Virtual Rants

PB & J BBQ Sauce

That's right, peanut butter and jelly barbeque sauce. It's a sweet, tangy and easy version of a Tai peanut sauce.

1 Tbs. Peanut butter.
1 Tbs. Raspberry jelly (or the flavor of your choice.)
1 Tbs. Ketchup.
1 Tbs. Worcestershire sauce.

Mix all ingredients together in a microwave safe bowl. Cover loosely and heat on high for 10 to 15 seconds at a time, stirring between heatings until fairly well mixed.

Okay, that's the basic sauce. Now add to your taste. Garlic and hot peppers, olive oil and lemon juice, even coconut milk and curry powder.

This sauce is a finishing sauce, if you heat it for too long it will burn.
You can use it as a marinade, but you will need to wipe it off before grilling.
Later, finish by brushing sauce liberally on your grilled item(s), and grill on each side until sauce begins to bubble. Be sure to use fresh sauce to finish, never use what you used for the marinade.

What is your favorite BBQ sauce?

A Conversation With a Child

So, why didn't you like the park yesterday?

There weren't many kids.

There were a lot of kids.

Yeah, but they were black.

What? First of all, most of them weren't black, but even if they were, why should that matter?

They're different.

Yeah, they have different color skin, but so do you and I and Mommy right now has very dark skin with her tan. Besides, you have a special obligation not to treat anyone differently even if they are different. People treated Jews differently for thousands of years, and they killed Jews just because they were different. Over in Saudi Arabia there are people who are being killed just because they're Americans. Does that sound right?

No!

And what about your soccer coach and his sons, Jalanni and Justin? And your basket ball coach, Miss Teresa? What about Matt, Matt is black and you like him, don't you?

Yeah, that's because he is nice to me.

Well, he couldn't have been nice to you unless you gave him a chance. If you prejudge someone just 'cause they are different, that’s prejudice. And that is not the way that we are raising you. I don't care if the person is black, or in a wheelchair, or if they speak differently, you have to give them a chance. What if mommy didn't give me a chance just because I'm not Jewish? Then you wouldn't even be here. Do you understand?

Yes daddy, I understand…Do you know what me and Rueben are going to do as soon as camp is over?

Do you know what… Rueben and I …are going to do as soon as camp is over.

This was based on a real conversation that Colter and I had while driving to camp one morning. It certainly is not verbatim, but it does represent the gist of our talk.

In this conversation, Colter was candid. He didn't know that he was supposed to speak politically correctly, and because of that we were able to have an honest conversation. We were frank and sincere, the way that good friends are.

How do you teach tolerance?

First Entry

It was suggested by Philip that I post each of my 50 goals as I reached them and crossed them off my list. He then went on to challenge me to start "now" on the pursuit of one of my goals: #5) Write a cookbook. Here is my first entry into that book.

Pancetta Sauce
This salty and slightly smoky sauce is perfect over breaded veal chops, skinless chicken breasts or seared sea scallops.
Makes 6 liberal servings.

1 ½ ozs. pancetta about 3 slices.
2 tsp. olive oil.
½ cup celery, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 cups chicken broth
2 tsp. corn starch
½ cup of cold water
6 kalamata olives finely chopped
1 tbs. cappers

In a heavy saucepan,
Fry pancetta over medium heat, chop into ½ inch pieces and set aside.
Add olive oil and celery to saucepan and sauté about 3 mins. or until tender.
Add garlic to celery sauté about 3 more mins.
Add chicken broth and reduce heat to low. Simmer for about 5 minutes. Pour broth mixture into blender and puree.
Return liquid to saucepan. Bring back to a simmer.

In a small bowl, add corn starch, then add cold water, a little at a time, mixing until all water is used.
Just before serving, add cornstarch mixture, stir until thickened.
Add olives and cappers, and gently stir.

50 by 50 / part 3 of 3

Julie will turn forty in about a year, and she can see the darkness at the end of the tunnel, (she has already had a mid-life crisis.) As a result she decided to write: "Forty Things I Want To Do Before I Turn Forty."

Then she suggested that I write: "50 Things I Want to Do Before I Turn 50." (Due date isn't for three more years.) But here it is:

50 by 50
(or what I want to do before I grow old, haggard and useless)

34) Have that, "ahhhhhh…VACATION" feeling without worrying about the bill.
35) Have a snowball fight and go sleigh riding with my wife and son, then come inside to hot chicken soup or cocoa by the fire.
36) Organize my pantry, my filing cabinet, or my medicine chest.
37) Laugh more. Like I used to.
38) I'd love to publish one of my children's stories, a very specific one, mostly so I could see the illustrations on paper.
39) Lurn to spell. If they're is won thing that ide love too do be four turning fif tee its is learn two spell "better;" You no wat i meen?
40) Paint an oil painting. Not an 8 x 10... But a really, really big one.
41) Have a steady gig (not a full-time or strenuous job or anything like that… just a good part-time salaried position where they pay me to sit around and be witty).
42) Just once, I'd love to take an axe to my computer, after it loses my file because of something I did (of course the demolished machine would instantly be replaced by a faster and more considerate computer).
43) Win the lottery, or at least the ring toss game at the county fair.
44) Catch a shark that attacked a swimmer. Then cook that shark and serve it to the swimmer… with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
45) Sleep till ten.
46) Have one conversation in which I wasn't interrupted by: "Daddy can I ____?"
47) I'd like to finish this list before I turn 50.
48) Tip a waitress fifty dollars for a ten dollar lunch. Ahhh, make it a hundred.
49) Donate my ponytail to Locks of Love.
50) Enjoy all that I have and fully appreciate, for every minute of the entire day, just how lucky I am… and let all the small things go.

