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December 29, 2003



I grew up in a single parent family because my father died. I never knew what it was like to have two parents so I always had a semi subconscious jealousy toward those friends of mine who did have two parents.

because of that I have difficulty bonding with other men, as an adult, but that's a cross I'm aware of and try to deal with as best I can. We all have neuroses that we inherited (Phillip Larkin expressed the notion really well) and we all, as adults, have an obligation to face and overcome, or at least endure those neuroses.

I don't know how to be a father, I have no frame of reference, but I try to love my noisy brood as much, as heavily and as often as I can. I know they will have issues with me when they are grown, I just hope that I can encourage them to be sufficiently open to try to understand my fallibilities and to forgive me.

As a husband I am petulant, immature and selfish but, again, I try to love as passionately as I can.

What am I first? I am the caretaker of my children's future and that is my main responsibility and desire.

Mindy, I have a wee lump in my throat.


That is one of the most touching and well expressed pieces I have read on the web in a while.

Just had to say that.

(And I'm on e-holiday.)


I have often felt that I'm a mother first and wife second. Gary feels that he's a husband first and father second. I guess it works for us because we both know where we stand and because Colter is flourishing.

I very much had the same experience with my father hating any reminders (in mood, looks, etc.) of my mother after their divorce. It definitely limited the way I allowed my identity to grow and the way I perceived myself.


Wow! What an exceptional and thought provoking post. I'm definetely going to have to read this twice. And, coming also from a broken family... I couldn't agree with you MORE!

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