48 Step program

By Susan

A letter came home a couple of months ago from Teddy's teacher announcing that he is officially off of the 48 Step Sticker Program. He was admitted into the program due to unseemly, nay, down right bad, behavior at school. His behavior had improved so much that he no longer needed the sticker chart sent home every day. The funny thing is -- he misses it.

He wants his sticker chart back. Every once in a while he will ask to have it back. I think he became addicted to the "Great Job!" and "Yay, Teddy!" comments that resulted from a week of stars and hearts and bunnies and teddy bears and smiley faces.

I was not surprised when my son had behavior problems at school after starting Pre-K. We went through the same thing when my daughter started kindergarten (having not gone to Pre-K). I wish that her school (different from their current school) would have implemented a sticker program, or any method of communicating her bad behavior.

They did not tell me a single thing about her bad behavior until it grew so bad that they called me in to meet the principal. This had been going on for THREE MONTHS before anything was said to me. At first I felt bad about her behavior. She was disrupting class, disobeying her teachers, fighting with other children and anything and everything else she could think of to make life miserable for her teachers and fellow students.

As the teacher proceeded to read me a 3-page laundry list of her misdeeds I grew more and more angry. I was not, however, angry at my daughter. Oh, I admit to a little bit of anger at her but most of my anger soon became directed at the school.

The principal finished reading her list. I'm sure she was surprised that my reaction was not, "Oh, I'm so sorry my daughter is acting this way. I will do everything to make it better for you." Instead I responded with, "Wait a minute. You mean to tell me that this has been going on for 3 MONTHS and this is the first time you are telling me? How do you expect me to correct the behavior if you don't tell me about it?"

She was literally shocked and actually stuttered. I was so furious that there was absolutely no effort on their part to get me involved earlier. They allowed her to continue to behave this way whilst I thought things were wonderful. She was getting great grades (100% on pretty much everything). She was participating in school activities and had a few close, nice friends.

Erin did get a punishment at home for her most recent incidents. I felt it was unfair to punish her for everything that had happened over the past three months. She also got her first bona fide LECTURE. I think this, more than the punishment, is what set her straight.

Within two weeks of my getting involved her behavior greatly improved. I met with the principal a month later and there had been only one minor behavior incident. I also met with three of her teachers, all of whom said they were amazed at her transformation and she was now a pleasure to have in class.

To this day I am still baffled by the way the school handled this. The great thing about the kids' current school is that they have a "Communication Folder" that is sent home every day where teachers and parents can communicate about issues big and small.

How does your child's school handle behavior issues?

Comments

[Robin]

Don't start me on Lillianna's school...I would need days to tell you all about that!!
Lillianna is in a kindergarten class of 25, with ONE teacher and no aides!!!! The majority of the class is disruptive and Mrs T spends most days just getting the kids to sit and be quiet for whatever she is teaching. Lil and one other girl can read at least at a 3rd grade level. She is mostly bored in this class so thank god it's almost over. A meeting with the principal in December did nothing about getting some individual attention so that my child might learn and not be so darn bored. Mrs T told me at my first conference that Lillianna knows more than enough to be promoted so she wouldn't learn anything new this year. I am basically sending her to socialize!
On the plus side we do have a folder that goes in her back pack every day and if I have something to say I put it in the folder. It seems to work.

That sucks that you didn't know anything for 3 months. What a stupid teacher!!!!!!

[terrilynn]

Liam has been in his same half-day preschool since he was two-and-a-half, and I am there twice a day for drop-off and pick-up. If there is a problem, one of the teachers will let me know then, and of course I have walked in more than once to find him in the time-out chair!

I've been generally very satisfied with this preschool, and am a bit anxious about starting over when he starts kindergarten in July.

[Susan]

Mary -

Your situation sounds so much like what happened with my daughter. They didn't want to go out of their way to try to help the situation. I wanted the same thing - daily progress (with check-minus, check, check-plus - nothing long and involved). They didn't want to do it.

