DotMoms

We're just not ready

by Kelly

A conversation with 11-year-old Tyler in the car on the way home from karate practice last night:

Ty: Hey Mom?

Me: Yeah?

Ty: I've been feeling not too sure about my relationship with Dee lately.

Me: (trying so hard not to crack a smile or snort or drive off the road) Come again?

Ty: Dee. My girlfriend? I'm not so sure she's the girl for me.

Me: Really? Does she know this?

Ty: Yeah. I dumped her today.

Me: And how did you dump her? You were kind, I hope.

Ty: Yeah, of course! I like her, I just don't think I'm ready for this whole girl thing yet. I just want to be a kid for a little longer. I'm going to be 13 soon and my friends told me it's all over after that. I won't get to be a kid ever again.

Me: Well, that sounds pretty wise Tyler. It's good that you know how you feel and can stand up for it. What did you say to her?

Ty: I said that. I'm not sure she's the girl for me and I'm not ready for all this girl stuff yet. (implied: duh Mom, that's what I just told you!)

Me: How did she react?

Ty: She said okay.

Me: Did you tell her you'd like to be her friend?

Ty: No. I don't have to say that. She already knows I'm her friend.

Me: So, while she was your girlfriend, what did you two do?

Ty: Nothing. Mostly she'd pass me notes in class or we'd talk about music and she'd tell her friends that I was her boyfriend.

Me: That's it, huh?

Ty: Yeah. What else is there?

I honestly don't know why I think he needs my help.

Inheriting the curse

by Nancy

A couple of weeks ago, my daughter was doing something, had some trouble and said, "Jesus." So I explain, some people would find that offensive ... etc. She tries to do the same thing again. This time, she says, "Jeez." So I explain, sorry that's a short form of the same thing. "Where did you get that expression from anyway?" I ask. She tells me that she got it from me. I deny that right away, "Maybe from your father."

Until, of course, the next time we're driving. Well, I'm driving. She's listening for the cursing. I'm in the right lane, and a lady in the left turn lane goes straight, then beeps at me as if I cut her off. I say, "Jeez." Lily says, "MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I apologize. She suggests I say, "Oh, man" instead.

It turns out I curse a lot when I drive. Lily, on the other hand, has never said either word again. I tell her that every time she makes me aware of it, I am a step closer to breaking my habit. She's happy to help.

Gifted anxiety

by Nancy

We have friends who have sweated getting their son into a Manhattan private school in a year in which there were too many boys applying. So, our academic anxiety seemed to pale in comparison. We have a daughter who just started 2nd grade at a new school in a great suburban district. Our anxiety was about her making friends and feeling comfortable, not about academics. All we cared about was that she liked school.

Okay, so maybe we were hoping that at some time during the 2nd grade year she would be evaluated for the gifted program, which didn't start until 3rd grade at her old school. In fact, a conversation had been had with the new principal at enrollment time in which he made it sound like a big bureaucratic process that would take forever and had to start with me writing a letter to him. Since she tends to take a long time to warm up to a new situation, I decided then that December would be a good time to write the letter, if everything was going well then.

So, in September when the teacher offhandedly suggested gifted testing at back-to-school night, I was still focused on, "Who did you eat lunch with? Who did you play with on the playground?" Then came a phone call. My 7-year-old had mediated a disagreement between a group of boys, and she explained the function of chlorophyll to the class.

"She should be tested immediately," said the teacher. "I can't imagine she won't get in." The permission slip came home, and I signed it without giving a second thought to the girl who takes a long time to warm up and my plan to wait until December. Pride took over. I ignored my instincts.

So, when there was another phone call after the first day of testing, I was jolted back to reality. The teacher didn't know how she did, but the test administrator said she didn't elaborate enough on her answers. Day two of testing was puzzles, there would be nothing to elaborate about.

"She's shy," someone said. "Should have waited until December," I said. "Private testing," they said. "It doesn't matter," I told myself. Private testing seemed hypocritical, if of course it really didn't matter.

