Finally, I WIN!

By Kristen C.

I'm really not that competitive. I mean, I love a good game of Pictionary and Charades, but other than that, you won't see me racing down the road trying to get to the red light before Mrs. Honda Odyssey, or trying to beat the slow old lady to the shortest grocery line. I figure if there's no monetary prize or bragging rights, then what's the point?

But when it comes to my daughter, I admit to keeping score - with my husband, that is. And up until yesterday afternoon (much to my chagrin), he was in the lead by a mile.

I've been building my negative score since her infancy. My first loss happened when she decided to poop out the side of her diaper for the first time. "Who put this diaper on?" I fumed. Heh. Then I realized that I had in fact placed the questionable diaper half-way on my daughter's tiny butt. Darnit. Mommy: -1, Daddy: 0

Then there was the one and only time she has ever fallen out of the bed. Of course it just so happened that I decided to bend down and pick up the same pair of boxer shorts that always just misses the laundry basket every single day when she decides to take a dive off of the bed and onto our hard wood floor. Mommy: -2, Daddy: 0

And worst of all had to be three broken bones (two in the leg and one collarbone) in three months, all of which occurred while she was in my ever vigilant, almost eagle-like  care. Mommy: -2045, Daddy: 0

To credit the husband, he doesn't rub it in, when really, by all rights, he could. Granted, I am with her for most hours of the day (and night), but still. He keeps his mouth shut. However, I have seen the smug "I'm in the lead with a score of ZERO" look every now and then. And it bugs me. Big time.

So, I can't tell you how pleased I was when my daughter skipped into the bathroom (right next to the computer room where I was working) and started popping around in front of the mirror. Curious to see what all the clamor was about, I peeked in. And to my pleasant surprise, I found her entire face covered in my favorite lipstick. It was a beautiful mask of nude shimmer moisturizing lipstick by Almay.

I quickly scooped her up and ran to our front room where my husband had been sitting about two feet away from her while she decided to give herself a lipstick facial. And I didn't say one word. I just laughed and tried out my "smug-I-finally-got-one-on-you-sucker" look.

Mommy: 0, Daddy: -1

Kristen is a former college music professor turned stay-at-home-mother/rock star to her 20-month-old daughter, Quinlan.

Comments

[Jennifer]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one that falls behind in this competition! A vigilant as I try to be, my 13-month-old seems to trip and fall on the hard concrete right as we walk past daddy, who gives me that look (or so I imagine) that says, "What are you doing, woman, that you can't even protect your own child two feet away? This would never happen on my watch." He sees a scrape or bump on her and has to restrain himself lest he give me the third degree just to assure himself that I was, indeed, sober and watching our child.

As you can see, I'm a bit defensive about the majority of her mishaps happening on my watch; but then again, like you, my watch is 80% of the time! So I, too, am gleeful when he's at bat with her while I get dinner ready and she falls and starts crying. He looks at me shamefacedly, and I'm able to reply magnanimously (while smirking on the inside!): "It's ok, honey, it happens to all of us."

[Kristen]

I figured since I went through 15 hours of labor and 21 months of breastfeeding, I could at least get a 0 out of it.

Not such a bad trade off, considering.

[Latte Man]

How did this get you back to zero? ;)

[Jeff]

I am way ahead of my wife when it comes to "The Score".

But in all fairness, I was not pregnant with each child and I did not breast feed them.

[Her Bad Mother]

Husband here got up some points by cleaning up the tub dump. But that still didn't catch him up. I'm breastfeeding. In blistering heat. And don't get me started on pregnancy and labor...

[foursistersbathandbody]

I don't know what my score is, but two mornings ago my 11 month old woke me with squeals of delight. When I went into his room I was greeted with a dirty diaper on the floor, poop all over the bed and him...including his face, hair and hands, not to mention the tiny poopy footprints scattered all over his crib sheet. What a mess, but the glee on his face was priceless!

[melissa b.]

Love that face on Q.

And, congratulations!

[Mom101]

I'm with Joy - start setting him up. A full sippy cup with the cap "loose" should be good for a point or two. We won't tell.

[joy]

hmmm. i seriously think you could begin to engineer this business. i suggest some well positioned play doh or glitter pens when you happen to know daddy is in charge. and a blank piece of wall. yup.

[Sunshine Scribe]

Ahh that must have felt damn good. Well done!!

[krista]

hey, How'd you get back to zero? Haha.

[krista]

Hey, how's you get back to 0?
Haha

[Amy]

What a great story!!! Thanks for sharing with us!!