Rhymes with "soup"

By Kris

Most kids go through a "bathroom talk" phase, and my boys are in it. At ages 5 and 6, it's no longer just run-of-the-mill body parts and secretions. Now, they add sophisticated adjectives such as "hairy," "stinky," "baby" and the show-stopping combo "hairy-stinky-baby."

Sick of giving warning and time-outs, I found myself pretending not to hear them in the other room:

"I can't believe your stinky head!"

Beavis and Butthead laughter.

"You big hairy baby butt!"

Beavis and Butthead laughter.

So enamored did they become with the rebellious rush of uttering forbidden words that it spilled over from the playroom to the dinner table.

"Do you want some peas?"

"No, I don't want any butts, poopy head."

My husband and I handled this development with the utmost diplomacy and maturity. We yelled, lectured, sent them to their corners, issued empty threats of bed without dinner. I may or may not have banged the table with my fist. The neighbors may or may not have been concerned.

After three days of dinnertime skirmishes, I blurted, "That's it! No video games until you both START USING YOUR MANNERS!"

A few days later, when nothing improved, I also took away TV. This will hit them where they live, Brian and I agreed.

Two weeks into the ban on all "screen time," the boys were unfazed. Even more surprisingly, so was I.

Now and then, I have let them watch a "baby video" with their sister, and one day I let them use their Leapsters for an hour so I could meet a deadline. We still have our weekly movie night. Overall, though, I have learned that without the specter of a video game or TV show on the horizon, the boys don't whine incessantly for them. Instead, they chase each other playing cops and robbers, shoot hockey in the basement, or do laps through my dining room on their plasma cars.

One day, Ben asked for a video. I chuckled, but he shot back, "An exercise video?"

"You're on," I said, and pulled our dust-covered Chicken Fat videotape from the cabinet. I did have to say, "Join in or leave the room," a few times, but in the end, we all got a work out and had fun doing it.

Even though the video ban has had benefits beyond what I imagined, I remain, once again, humbled. I look back fondly to the early days, when I believed I could teach my kids not to jump on my couches every time I turn my back, when I thought consequences for bathroom talk would make them stop using it.

"So, John, how was beach day at school today?"

"It was so goobledy poop, Mom!"

Beavis and Butthead laughter.

While manners have vastly improved at the dinner table, I still hear a lot of bathroom talk though the day and have gone back to time-outs when necessary. The battle wages on.

Even my 20-month-old has joined enemy ranks. She recently pointed to a picture of a baby and said, "Poop."

"What?" I said the first time she did it. "Are you saying ... she has a poop?"

"Yes," she answered primly, then proceeded to point to all the babies saying, "Poop, poop, poop ..." as I rested my head in my hands.

The other night, Brian began reading "Tom and Pippo's Day" to Ava, and he mispronounced "Pippo" as "Peepoo."

"It's 'Pippo,' " I corrected him from the couch, where I sat with the boys.

"You mean, it's not 'Peepoo'?" he asked, grinning. After 10 minutes of tear-streaming laughter, we headed upstairs for bed, where the boys let fly all the bathroom talk they could muster while Brian and I pretended to be deaf.

I guess in parenting, it's not always whether we win or lose, but how much we can laugh -- and ignore -- in the process.

Kris Clouthier is a freelance writer who lives north of Boston and has not conceded defeat in the war against bathroom talk.

Comments

[Lill]

Ah, I remember those days. My DD, the youngest, is 9, but she was a champ at this kind of thing. She didn't learn it at school, because we're unschoolers, so I guess it's inherent. She still falls back into it once in awhile, especially if she's with a friend and they're both getting silly. I just ignore it then, but if it gets too loud or obnoxious, I remind them that it's only really funny to little kids and that they'll outgrow it. That seems to put a damper on it. Then there's my 17 yr old DS and what I hear when I pass his bedroom door and his 3 friends are over. Whoo-hoo. Bathroom talk isn't in it. But this too shall pass, I'm sure. As long as they're respectful of other people's feelings, I don't worry.

[wwwmama]

That's funny. Something to look forward to, I guess. (sigh)

[amy]

First, this is so well written - and funny! I have just entered the potty talk age for girls, apparently - as my 4-year-old daughter is getting into it. I have to admit though, I blame the boys in her preschool class. :) Love this post!

[Eliza]

hehe Oh, how I hate that language but at least you made this as comical as possible. Thank you for the different view on this, it really did put a smile on my face.