Erin is very bright, too. The principal even said to me, "She is so bright and the bright ones are more difficult to manage." Yet they would do nothing to help me help them.

Part of the problem was boredom - every assignment she brought home was completely done and there were doodles all over the margins and the back of the paper. She always finished early and had to wait for the rest of the class. Boredom wasn't the only issue - she was smart enough to know that if she fought hard enough she'd get her way. Why not? Mom would never find out!

So frustrating. I hope your son's school will work better with you.

I totally sympathize.

[Mary]

I've had some similar experiences. My son, who really is a smart kid (he's part of our district's gifted students program) also has some control issues - talking and being disruptive, not finishing his classwork because he's too busy goofing around, etc. It was a slight problem in kindergarten, a little more so in 1st, and a full blown issue in second. We've explored the theory that it is because he is bored, but even so, I'm not wild about the apathy the teacher has shown about it. Even though he is smart, his behavior has started to affect his academic grades - and that's when I start to get annoyed.

Example - one of the few notes I have gotten home from her was that P. had been wandering around the class at inappropriate times. Her solution: put him in the back row, so he could wander without being as disruptive to the class.

No, no, NO! Don't enable him! Please! I realize it's difficult, and he's at an age where he needs to start to take responsibility for his own actions - but if that's not working, then we need to move on to step 2. At any age, if there is not a consequence to bad behavior, then of course the behavior will continue!

After a recent report card, we found out his behavior has seriously gone downhill since our last parent/teacher conference. No indication of this has been shown by my son (of course!) or from any communication from the teacher. From stopping in his class earlier this week, I found his seat had been separated from the group - never a good sign. After grilling my son, he admitted he had been separated more than a week ago. Again - hello? I know you are busy, Mrs. Teacher, but if he is being that disruptive, the 30 seconds it would have taken you to scribble a note to me seems like a good time investment!

I am particularly frustrated because I want to help both of them, but without information I can help no one. I've asked for a communication book again (something we did in first grade - very simple - each day either had a happy face, a straight face, or a sad face). I'm not asking for huge missives each day - just some indication of progress or transgressions. I don't know - is that unreasonable? I would think she would want some help from home!!

[Jo]

I can't speak from a mom's perspective yet, but I can from a 6th grade teacher's. The school where I taught did NOT handle discipline well. Their system was ineffective - (basically relied on a slip of paper which would be given to the kid and a consequence ensued). I, on the other hand, DID call all my students' parents regularly, especially those whose kids were acting up. Sadly, I had little parent support - that was just a negative factor of where I taught. But I knew it was the right thing to do so I persisted. Informing the parents and working *with* them is the only way to address all behavior issues, in my opinion,

[Susan]

Yes, you are correct. There are fallable people in just about every job. I remember a Bill Cosby joke one time: Someone in this country is the worst doctor in the country - and someone else has an appointment with him/her tomorrow. Scary!

I really do sympathize with the difficulty teachers have managing belligerent children. For this reason, it is actually more surprising to me that they waited so long - you'd think they'd want a solution sooner. I offered to them to have a daily communication of her behavior but they said that would be too much work for the teachers. Crazy as that sounds...

Oh well, I've given up trying to figure it out.
:)

Thanks for the comment!

[Marcia Lynx Qualey]

Well, I haven't had a child in school, but I have been a pre-K teacher.

In my school, we had little pink books that went back and forth in the child's backpack every day. At least once a week, I wrote a note home to the parents about the child's progress, behavior, special projects, etc. And I had an aide check the books every day to see if there was anything in them from the parents.

No WAY could or should anything go unmentioned for three months, not at that age.

Of course, now that I've been allowed to be a pre-K teacher, I realize they allow fallible human beings into that job. (God, and they let fallible human beings be DOCTORS, too. That's the worst.) So when Isaac goes to school, I'm going to be all over that teacher's butt. :-)