By Amy Heesacker
As my family and I stood in front of the women's Halloween costume wall at Party City, I tried to imagine myself at our neighbor's kid-friendly Halloween party dressed as the "Sexy Rag Doll."
"No, the giant lollypop is not real," I'd say. "But the thigh high stockings with giant bow garters are!"
Good grief! Is this the costume section or did we accidentally enter the darkened backroom at the local video store? I tried to get my son interested in some of the gorier masks on the opposite wall as I sensed that he was experiencing an awakening akin to finding your dad's hidden box of magazines in the furnace room.
My husband quietly suggested that I consider buying the "Countess Carmella" costume for a private party later that night, but I declined.
My son was pushing for the "Devil Lady" in red fishnets, but only because he wanted to borrow my pitchfork. My daughter wasn't interested in helping me look for my own costume as she alternated between begging for a second costume for herself and crying about the scary hand that moves when you come near the candy bowl.
I really didn't expect to spend more than a few minutes choosing a Halloween costume, but as my eyes darted from one scantily clad "Cocktail Hunny" to another sexed up "Disco Dolly" I felt like this was going to become a time-consuming process of elimination based on modesty and decorum.
I am not a prude. I own a push-up bra, for goodness sake. But locating an appropriate women's Halloween costume to wear to a kid-friendly party has become as challenging as finding a pair of jeans that stay up when you sit down.
Ultimately, I walked out of the store without a costume. The "French Maid" felt too much like my daily life and "Hot Cha Cha" would have required too many sit-ups. So, for now I'm planning to wear the same old witch costume I've worn for the last three years, but I might go back during the clearance sale to pick up the "Pirate Wench" for my husband's birthday.
Amy Heesacker is a thirty-something SAHM and part-time psychology professor living in the deep South with her husband and two children.