What would you like to do before your next big one?

50 by 50 / part 2 of 3

Julie will turn forty in about a year, and she can see the darkness at the end of the tunnel, (she has already had a mid-life crisis.) As a result she decided to write: "Forty Things I Want To Do Before I Turn Forty."

Then she suggested that I write: "50 Things I Want to Do Before I Turn 50." (Due date isn't for three more years.)

But here it is:

50 by 50
(or what I want to do before I grow old, haggard and useless)

18) Visit all 50 states, plus the District of Columbia, Guam, Puerto Rico and the United States Virgin Islands.
19) Taste a beer brewed in each of the 50 states plus; the District of Columbia, Guam, Puerto Rico and the United States Virgin Islands, just in case #18 doesn't happen.
20) Get away with something. Feel guilty. Confess. And be praised for my honesty.
21) From a dark, moonless beach on Ocracoke Island, watch the Perseids meteor shower one more time, and take lots of pictures.
22) Gamble big in Los Vegas without fear of loosing. Or at least, win a Big Mac in McDonald's Monopoly.
23) I'd like to know that my son enjoys doing at least one thing with me, as much as I enjoyed fishing with my Dad. (I want to know that I'm building good memories.) I should take lots of pictures.
24) Re-acquaint myself with photography. (Maybe this should come first.)
25) Find a really nice fossil… (preferably not human.)
26) Buy my wife the huge emerald engagement ring that she deserves, to replace the one that I found in the gumball machine.
27) Go kayaking one more time … and come back alive.
28) Get in better shape, like I was when I was 18 … or, at least, watch more sports on TV, like I did when I was 18.
29) Own a house … OK, own a mortgage.
30) For once, I'd like to be completely done with the laundry, at least for a day.
31) Win a really big hand of poker, and buy a round for the house.
32) Spend a month somewhere that serves drinks (you know, the ones with little umbrellas) by the pool.
33) Get completely debt free … except the mortgage in #29.

Burn on

We could not attend service at temple to honor the anniversary of my father-in-law's death, but we did light a yahrzeit candle to commemorate his life. The candle should burn for at least 24 hours. But this candle ... his candle burns on ... into the next day ... long into the night. And that is how some people's lives are. That is how his life is. Burning on long after the body is gone. His daughter is living proof that he was a good man. And while he was a man of few words and at times I had trouble communicating with him, I have no doubt that he loved his daughter, that he loved his grandson, and that he loved me ... I am part of the family. I married Julie, but HE made me part of the family. And for that, his light burns on with me. Thank you, Sam, I loved you, too.

50 by 50 / part 1 of 3

Julie will turn forty in about a year, and she can see the darkness at the end of the tunnel, (she has already had a mid-life crisis.) As a result she decided to write:
"Forty Things I Want To Do Before I Turn Forty."

Then she suggested that I write: "50 Things I Want to Do Before I Turn 50." (Due date isn't for three more years.)

But here it is:

50 by 50
(or what I want to do before I grow old, haggard and useless)

1) Visit Wine Country ... not just the wine aisle at my local "Sav-A-Bunch."
2) Discover something. And, I don't mean that fuzzy green thing behind the milk.
3) Go backpacking in the snow one last time ... and come back alive.
4) Chase a tornado ... and come back alive.
5) Write a cookbook.
6) Learn to cook more exotic foods. (Maybe this should come first.)
7) Make a difference in someone's life (other than my family's).
8) Get a thousand page views and two hundred comments in one day.
9) Have a secretary read the comments to me before I dictate my replies.
10) Visit with my Rye High School buddies. (I think?)
11) Have an honest conversation with a salesman ... or, have an honest conversation with someone who knows a salesman.
12) Fly a plane. Not fly in a plane, I do that too often ... steer a little prop plane, cut the engines and glide.
13) Learn to sky dive. (Maybe this should come first.)
14) Run for public office ... not run from an officer.
15) See my son graduate from Harvard. The fact that he is only eight while I am forty-six is no excuse. Ok, I'd like to see him graduate from elementary school.
16) Get my nose pierced ... Just kidding. But I would like to be able to look at facial piercings without wincing.
17) Uh ... This one I can't even whisper to my wife in the dark.

Thoroughly Modern Stressors

I received this e-mail from Julie:

this is a note ... I thought you'd appreciate and maybe want to blog about :)

Subject: is this why we have ADD?