During the week between testing and results, she seemed not to care about the outcome. "It doesn't matter," I told her. "I know," she said.

In the end, she got the necessary IQ score, despite the short answers. Her reaction was a huge smile and a call to her grandmothers. Now we're waiting on a psychological evaluation before she's officially in the program. "The least of her challenges," my husband said. Let's hope he's right.

Who are your role models?

by Julie

I was on a field trip yesterday with Colter, my 7-year-old son, and the performer (Celloman) asked the kids what a role model is. Colter looked over at me. I asked him later what he was thinking when he looked at me, and he said, "I was thinking that you're my role model." It made me feel so good... and scared. It also made me wonder, who are my role models as a parent? Who are yours?

The scariest 5 minutes at the State Fair

by Amanda

I had a scary experience the other day that I wanted to share. I lost my 3 1/2-year-old daughter at the State Fair. She was pushed into the crowd (of 97,000 people) and simply got lost. She was only gone for about 5 minutes before another parent found her, but it was the longest 5 minutes of my life. Another mother suggested to me that I write a note or put a sticker on my child with her name, my name and my cell phone number when we are in a big crowd. The next time I will do this!

Keeping memories alive

by Cristen

I just tucked my 8-year-old son into bed and we spent a long time remembering my dad, who died 2 years ago (the anniversary of his death was last week). I don't have many memories of my mom and I talking about my grandparents who had passed away and I love that my son wants to keep those special memories alive and with him.

Who we are

by Julie

Mothers have always blogged; we just do it verbally. And we've blogged as a group; we just call it conversation. This weblog is a tool for taking us high-tech. DotMoms is a place for us to share our lives, who we are and who we want to be, how we parent and how we wish we could. It's the Internet as consciousness-raising coffee klatsch. Drink up.

DotMomafesto

More Americans are reading and creating weblogs than ever before. The latest figures from the Pew Internet and American Life project show that about 11 million American adults have created weblogs and about 32 million Americans read them.

With about 40 mothers who contribute regularly, DotMoms is a group weblog that covers life on the homefront from many perspectives. Contributors live across the United States and around the world, in Canada, Thailand, Germany and elsewhere. While each has her own unique viewpoint, together we paint a picture of parenting that reflects a wide range of experiences.

Moms have written about experiences as life-changing as giving birth and surviving Hurricane Katrina and as routine as the first day of school or a morning at the grocery store. We are single mothers, divorced mothers, empty nesters, stay-at-home moms, working moms. We are passionate and exhausted, committed and conflicted, in love with our lives and yet sometimes despairing. We are the face of motherhood.

I receive about 15-20 requests per month from writers who would like to join DotMoms. Each potential contributor is required to submit a bio and sample post so that I can assess what her voice and style would add to the conversation. I seek geographic, demographic and other kinds of diversity, as well as women who want to grow as writers and as parents. If the fit is right, she is invited to write for the blog with monthly deadlines and other requirements. I edit each post for spelling, grammar, style and approach, and I try to provide each writer with feedback. There are no topics that are off-limits, however we stick to personal narratives -- capturing a slice of life -- without judgment. It is a family-friendly blog.

Perhaps that is one of the reasons our readers are so loyal. They visit regularly, share their comments, and send notes to tell us how much they appreciate knowing they're not alone.

DotMoms has received much media coverage. It was picked as one of Time magazine's coolest websites, noted on Forbes' Best of the Web, and featured in magazines from Parenting to Family Circle.

DotMoms is always growing. There are new posts per day, and the list of links to mom blogs is at almost 700, with constant requests from others who want to be added. We introduce new features regularly and benefit from the creativity and passion the contributors bring to the group as bloggers, writers, editors, mothers, daughters, wives and sisters.

Blogs are changing parenting and we're proud to be part of a transformation that is helping mothers, fathers and children everywhere benefit from what's ahead.

If you have any suggestions for DotMoms, let me know.

Julie Moos
Founder and Editor, DotMoms