Desperately seeking my motivation

By Kris

I want to lose 20 pounds. Really. I do.

For days, I've had WeightWatchers.com open on my computer, mouse perched over the "buy" button. You see, they have a "deluxe at-home kit" that has everything I need to lose the weight. At $130, it's pricey, but I'm the heaviest I've ever been. I need to do something soon or I'll have to buy a whole new wardrobe. That will cost much more than $130.

Trouble is, this pesky voice in my head isn't so sure the Weight Watchers kit will help me lose 20 pounds. After all, my niece proposed swapping childcare to work out, and so did my neighbor. Have I followed up on those offers? No, I have not. Ten minutes of simple exercises a day would help trim my waistline. Have I done even one push-up? No, I have not.

So, the pesky voice has a point. I'm already well-versed on the logistics of losing weight. Maybe a myriad of food lists with points and a calculator won't help me slim down. Maybe what I'm lacking is simple motivation. Which, true to my luck, no one sells.

Over the years I've gained and lost this 20 pounds at least five times. Along the way, I've used different tricks to stay motivated. Do any of them translate to my life now, as an almost-40 mother of three? Let's see:

• Wear clothes that make me feel fat. The theory is, it's harder to order that large fry with my stomach hanging out over my pants and both thighs numb from lack of circulation. I do have a foggy recollection of this working for me in the distant past. But I did this faithfully for the last year. It just makes me cranky.

• Think how fantastic I'll look at my goal weight. I've hit my weight goal and, eh, I looked all right. Why put myself through all the exercising and deprivation when a simple A-line skirt accomplishes so much?

• Think how hot I will look in a bikini. Two summers ago, I reached my goal weight and bought myself a flattering bikini. Despite the lack of cellulite on my spray-tanned legs, despite my flat abdomen, I had no desire to wear the bikini "around." Outside the water, I prefer to be more covered up. The allure of the bikini is dead to me.

• Do it to please my man. Do I even need to explain the many ways this doesn't work? OK, one example: Two years ago, the summer of the goal-weight bikini, we went to a wedding. I chose an outfit to accentuate my new body. Was Brian bowled over by my trim waist and firm buttocks? Maybe. I believe he said, "You look nice." Contrast this to last week, when we went to another wedding. Twenty-five pounds heavier, I wore an A-line skirt and a wrap top with belly-hiding folds. And Brian said ... "You look nice." Although sweet, Brian is no wellspring of weight loss motivation.

• Realize how much longer I'll live with faithful exercising and a monkish calorie intake. This is just so arbitrary, isn't it? We all know I could get hit by a truck tomorrow.

• Think how much better I'll feel. Oh, fine, so I'll feel better if I lose the weight. That's true. But I also feel quite pleasant after eating a huge plate of pasta or a bar of chocolate.

Well, that last one does still has some motivational power. If I eat well and get some exercise, I'll be less stressed and have more energy. In short, I'll feel better. Isn't it ironic that those benefits will come, even if I don't lose a single pound? Maybe that's the problem: I've been focused on the wrong thing. I don't want to look great. I want to feel great.

If nothing else, I just saved $130.

Kris Clouthier is a weight-obsessed freelance writer and stay-at-home mom to three. She lives north of Boston.

Comments

[Jason]

Kris, I feel your pain and I understand how hard it is. I don't suggest you try dangerous fat loss pills or fad diets, as you will just gain all the weight back. Have you ever heard of Calorie Shifting? Its a new diet technique and its been getting great reviews. Check it out at http://www.hardgainersguide.com/fat-loss-4-idiots/

[Barbara]

Loved your blog and I totally understand about gaining and losing that 20-25 pounds and trying to find the motivation. That's where I am now - got the 20 pounds back and feel tubby even though people tell me I'm "thin." Not to me -- those 20 pounds on a 5'4 frame really show. My earliest motivation in my teens was a bet with my brother. That worked - lost 20 pounds. In my 20's someone I respected sat me down and told me that my career would go a lot farther if lost some weight and looked less sloppy. Lost 20 pounds. In my 30's I left my first husband, moved to another city, had no savings at first and couldn't afford to eat for about 2-3 months -- lost 20 pounds. In my late 30's, I joined WW (for health reasons - didn't want my dad's diabetes or my mom's high blood pressure) and lost 20 pounds. Now that I'm 46 and have the 20 pounds back, nothing seems to work to get me started. Last time I tried WW I was bored by the meetings and resented spending the $$ for meetings. I run marathons but half of the time my training is half a@@'d and I pop into Starbucks for a low-fat coffee cake. Did you ever find your motivation? What was it?

[Sherri]

Oh how I love this blog! How did I find it? I typed in the search bar "over 40 want to lose 20 pounds". How funny. I relate so much to what you wrote that I could've written this one myself. I am 43, mother of 3 kids who this year will be 18, 16 & 11. After my first two I was oh so motivated and I got right back into my size 8. In fact I was a size 8 when I got pregnant with my 10 year old. But with having her at age 33 (that's my excuse)I have never gotten back down to my size 8. Maybe a 10 a time or 2, which right now I would be thrilled with, because I am a very well fitting 12 right now. Pushing 14, which I refuse to go up to. Anyway, I know the solution is motivation. Unfortunately for the same reasons you state, I just don't have it!

