What faith is

I feel like I've been falling.

Sometimes it's a slow fall, and I can almost feel the bungee cord pulling me back up to the bridge that carries me across days filled with pain, disappointment and frustration.

Sometimes it's a fast fall, and all I feel is my rapidly-beating heart, racing out of my body on some flight plan it hasn't filed with my head.

Most times it's somewhere in between, a medium fall that disorients, confuses and confounds me so I lose track of where I am.

I am afraid I will never stop falling. Or maybe I'm afraid of what will happen if I do stop falling. Where will my fall end? Where will I end up?

I'm a veteran of the trust wars. I've battled for years against trusting myself, trusting other people, trusting God. And that's why faith has been my safety net. Faith doesn't require trust. It just requires itself; it requires faith.

Faith that no matter how hard or fast I fall, I will always be caught.

Comments

[Rashi]

Hey Julie, Was surfing the net when I chanced upon this. Very well written.

Loyalty and allegiance are really the constituents of faith. But sometimes when things don't go the way I'd want them to, I have to really choose to continue to have faith. It's in those moments that I want God to give me a proof that he's really looking out for me. :|
Do stop by my blog when you can.

[Lara]

Hi, I ran across your page. I agree with your post- it takes a lot of courage and faith just to have faith. It's always worth the effort though.. and I just have to keep telling myself that God knows better than I. Hope you're doing well! Nice blog!

[Chel]

Hi, Julie. Just checking in on you... wanted to see how you're doing.

I'm going to be in Bartow on Saturday at a craft fair if that's anywhere near you. :)

[angel]

hang in there julie- faith can move mountains!

[Elizabeth]

This really resonated with me.

The trust wars suck.

I am happy your faith is there.

[Chel]

I've been a Christian for most of my life, so faith and belief in God are natural parts of my life. But as I get older and the trials I experience are greater, I find that faith in God is a choice I have to make every single day. Faith is the one thing that has guided me through many of the traumas of the past few years. May your faith be stronger as your body grows stronger. (And for the record, I don't think that being really annoyed with the way life is going at any given point is a lack of faith. I think it's faith within real life.)

[kelly]

I struggle with faith. I find it's something I have to choose in any given moment, that it's not just there, open to me the way I expect it to be. One would think that I'd stop expecting, but no. Maybe I have faith after all?

I hope yours continues to catch you as you fall.

[rachel]

I am so glad that your faith can help you through this time. I envy you that.

[Kristi]

Faith is an unquestioning belief that doesn't require proof. Obviously, there are times when we NEED proof but I think that's the test.

It seems unfair at times that our faith is constantly tested but we aren't supposed to reciprocate. Maybe I'm talking in circles, I don't know.

I guess what I'm trying to say is ... I dunno. Its a scary thing to live but the altenative stinks.