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January 20, 2004



Unfortunately I don't think mothers every truly sleep again... We always have one eye open. But I remember the time (just a few months ago) when I looked at my bed with disdain, as not a place of joy and comfort, but as a place of restlessness where I could never find peace again. It ebbs and flows!


Life, eh? A difficult area this and one very likely to produce marital strife. Do men overvalue sex? Do women overemphasise the new role as mother?
Well yes.

It would be easier to reeducate the men. Sex is not the only good end in life. Or ladies, marry a much older man. He'll like sleep too.


When Harry Met Sally immediately comes to mind, and sums it up well.

Sally: When Joe and I started seeing each other we wanted exactly the same thing. We wanted to live together but we didn't want to get married because every time anyone we knew got married it ruined their relationship, they practically never had sex again. It's true. It's one of those secrets that no one ever tells you. I would sit around with my girlfriends who have kids... actually this my girlfriend who has kids, Alice, and she and Garry never did it anymore. She didn't even complain about it now that I think about it. She just said it matter-of-fact-ly. She said, they were up all night, they were both exhausted all the time, the kids just took every sexual impulse they had out of them. (Pauses) Joe and I use to talk about it and we'd say, we are so lucky we have this wonderful relationship, we can have sex on the kitchen floor and not worry about the kids walking in, we can fly off
to Rome on a moment's notice. (Long story omitted ...) And I went home and I said, "The thing is Joe we never fly off to Rome on a moment's notice.

Harry: And the kitchen floor ...

Sally: Not once, it's this cold, hard Mexican ceramic tile.

Cliche to quote a movie and all, but it's true. Everything changes. Emma's nearly 3, and it's not like she's waking us every two hours or everything ... but her room is right next door. And there's no lounging in bed on a Sunday morning or raking everything off the dining room table. You will find a balance that works for you.

I -- like lots of moms I know -- went through an "I'm Emma's mommmy!" phase. Like I shouldn't even have sex anymore, because would Emma's mommy do that? My whole role changed, from woman and wife to mom. Thankfully, I've found a place where I can be all three. But not as often as I used to ...

Marcia Lynx Qualey

Oh...there's something wrong with hiding behind your baby to avoid sex?

OK, OK, I know I'm supposed to work at keeping the relationship fresh. I'm supposed to work at keeping the relationship fresh. I'm supposed to work at keeping the relationship fresh.

Maybe if I wrote it 1,000 times?


Listen to me. The Serengeti's not a desert! WHO needs sleep?!?


Sleep is definitely good for your sex life. That and our good friend the personal lubricant. I understand that you stop feeling like the Serengeti Desert once the baby's weaned. (Nicely written and humorous post, by the way!)


umm...yes and no.encouraging huh?She will start sleeping more,but your sleep has forever changed!You will sleep lighter and hear every peep.It's just part of it.

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