Mapping the future

By Kelly

I’ve been all over the map with my work and lifestyle choices. I thought for sure this last time around, the house in the country, the big market garden, home with the kids, homeschooling, working slowly at getting us less dependent on the grid, was going to be it. Forever. Or at least a couple of decades.

But here I am once again, due to my own choices, abandoning what I thought was “it” for something else. Now we live firmly planted on a major power grid and the decision to move means we have to ride out the poor real estate market in the area we moved away from. Two house payments means I’m going back to work, Ty is going to public school, and Lila to a preschool daycare.

But I’ve been in this place of surrender before. Two unplanned pregnancies. Moving to another state. Marriage, divorce, marriage. Stay-at-home. Work full-time. I thought for years that I’d just keep working the magazine circuit, doing design and production work for whoever would have me. But I hated graphic design. Loved the pay, the flexibility, the mostly good and interesting people I met, but the work? Hated it. Every time I sat down to a project, I doubted myself so much.

I have no degree, have never taken a design class, and everything (what little) I do know, I learned on a job. But really, it was just the practical “photo here, big type, little type, fix the kerning, white space is good” sort of work. Rote. Uninspired. I didn’t really know what I was doing, even if I was pretty good at it. I must have been okay, I always had work when I wanted it. But I’m not fooling myself, I’ve never been talented. I feel the same way about parenting!

I’m clearly not a farmer, either. A gardener, yes, but big production growing even on my small scale was too much for one person. Homeschooling isn’t working too well for us either, and Lila is so excited about the prospect of going to “school” that she potty trained overnight. I look at these signposts and think, "yes, we're going in the right direction."

This job I’m hoping I get is copywriting for a huge toy company, and the idea of being able to work with words for a living gives me a bit of a shiver. Words I understand. I know what to do with them, and why to do it. The connection and inspiration are just there waiting for me. The college degree I stepped away from finishing was in journalism and creative writing. I always found it ironic that I spent so many years working for major magazines and never had a single word published in one of them. That I never even tried.

So my life is in major flux again, but I think I might finally understand the lesson this new change is once again wrapped in: never say never, and forever never comes.

Kelly Ferry lives in Northeast Ohio with her husband, teen son, and toddler daughter. She writes when she can, thinks about writing when she can't, and knows more will be revealed.

Comments

[Janet]

Change is good. That's what they always say. I am petrified of change...I try to stay away from it as much as I can. You have given inspiration to a gal who hates change...You will be fine. You will do your thing the best way you can, and if writing is what your new job is about...You are gonna kick...butt...You're amazing!

[Angelina]

oops, sorry for the double posting!

[Angelina]

I have also just moved and changed my intended career path. I thought my last home was the one I was going to grow old in, that I was going to continue with my business part time and be a part-time homesteader. Now I'm in a different state working WITH my husband in our retail store (we divide our time at home and store so we don't have to be with each other twenty four hours a day) and I've learned a lot from this whole huge change. Pretty much the same as you've learned. I learned that it's not important to live in one place forever, it's important to be flexible with your direction in life to accomodate all the unexpected turns, if you follow your gut you will most likely continue to find yourself in situations that are good for you, even if they aren't what you expected.

Maybe this new job is important to help you hone your professional writing skills that you will need for some larger more personal project in the future. Maybe when you don't have two house payments any more you will end up achieving the other dream, the one you had to let go of in order to keep yourself financially afloat. Or maybe the way things are unfolding for you and your family right now is exactly how it's going to be for a long time because you all find great satisfaciton in it. Who knows? You will, in time.

I have learned now not to worry about it. I keep building new ideas of how I would like my future and let it unfold as it needs to. I'm strangely at peace with that. A very new thing for me.

Lots and lots of luck Kelly!!!

[Angelina]

I have also just moved and changed my intended career path. I thought my last home was the one I was going to grow old in, that I was going to continue with my business part time and be a part-time homesteader. Now I'm in a different state working WITH my husband in our retail store (we divide our time at home and store so we don't have to be with each other twenty four hours a day) and I've learned a lot from this whole huge change. Pretty much the same as you've learned. I learned that it's not important to live in one place forever, it's important to be flexible with your direction in life to accomodate all the unexpected turns, if you follow your gut you will most likely continue to find yourself in situations that are good for you, even if they aren't what you expected.

Maybe this new job is important to help you hone your professional writing skills that you will need for some larger more personal project in the future. Maybe when you don't have two house payments any more you will end up achieving the other dream, the one you had to let go of in order to keep yourself financially afloat. Or maybe the way things are unfolding for you and your family right now is exactly how it's going to be for a long time because you all find great satisfaciton in it. Who knows? You will, in time.

I have learned now not to worry about it. I keep building new ideas of how I would like my future and let it unfold as it needs to. I'm strangely at peace with that. A very new thing for me.

Lots and lots of luck Kelly!!!

[Anjali]

Good luck with your new life! I really respect the fact that you took risks, changed your lifestyle, and now are changing it again.

[Patti]

Hugs to you, Kelly! Doubting ourselves every now and then is what we moms do best, don'tcha think? Change is exciting! Good things always come out of change, even if it's "just" a real good life lesson. And it's never too late to come Full Circle and (finally) end up doing what you dreamed of doing decades ago. I'm living proof. Best wishes to you all!