"Most of human evolution took place before the advent of agriculture when men lived in small groups, on a face-to-face basis. As a result human biology has evolved as an adaptive mechanism to conditions that have largely ceased to exist. Man evolved to feel strongly about few people, short distances, and relatively brief intervals of time; and these are still the dimensions of life that are important to him."

S.L. Washburn

This was my response:

I don't know if that is why some of us have ADD or not. I do believe that man has evolved to thrive under stress in short bursts, like the stress of climbing a mountain, or wrestling a buffalo. I do not believe that man was meant to endure sustained stress like: working in a company that is slowly going under, while he trains his foreign replacement, as he tries to refinance his house, and get braces for one child while her brother has just one year before college and three tickets on his driving record. Oh, did I mention that his mother is about come live with him.

What stress do you attribute to the modern world?

Dog Fights

"One dog clearly stood out ... Nathan's skinless beef franks." These words from a recent newspaper article about hot dogs got me thinking.

I agreed with the panel of tasters, Nathan's is one of my favorite brands of hot dog. But how can you choose just one? The hot dog is a complex culinary delight with three variables that influence the flavor as much or more than the ingredients in the "dog."

The variables are: the choice of condiments used to enhance the hot dog, the manner in which the hot dog is heated, (roller grilled, grilled over charcoal, or boiled) and where the hot dog is eaten.

A Sabrett hot dog steeped in water for hours and served up by a pushcart vendor in Mid-Town Manhattan with onions in sauce and spicy brown mustard is, in my opinion, heaven. But I could just as easily go for a Vienna Beef Frank served Chicago style straight out of the Vienna store. Then again, even an Oscar Meyer wiener tastes great after a few beers, when its charred black in the back yard. And during the fifth inning of an important ball game, I couldn't even imagine eating a "dog" anywhere else, no matter what kind it is ... with just one squiggly line of mustard.

The modest hot dog is raised to the stature of haute cuisine by rivals promoting their regional incarnations. Chicago style, or New York's finest, served "all the way," it's a bitter debate, reminiscent of the pizza wars between those two great cities. New York style thin crust or Chicago's famous deep dish? A few might argue for California nuevo pizza, but we all know that a California pie makes a mockery of all that pizza lovers hold sacred.

In fact the regional differences in all kinds of food from chili to flapjacks, from fried chicken to clam chowder, inspire the kind of rabid loyalty that few marriages are blessed to enjoy. (I spent 25 years in North Carolina, so don't even get me started on Barbecue.)

For those of you that found this article via a Google search, you can stop reading. There are no pit bulls on this site.

Describe your winning dog.

Lizards: Daring or Disturbed?

Once upon a time, I was hit in the face by a 30 mph lizard. I know that may seem hard to believe, and in fact, it is not entirely true. But that's how it felt, and it is a delightful opening line.

In my apartment complex there are little lizards everywhere you look, in the grass, on the buildings, under bushes, and on the sidewalks, everywhere. Drawn by the year-round warmth, they flock to the Florida sun like snow-birds, but these cunning reptiles stay all year long.

At first I was fascinated by them. I would watch as they scurried from here to there, as they bounced their heads up and down, as they extended a membrane near their throat in some sort of mating dance, or struck a "don't mess with me" fighting pose. After a while I became annoyed at how they always ran in front of me on my way to the pool. Then one day the inevitable happened. I stepped on one. I felt remorseful as I reverently bent to lift its lifeless lizard body off of the sidewalk and place it gently in the bushes that it loved so much.

Okay, I felt bad as I brushed it aside with my sandal. But not as bad as I would have felt, had I been barefoot.

Then it hit me, literally. I was driving with my window open when a lizard that I hadn't seen flew off the rearview mirror and landed on my chest. I nearly wrecked the car. Instinctively I brushed it off. And there it sat, on the driver's seat, next to my leg, looking up at me with its big lizard eyes as if to question my motives for driving off before it could find safe refuge. When I got to the stoplight, I opened the car door and politely asked it to leave.

Well, I pushed it out into oncoming traffic with a rolled-up newspaper, but the details aren't important.

Then it hit me, figuratively: These are suicidal lizards.

Missing the natural apprehension of approaching winters, robbed of the angst of the Buffalo blizzards, or the biting winds of Chicago, these Floridian lizards seek to fill their anxiety gap by any means possible. Even suicide games -- much like the jackrabbits in Hunter S. Thompson's "Fear and Loathing on The Campaign Trail."

The inspired lizard that leaps from a speeding car is the exception to the rule. Most of these thrill-seeking lizards choose the more pedestrian path, also known as a sidewalk.

It doesn't matter to the lizards if it's a herd of barefoot toddlers, or a 230 lb. klutz in size 13 waffle-stompers, they lie in wait for unsuspecting humans to stroll by. Then at the last possible moment, they race across the sidewalk as quickly as their little lizard legs will carry them.

The sidewalks are littered with the remains of lizard games gone awry.

And then there are the lucky ones. The incomplete lizards. The ones missing tails. The tails will grow back, but I wonder about their lust for the game. Will these half-tails race again? Will they dart out early so there is no real danger? Or will they risk it all to fulfill their longing for some excitement in their cold-blooded existence?

What gets your heart pumping?