The last 24 hours have been Harry's naughtiest yet on record. He is only 2-years-old. Today, I feel about 50.
Yesterday - before nine o'clock in the morning, he got a chair, climbed up to the cupboard, found the bottle of Calpol and drank it, (luckily there was hardly any left), sprinkled it on the armchair and all down his clean clothes. He then removed his clothes for another day of being naked, and promptly peed on the new rug.
Later he stood on the arm of the sofa and removed all the books from three high shelves, hurling them onto the floor and posting them down the back of the sofa. These aren't just any old books - it was my special antique collection, (was - being the operative word.)
After that he unplugged the video machine and TV and removed all the wires from the back and hid them around the house. He then threw the TV onto the floor, closely followed by the video machine. Now the TV has a big hole in it and makes a terrible vibrate-y noise all through my favorite soap!
A bit later he sneaked into the kitchen and stole the new box of rice cereal and took it into the sitting room and liberally sprinkled everything with hundreds of those stupid little crispies. Then he climbed onto the arm of a chair and pulled the huge mirror off the mantelpiece and onto his head.
Finally, after a busy day trying to keep up with him and cleaning up after him, I left him and his brother watching children's TV while I went into the kitchen to feed the baby his supper. Peace at last. But when it goes so quiet I get suspicious and yes - I was right to be. They had found the pot of nappy cream and COVERED the sofa, both armchairs, the coffee table, one of the new rugs (the one he hadn't peed on), the TV and each other. From head to toe they were white - it was even in their hair. I tucked them into bed at 6:30 p.m. - because it seemed the only safe thing to do...
This morning, before 9 a.m., Harry got a chair and unlocked the kitchen door and unlocked my study and found the iron. He took it into the sitting room, put it face down on the carpet, plugged it in and then left it.... It's going to be another of those days!
Maeve is a freelance writer and mother to four boys.