and Lillianna rides on my back. We play our own version of Marco-Polo in which she closes her eyes while I recite nursery rhymes or name candy bars so that she can follow my voice and find me. That always makes her laugh so when she finds me,I get a big hug and a chlorinated kiss. That's the best part.

The other day, a neighbor brought his two young sons to the pool. While he chatted on his cell phone for a very long time, his two boys screamed and punched each other in the pool. Cries of,"Dad!.....Dad!!!!" went unanswered as the dad turned his back to the pool, covered his ear and continued talking on his cell phone.

I always notice parents on their cell phone at the pool. My time at the pool is devoted to my daughter because life is stressful enough without so many interruptions. Even if my cell phone does ring, I say, "I'm at the pool with Lillianna. Let me call you when I get home." I bring it just in case Rich has to call to say there is a change in his schedule and that he'll be home late from work. If that's the case,we stay longer at the pool!

What are your rules about using the cell phone when you are spending time with your child/children?

Robin P. lives with her husband and daughter in a suburb south of Boston.

Comments

[abogada]

I never do it. But my daughter is just under two years old -- I would never spare any of my attention out of a fear of her getting hurt or wandering off. When she's older? I hope that I will treat her the same way I like to treat adults -- I think that having a phone call when you are supposed to be interacting with someone else is just plain rude.

[Darci McGrath]

I have 2 older children - 15 and 12.5 - when we are together there are times when it just us and sometimes I am making call after call. Quite often it is reagarding an issue effecting them - soccer or school. I do make a point to put down the phone when they get in the car after school - this is prime connection time for us and I will not have it for too much longer. Use it when you got it...

[Raquita]

With my kid I work very hard to make sure she never feels like I'm ignoring her, Its one of hte few little things I can do to insure she has wonoderful feeling about her self. blogging, Cell phones, t.v all have there moments where it may take me a mommy or two before I turn my attention to her, but she knows its coming, ASAP. besides there isn't much via a cell phone I want to hear more than my kid anyway.

[Mama of 2]

Hey Robin,
You and I must be on the same wavelength. Go check out the post on my site titled "Heaven forbid...what on earth did people do before the invention of the cell phone"

You can certainly get my take on it all there.

[Maria P.]

I see both sides of this issue. I have to be on my phone a lot for work but whenever possible I try to let my calls go to message and return calls during the set times I've listed on my voicemail. Obviously some calls just cannot be missed though.

I am guilty of ignoring my kids for a few minutes to finish up a call with a friend I haven't spoken to in awhile and of course for an important business call.

When I hang up my phone though, I turn my attention completely towards my kids and focus on them as long as I can until my phone rings again.

My business is one where I have to be in contact with people constantly. My kids are learning how to talk to me at the appropriate times unless it is an emergency and sometimes even get to chat on the phone with my clients that know and love them too.

I think that having a person there with me at the park is more distracting than a phone. Although no one looks at me weird if I am chatting it up with another mom there at the park - I find that I pay even less attention to my kids then.

I try to meet my kids attention needs but I have social needs as well and I expect my children to learn that they need not be the center of attention at all times. Life doesn't work that way. :)

[shaz]

You know the un-answered "mommy, mommy" cries for a child annoys me to no end!

My son talks non -stop sometimes, and I think its possibly because I always listen to him... sometimes I blame myself for the non-stop chatting! But i am glad that he knows I am going to listen to him... and on the rear occasion that I don't, he reminds me... "mommy, you have to Listen to me!"

As parents, we all need to pay attention to what kids are telling us, and encouage them to talk to us from even a young age so they grow up knowing that we listen!

[Jennifer]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one annoyed by the cell phones during "play time"!

I will confess, I do take my cell phone with me during our stroller walks and often get family business - booking doctor's appointments, arguing with the bank, etc. - accomplished while I walk with the stroller. As the mother of a 13-month-old, I know that time's coming to an end, and she'll be wanting to chat while we walk. But once we hit the park/zoo/pool/whatever, the phone's down and we're together, playing. Because that's my job! Interacting with her! And believe me, it's a great job.

My heart breaks for all the kids swinging next to my daughter in the infant bucket swings, caregivers - both hired and biological - pushing the baby every tenth swing while chatting away on the cell phone or even reading the paper! The children make no attempt to interact with the adult, having long ago learned the futility of that.

So thanks for speaking up. Who knows, if adults put the cell phones down, maybe they'll be able interact with not just their kids, but the other caregivers around them!