DotMoms

From de rigeur to dangerous

By Sarah Rachel Egelman

"Can you believe parents aren't supposed to give their kids cold medicine anymore?" asked the woman scanning my groceries. It was early in the morning and I had my 9-month-old in a carrier strapped to my chest. There was no one behind me in line and so the woman and I had been chatting about teething and other baby concerns.

I have distinct memories of driving around in my parents Volare in the 1970's. My sister and I, unencumbered by seat belts, would be scrambling around the backseat (often, truth be told, mooning the cars behind us) while my mom smoked cigarettes in the front seat. Not the picture of safety by 2008 standards, but not a whole lot different than most families we knew at the time.

So, we are not supposed to give our kids cold medicine anymore; it wasn't something we did a lot around here anyway but it did get me thinking about all the things that are either now out of vogue in parenting or we have come to learn are simply dangerous. Nowadays, kids are firmly strapped in while driving in cars and even parents who smoke often do so only away from their children.

Here are some other examples from now and then:

Bike helmets: When I was a kid it was weird to see someone wearing a helmet to cycle or skate. Now my young daughter reminds her dad every morning, as he prepares to ride his bike to work, to put on his helmet. She has a nice green one she is proud to wear while cycling.

Sleeping on tummies: At least one generation, mine, was put down to sleep as newborns on our tummies. Now we know it is far safer for babies to sleep on their backs.

Early solid foods: In my husband's baby book is a sheet of instructions from his pediatrician. It advised his parents to start solid foods at less than a month old. I have read this sheet several times with disbelief -- how do you get a newborn to ingest solids? It seems like torture for all involved. Now we are told to wait at least five months. Six months seems to be the average but even 10 months isn't unusual.

Walkers: Until the last decade, walkers were a de rigeur baby item. Before babies could walk they were put in walkers and allowed to drag themselves around the house. Most doctors recommend against walkers these days as they can be dangerous and can even delay walking instead of encouraging it.

I can only imagine how strange or even hazardous our parenting methods will someday seem to our grandchildren.

Sarah Rachel Egelman is a community college instructor and freelance book reviewer who lives in New Mexico with her family.

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Our family gameography: Wii love Nintendo!

By Julie

This year for Hanukkah, I asked for a Crimson Nintendo DS so I could play games on my own handheld console. I wanted the DS because I fell in love with Jewel Quest Adventure and wanted to play it without having to borrow Colter's DS. Jewel Quest Adventure wasn't my first DS game -- Previously, I tried Planet Puzzle League because I love the Nintendo 64 game Pokemon Puzzle League, and I tried Pokemon Trozei for the same reason. Neither was as satisfying as Jewel Quest. Once I completed Jewel Quest, I tried 7 Wonders, and Puzzle Quest, but I didn't become obsessed with another DS game until Mah Jong Quest, which I'm playing now. I'm beginning to understand why Colter loves these games -- the instant gratification, the certainty there is a correct answer if only I can figure it out, the satisfaction of trying and trying and trying until I succeed.

Gary and I were talking recently to Colter about the first game he loved, and he thinks it was Pokemon Red. This got us remembering each gaming system we've owned, which inspired our family gameography.

Super Nintendo: Gary bought this when Colter was still in preschool. They played a paint program on it and a basketball game. We got rid of the Super Nintendo in 2002.

Game Boy Advance: We bought this for Colter when he was in first grade so he could play Pokemon Red. He still has it but uses it rarely, and then only as an extra controller for the Wii.

Nintendo 64: For Christmas, when Colter was 6, Santa brought him a Nintendo 64 and left it in our hotel room, the day we moved from North Carolina to Florida. Colter loved playing Kirby on it and, eventually, Pokemon Stadium. Gary and I stayed up late many nights playing Pokemon Puzzle League. We still get it out once in a while.

GameCube: When Colter was 7 years old, a family friend sold him his GameCube for $40. It was a thrill because Colter really admired Robin (and his game-playing skills) and so the GameCube remained very special to him. He played Pokemon Colisseum on it and discovered co-op games like Shrek and The Lord of the Rings. Gary and Colter's Favorite GameCube game is The Hobbit. Once the GameCube broke, we had all the reason we needed to get a Wii.

Game Boy SP: Eventually, Colter wanted a Game Boy SP and he got one. Gary started playing Pokemon Emerald, Sapphire and Ruby on the SP, so we got him his own handheld. Colter sometimes still uses his SP, in fact we just bought him a Duel Masters Game Boy Advance game the other day, and he's playing that on his SP.

