The lonely little girl in the sandbox

By Tina

The weather was as nice as it ever gets around here during Spring Break. Sean and I took the opportunity to visit a nearby park that has a sizeable sandbox, some major playground equipment, a trail that winds through a wooded area, and even a shallow rocky riverbed that is perfect for skipping stones. In short –- little boy heaven.

Apparently everyone in the entire school district had the same idea as the park was swarming with kids. Sean and I set up camp in the sandbox where we were building infrastructure for a future sand castle development when a little girl of about seven or eight sat down beside us and took up residence.

"How do you get blind?" she asked me out of the blue. I have that effect on children, they see my wisdom and they are drawn to me. Either that or they can smell the Tootsie Rolls I keep in my pocket.

I looked around to see where her mother might be, but there were so many kids running here and there, it was hard to tell who belonged to whom. "Um, well, there are a number of ways people can become blind..." I started to explain. And then I hesitated because I wasn't quite sure where and how far to go with this conversation. And where in the heck was this kid's mother anyway?

"There are 100 blind people at my school!" she exclaimed

"Oh, really? 100? That is a lot of blind people," I said.

"Well, really there's just one."

"Oh. Just one."

Sean and I continued our work in the sandbox, and she continued to sit nearby and twirl her long ponytail and tell fantastical tales. I would occasionally look up at her and smile. It's hard to know in a situation like that how much to engage a child. I was, after all, a stranger. But to be guarded in such a manner, against a child, works against the very core of being, my being that is now a mother and programmed to look out for all children.

"My mom yells at me," she offered.

"Oh?" I said.

"One time she hit me, right here," she said pointing to a small cut above her eye.

"Oh really?" I asked, trying not to sound alarmed.

"Sometimes she throws me across the room."

GULP! Oh my, oh my, how I wish she hadn't said that. It's hard to know when to believe kids. Just a few minutes earlier, this same little girl had told me there were 100 blind people at her school. Sean will tell you he has a farm in Canada and a girlfriend named Cindy, neither of which is true. I pray to God that he doesn't tell strangers that I hit him or throw him across the room. But if it were true, I pray to God that a grownup would believe him and do something about it.

After that exchange, she got up and ran off. She disappeared into the sea of running, sliding, swinging, bicycling, screaming, squealing children. I tried to follow her with my eyes. Sean tugged on my arm, he had sand in his eye. When I look up again she had vanished.

And if I had watched her run back to her mother, what then? What would I do? What would you do? The lonely little girl in the sandbox with the long ponytail left me with a big question mark and a broken heart.

Tina is a post mid-40s mom to three-year-old Sean who can outwit, outsmart and outplay her on any given day.

Comments

[Mary G]

My daughter came home from kindergarten and told me the principal hit her with his shoe. Story turned out to have been channeled from a book read in library time. Kids will do it. In your example above, I would count in the previous tall tale and take what she said with some scepticism. I would sure watch for the child again, however, hoping to see her with her mother and get some more information as to whether you need to act.
Thoughtful post! Thanks.

[Pammer]

I kinda think that we should all be "mandated reporters" - for the sake of the kids. With a healthy dose of adult curiosity and logic perhaps more kids could be safe.

[RobinP]

Lillianna doesn't carry Tootsie rolls in her pockets but her peers are drawn to her and they reveal some interesting details.

When Lillianna tells me,the balls in my court.

In one case,a classmate told Lillianna her mother tells her that if she wants to eat,she has to make it herself. She was 8! Then she said her sister throws her down the stairs. Sounded kind of Cinderellish to me but I sent a note to her teacher.
The child went into counseling with the school therapist. I may never know if it's true but either way,she is in counseling.

In another situation,a little girl in her class never brought a snack in so her friends secretly shared with her. She told Lillianna that the rent is too high (we live in the same apt complex and it is very high!!) so she can't afford snacks. Again,I sent a note to school and now the teacher provides this girl with her daily snacks.

It's tough to know when a child is fibbing. Hopefully,this little girl was making it all up but....WHERE THE HELL WAS HER MOTHER IN THE BUSY PARK??????

[Lois Martin]

Tina, what a position. I know your struggle. My grandson told me his mom, my daughter, hit him twice on the arm. I felt deep in my heart that he was telling a tall tale, but had to check it out. He was ready to move with me and call the police on his mom. My daughter was sitting there the whole time. I asked him where they were when she hit him and he looked at me and told me Sonic. Oh, he was three at the time. I then asked him if he knew what a lie was. No, he said. Long story short, he was fabricating because he wanted to go with me to my house. I had a talk with him, explaining that if things like that happen to him he should always tell, and he should never make things like that up. THen I sat my daughter down and had a long talk with her about what could have happened had he told that story at school. She and Ryan then had a talk while she was giving him his bath. I watched them interact from the sidelines and felt reassured that he was just telling a tall tale. Scary, though.

[Thea]

Mmm, what do you do, when you don't know the parent so you could not call anyone on them? If you confront the parent, and it is true, would it make it worse for the child?

[Mommy Dearest]

Oh, boy, that's a tough one. Sometimes kids are so hard to read. No matter what, you did a good thing talking with her.

[pokettiger]

I feel for you second guessing yourself. It is sometimes so very hard to know what to do and when to get involved.
I work in the field of adoptions with children who are in foster care. I also am married to a school teacher. In the field of social work and being a teacher you are mandated to report anything that could be abuse. This would have been one of those moments when being a mandated reporter would have been such a relief because it takes away the second guessing of what to do. When you are mandated you cannot discount anything told to you or ignore any signs of abuse you witness, you must report it to CPS.

[Paulette1958]

Yes well my mom did those things to me as well, I told anyone who would listen and it surely fell on deaf ears. I am a product of severe childhood trauma.
I listen then I call cps and I have it investigated.
Good post.

[cce]

That's a tough one but based on the 100 blind people I'd say that this little girl was telling tales for effect.
My son's best friend walks around saying he hates his mother and my gut tells me there is something seriously wrong at their house but it's only instinct not fact. Bears watching but not over reacting. Perhaps my own children walk around telling people they hate me (after all I don't allow them to watch television on weekdays). Kids are famous for hyperbole. Don't sweat it.