My husband doesn't stand behind me anymore

By Emily

I mean this literally.

On a message board that I frequent, the question "What is something that your husband did when you were dating that he no longer does?" was posed. The answers varied from being taken to favorite resturants to old hobbies. My own answer is he's not as attentive as he used to be.

But later, this question kept coming back to me. I knew I had only skimed the surface with my answer.

I know as well as every parent out there that the rules and dynamics of your relationship change once children enter it. But knowing that doesn't make the loss of the old relationship any easier. Nothing can replace those lazy Sundays lingering in bed, making love before breakfast, or a dinner that includes candlelight and wine with the noticeable absence of macaroni and cheese.

However, the thing I miss most is Randy standing behind me. He would wrap his arms around me, lean down and kiss my cheek. And in that moment, I knew I was loved and there was nowhere else he would rather be than with me. Just a simple touch.

It's a small thing I know, but some of the best things are.

Comments

[christian louboutin]

You're a braver woman than I it was weeks before I could even begin to think about looking at the incisions from my lap. Even now I don't like to touch them. They're...squishy.

[Alissa]

My husband has been great through this first pregnancy. I'm more worried about my sister-in-law. She just walked out on her husband and child. I know her husband is hard to live with, but I can't imagine why she would leave to go stay with a friend and not take her baby with her.

I don't feel like I'm the right person to talk to her (because I am a sister-in-law) and I do not live by her.

Any advice?

[Barb]

Came across this site and this particular posting really hit home. I am contemplating leaving my husband and I am currently in the last 2 weeks of pregnancy with Baby #3 ... you're probably all thinking what a horrible person! Here's the thing - we have twins (23 months) - in the year after they were born he made love to me three times - one of those times I got pregnant with #3. Pre-children it was 5-6 times a week. I gained 58lbs with the twins - lost all but 6lbs within the year - have only gained 21lbs in this pregnancy.

He doesn't look at me, touch me, talk to me (unless he wants something) and treats me like pregnancy is some kind of disease. In two years he has made love to me a total of 4 times. He told me he hates it when I touch him ... He used to be wonderful - always surprising me, always doing little things like nicknames and just making me feel like I was the only person in a room ... now he would never notice if I was even in the room or had left. It has been an EXTREME change! I am only 30 and according to a lot of men am considered attractive ... I feel so trapped and so sad ... HELP!

[Liz]

I agree...after four children, my husband and I have learned to be creative when it comes to intimacy. I do know this - after almost 14 years of marriage and said four children, our brain cells are pretty much burned out. He is very attentive - whenever I remind him to be :o)

[Sandie]

Hmm. My husband still calls me nicknames, cooks and rubs my feet. But I do miss the makeout sessions. We never have those any more. Cosleeping with a toddler leaves little time or space for "making out."

[Amytart]

I'm going through a pretty rough spot right now...and reading this just dug it a bit deeper. I wish my communication skills were a BIT stronger....:) thanks ladies!

[Julie]

Tell him.

[Kelly]

oof. me too.

[Helene]

A good one! I also miss holding hands and his cooking.

[Mindy]

Oooooohhhhh, I miss that too. Another thing I miss is the nicknames. I'm working on a post about that...