DS and DS Lite: These handhelds were irresistible, and we continue to love them. Colter's favorite DS game is Pokemon Pearl.

Wii: What can I say? We waited in the '06 holiday lines, but didn't get a Wii until early in '07. We've been enjoying it ever since. We play Wii Sports the most.

What game systems and games has your family loved over the years? Are you a Nintendo loyalist, a PSPer or an XBox player?

Those moments that matter most

By Amanda

Lately my work life has become so hectic that I find I don't really fully separate from it and concentrate on my children unless we get out of town. So on Thanksgiving we did just that. As a journalist it was my first Thanksgiving off in many years and I decided that cooking was definitely not on the agenda.

The fantasy of spending a weekend with my children in the mountains was too good to resist. Of course, I never considered the reality: the fighting in the car (before we had even left our street), the complaining about why Mommy's Volvo station wagon doesn't have a built in DVD player, and don't even get me started on sharing a hotel room with two kids.

But despite the frustrating moments (my 4-year-old's temper tantrum in the hotel lobby when she hid beneath the Christmas tree almost sending it teetering over), I was able to disconnect and re-connect with being a mother again. 

My main method was to put down the Blackberry, turn off my computer, and let nothing else distract me, like laundry or dirty dishes. When I do make these rare moments to be just a mother, they remind me that there's no place I'd rather be than in those moments.

Dancing with my 4-year-old to goofy big band music in front of hundreds of strangers in the hotel lobby was one of those moments. Cuddling in bed with both of my girls, their faces still soft with sleep, their legs wrapped around me like octopus tentacles, was another one of those moments. Watching them delicately hold baby chicks and squeal with delight at a nearby farm was yet another one of those moments.

At the end of the day, life is made up of moments. Some are more precious than others. I need to find a way to have more of "those moments" and less of the ones that don't really count. That's my resolution for 2008.

Amanda Lamb lives in North Carolina with her husband and two daughters. Her new book, "Smotherhood," was just released.

Cat One, Me Zero

By Julie Kirtz Garrett

I just spent $260 on something I promised myself (and my kids) I never would.

I've worked hard during the last few years selling my children on their mom's righteous no-pet stance. I was not going to follow the other moms in our circle and give in to the heavy-handed family pressure to get a pet. I figured, after three kids, I needed a big long break from poop duty. As a busy mom, the last thing I want is a loyal and constant animal companion who needs to be fed, cleaned and cared for. But here's what happened. We didn't get a pet --- the pet got us.

"Cat" (she still doesn't have an official name but we're close) showed up in the yard. Day by day, she got closer to our house. She slept in the sun on the deck. She started pawing at our glass kitchen door at dinner time. Eventually she show up at breakfast.

My kids were curious. They gave her something to drink. I suggested we put a little food out on the deck. Naturally, it made sense to buy some cat food at the grocery store (just a small bag). We were doomed after that. My daughter put up signs in the neighborhood but no one claimed "Cat." She ultimately wore me down with her cool green eyes.

So, we got her into a carrying case and took her to the vet. The lobby was nicer than our pediatrician's (which is a little creepy). $260 later, she is officially our cat.

I am not a cat person. I haven't had a pet since I was 14. Cats always seem too fussy to me. And honestly, all this pampered pet culture seems way out of whack. "Cat" will never be my baby, just a pet. Thankfully, she's affectionate but not too needy. And my three kids are helping to keep track of her.

In fact, without asking, my son Luke saved me from poop duty and cleaned out the litter box.

Julie Kirtz Garrett is a writer and television reporter. She lives in Washington, D.C., with her husband and three children.

Relearning friendship

By Amber

A couple of years ago, a friend invited me to join her playgroup at Bellview Park. It was a glorious sunny day, the kind you relish as you watch your 1-year-old test out her wobbly legs like a baby bird taking flight.

As the mothers talked freely, the children played. They splashed in the stream, giggled on the train, squealed at the animals in the petting zoo and rolled in the grass. It was one of those times when everything just seemed right.

Until I met Daniel. Actually, it was my sweet daughter Hadley who instigated the introduction. She had wobbled over to a corner of the park about 30 feet away from our perch and had innocently plopped down beside this little boy. He was tow-headed, bespectacled and I will never forget his bottomless smiles. I will also never forget his accompanying oxygen tank.

I struck up a conversation with his mother. Daniel was just a couple months older than Hadley but half her size and severely handicapped. But this child emanated a light like I have never seen as he guilelessly watched the children play around him.

