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April 28, 2004



My daughter's 13-monthday was yesterday. I already don't remember much that happened more than four months ago. Members of my moms' group who have younger kids ask questions about starting solids, even starting finger foods, and I just give them the blank stare. "Hmm, I think finally one week it seemed like every single person we talk to asked if she liked Cheerios, so we figured it was time to try them, and . . . uhh . . . I guess we gave her some one day, and she eventually figured out how to eat them . . . [awkward pause] so, you know, you'll figure it out. We did. [brightening because I suddenly remember something about those days] And Ellie was so cute because she had just figured out her pincer grasp, and she would very carefully get one cheerio between the tips of her thumb and index finger, then bring her knuckles to her mouth, and look perplexed, like she knew the Cheerio was in her hand and now her hand was in her mouth, so why wasn't the cheerio there? Now, of course, she just dumps them onto the floor or feeds them one by one to the dog."


I think the reason I am having two kids and two kids only is that I do remember in excruciating detail everything we did in that first year. The first year with my daughter was challenging, but was also somehow easier. Napping when she napped, living on her schedule.

The first year with my son and a 2.5 year old was hell on earth (for me...other people are easier going and more patient and tolerant of adversity..not me). I know how I did it: Lots of tears and very little grace. I am so happy I have a 3 year old and a 5.5 year old now.


I find that it doesn't matter whether I remember what I did or not, as far as advice goes. Either my friends don't take my advice, or they take it and it doesn't work for them like it did for me, LOL. So I could just be making stuff up for all the good I'm doing anybody. Maybe the only advice that really matters is the reassurance that it does get better.


I remember more about the girls than Seth.He,for some reason,completely threw me into a tail-spin.My boss lady used to give me a hard time about walking around in a zombie-like state for the first year of Seth's life.That is,until,she had her third in October.Ha!Revenge is sweet!lol


Don't hate me because I DO remember Lillianna's first year. Whenever she woke up for a bottle, I scooped her up and brought her downstairs with me on the couch so we wouldn't wake up Rich. I watched "Nick at Nite" while I fed her. "Laverne and Shirley" was ALWAYS on. When she was done, I put her in her bassinet and I fell asleep on the couch next to her. I woke up at some point to take a shower and then she woke up and our day began. I napped whenever she napped. I have always had this "gift" of napping at the drop of a hat. I look back on it and it all seemed so easy.
Last night, NOT so easy. For the first time in 6 1/2 years Lillianna threw up! We are dealing with this vomiting/diarrhea thing now and THIS is the hard part!

Marcia Lynx Qualey

Hah, that's okay. I don't think anyone is expecting you to give them a silver bullet anyhow. (Ah, so THAT'S how I can get Isaac to sleep through the night!)


As a new mom, I've found that many parents get a nasty case of "baby amnesia". When asked "what did you do" their eyes un-focus and I can see them access their memory banks but they come up blank. They can remember the cholic crying, nights where baby woke every hour and a half, and days without a single nap but they just can't quite remember what they did to make it through those tough time. I have a theory that this "baby amnesia" is necessary or why would anyone every have second, or third? So perhaps your misty memories of Emma's first years are merely another case of "baby amnesia" in action!


Well, you must know what you are talking about to be where you are now! LOL I think that the first year of motherhood is intentionally made to harden the weary new mother into such a form that all the bad things of that first year, and all the fixes that ensued when something, eek, actually worked, don't seem to stand out as much as the good times: the first smile, the first coo, when the baby first sits, stands, takes a step. I appreciate any and all advice from a mom who has recently been there, done that; even if she is making the whole piece of it up!

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