[mcewen]

Good grief woman! I can't imagine where you are hoping to lose this weight from judging by your photograph? Do you have very big feet or something?
Best wishes

[Shrinkingmom]

I've lost 54 pounds since Easter . . . without Weight Watchers! (I know! It's a miracle!)

I'm following the low GI diet (Rick Gallop's book) which is super simple. I figure that I will make permanent changes that I can live with for the rest of my life.

Twenty-two pounds left to go.

I blog about my diet at "The Amazing Shrinking Mom." :)

[vickie]

ok all, 130 IS expensive but then again you can just go to meeting for under 10 a week. I'm a weight watcher and if you want motivation, the meetings give you tons of it. It's also a way to carve out if just a bit of time for yourself. My leader is SO motivating it sets me up for success throughout the week. Love it!

Worth a try for what you get!

[kristi]

I bought myself training sessions at the gym. It has made me feel stronger in the last 2 weeks. Today I actually ran 1 mile without stopping and I know if I slack off, at my next session she will get her revenge. It is a great motivator!!!!!! Good Luck!!!!

[Chris]

A comment from someone past the child-rearing years and into the menopause years: Lose the weight NOW. There's no way any woman can adequately explain to you how difficult those pounds will be to lose once you start down the menopause slope. Sign up for the at-home Weight Watchers. When I did, my husband commented that the program kept me so busy I couldn't think about eating! And, it worked. Bottom line.

[Patti]

Thanks for this post. Now I have supported reasons why I don't have to do WW this year!

[Karen]

When you find that motivation-- bottle it up and send me some!

[Antique Mommy]

Once you have kids, it is more of a challenge to find time to work out. And when I do find that bit of free time, I don't want to work out. I want to write, shop or read a book.

Also, and it's just my opinion, because my mother has done well with weight watchers, but I think the only way to lose weight is to eat less (of everything) and move more. There's nothing to buy. Sorry Jenny Craig.

[Kris]

I have made the same decision. I need to do it on my own. I can weigh myself. I started blogging about it, so I think I'll get that accountability part from being so "out there" about it.

My 2 biggest motivators are 1) not getting diabetes like the rest of the females in my family and 2) I love to wear and look good in clothes.

That's it really. There doesn't need to be more.

[pink]

I understand your dilemma. I lost 25lb this year (about 1/3 of what I want to lose overall and 1/4 of what the medical experts say I should lose) and am now in the process of gaining it all back again by becoming pregnant. (V. happy to be pregnant, not happy to see weight coming back.)

The reality is this, if you don't want to lose weight, you won't. It doesn't matter what tricks you try and pull on yourself or how much money you spend. It's a decision--and not an easy one. For me, I found WW meetings to be the thing that kept me going. If I just did at-home or online, I didn't have the accountability I needed. (Yes, I realize that somewhat contradicts my saying that you need to make the decision yourself, but you can make the decision and still need someone checking up on you.)

Maybe it's not the right time for you to concentrate on losing weight. If you have a lot of other stressors, it's not going to happen. Maybe instead of thinking about it from a numbers perspective, you take your neighbor/niece up on their offer(s) and make a commitment to working out. And maybe you decide to buy yourself 1-2 outfits so you feel good at the weight your at, rather than feeling like your punishing yourself.

Because if you're looking for motivation, why would you do anything for someone who's being mean to you? Even if that someone is you?

[Robin P]

I feel the same way,Kris. I lost 50 pounds in the past year but I have 50 more to lose and I can't seem to make the necessary changes to make that happen.

The problem is,I'm depressed about a lot of things that I can't actually control so the one thing I could control(my weight) by better eating and exercise,I don't feel motivated enough to do.

All your healthy reasons are darn good ones. I've made that list too. I know I have to make some changes but when life feels like it's out of control,my good eating and exercise plan is the first to take a hit. I'm a stress eater and that's hard to stop!!

I know you feel 25 pounds overweight but you don't look it. You are the weight I would kill to be.
I tried buying a skirt for my sister's shower this summer and I looked like a blimp. Be proud that you can wear any type of skirt and look hot!
That's my goal!

[Amy]

I'm doing a thing over at traineo.com where I've started my own little Biggest Loser competition. There are no guidelines (like what diet to follow etc) you just log in your weight and height every thursday and it's a competition. We have like 40 people doing it right now...and competition is just what I need to get going. :) email me if you want more info. I'd love to see you join!!!

[surviving motherhood]

I know the feeling, I am trying to convince myselfto start exercising at the moment with lines such as 'the next 6 months are going to pass by anyway, won't you be much happier if you are thin rather than fat at the end of them' - it's not working yet but I keep trying.