In those brief moments that we spoke, I had such a strong connection with this woman as she longingly looked over at our circle of friends. A voice screamed inside me, "INVITE THEM OVER! She is in desperate need of companionship!"

But I did not.

I had my reasons, albeit superficial ones. After all, I did not know this woman, she did not know me. And besides, it was not even my playgroup; I was already crashing it. How would it appear if I invited a complete stranger over?

That woman has probably long forgotten that day.

I have not.

And I have vowed to keep remembering with each new encounter.

Amber is a former adventure-travel writer turned adventurous unraveling mother to two-year-old Hadley and baby Bode.

Twittering DotMoms Daily

I'm experimenting with the DotMoms Daily over the holidays. I'm going to begin Twittering parenting headlines as they appear, so you can receive them in a more timely way. If you use Twitter, you can follow DotMoms at http://twitter.com/dotmoms. If you don't use Twitter, the headlines will still appear here at DotMoms, on the top right of the page. Let me know whether this satisfies your need for news or whether there's something you prefer about my previous approach to the DotMoms Daily.

'Twas the Lights Before Christmas

By Anjali

Since our first child came into our lives, and since that first child started noticing the other houses in our neighborhood with all their splendid Christmas lights and giant snow globes and blown up characters with cheesy smiles, our home has experienced a post-Thanksgiving tension every December regarding holiday curb appeal.

Last year, things really came to a head. While Brian and I were looking for random stuff at the The Home Depot, Mira and Leela were stomping their feet and angrily shaking their fists in the holiday aisle, protesting the fact that theirs was the only home that didn't look like a circus in the front yard.

It's not that we didn't do anything. I had what I considered four tasteful bows lined along the front porch railing, a smiling Santa wreath, and a small wooden stand sitting on our porch flanked with three plump snowmen. I thought our house looked simply adorable. Our girls thought our home was the epitome of lame.

We held them off by explaining that we'd buy outdoor lights the following Christmas, after moving to a new house. A few more moments of annoying whining passed, but by the time we reached the check-out counter, the girls were satisfied that for the next holiday, they would get their due.

A few days after Thanksgiving this year, we found ourselves back at The Home Depot. Negotiations began amidst a colorful carnival of inflatables, bulbs, blinking Christmas trees, reindeer, chubby towering snowmen and cheeky Santas. At first the girls pleaded for the most enormous, brightest, blinkiest structures around, but we talked them down. We just couldn't find something fun yet tasteful.

And then what to our wondering eyes did appear, but one small but colorfully lit Santa, and a matching snowman, that would fit perfectly on the inside of our front windows! It was a compromise we could all live with. The kids got a little bit of Vegas-style décor, and Brian and I avoided grazing deer with bobbing heads or giant-sized snow globes on our front lawn.  And, we had a happy ending for our Christmas dilemma.

Happy holidays to you all, and I hope your home lights up with peace, love and joy in the coming year.

Anjali lives near Atlanta with her husband and two young girls. She'll be enjoying her holiday lights until the next electricity bill arrives.

DotMoms Daily: The new Toys 'R Us kids, Letters to Santa, and more

Photo: Deutsche Post AG, Kay Herschelmann

In family-related news:
> Study links abortion and preemies (Time)
> Many kids may not outgrow milk allergy (Reuters)
> Santa to get more than 6 million letters (AP/ABC)
> Keeping an eye on Chinese toymakers (CBS)
> Recall recoil prompts 24% to spend less on toys (Zogby)
> Targeting the next generation of Toys 'R' Us kids (ABC)
> Scholastic plans successor to Harry Potter (NYTimes)
> Mom lobbies for tougher Web harassment laws (AP/MSNBC)
> A district where no two schools are alike (NPR)

DotMoms Daily: Pregnancy tipovers, Kids' vaccine recall, and more

Photo: iStock/NPR

In family-related news:
> Chinese are expecting a new baby boom (WashPost)
> Why pregnant women don't tip over (NYTimes)
> Obesity linked to infertility in women (WebMD)
> Caesarean babies risk more breathing problems (Reuters)
> Merck recalls 1.2 million doses of children's vaccines (AP/ABC)
> Poll: Parents still trust cold meds for kids (NPR)
> Fewer kids outgrowing their food allergies (Reuters/MSNBC)
> TV can raise blood pressure in obese children (Reuters)
> Bush vetoes children's health bill a second time (CNN)
> Season's science readings for kids  (MSNBC)
> 'Harry Potter' kids face adult issues in 6th film (MSNBC)
> Teens & retirement: Grim forecast (AP/CBS)