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May 06, 2004

Comments

Meg

When I suddenly went from one eight-year-old to an eight-year-old, a five-year-old, and a three-year old, I read the book that Daddy Daycare suggested. In theory, it sounds wonderful - but in reality, you have to have near-perfect children to begin with. It simply did not work for us. Period.

What did work for us was a system of checkmarks - each expectation was written on a wipe-off board. If they did their job well, they got a green checkmark. If they argued or did it poorly, they got a red checkmark. Everytime they did something unexpectedly pleasant, they got a green checkmark, and everytime they went to timeout, they got a red checkmark. Each day, we would tally up the checkmarks, and if the greens outnumbered the reds, they got a green mark for the day. If all three kids got green days all week, we did something special on the weekend. We would go to the zoo, a special park, out for ice cream, or let them go to the video store to pick out a video.

Depending on the kids and their counting ability, you can also let them "buy" special treats with green checkmarks. A trip to the video store could cost 15 checks, and going out for ice cream could cost 20, etc. Just a thought.

Valerie

Ahhh, I need all of these books. I have trouble with the "or else". I constantly feel like I've become my parents.

Emily

Wow.I think I need to read that book as well.Scarey thought.

Nikki

It's a relatively simple answer - you must follow through. I learned it from the ultimate parent - my husband.

This man NEVER raises his voice. He doesn't have to. If there will be consequences, he always follows through. This does mean our children have lost toys to the big green garbage can - several times. They have also been sent away from the dinner table and have accumulated hours of 'time-out' time and weeks of grounding. Eventually they learned to listen the first time and have good manners (and their rooms were clean).

Unfortunately, I am a yeller and also an "or else" parent. I grew up being yelled at and threatened, "or else!" It is all I know. The children do not respond to this nearly as well as my husband's "follow-thru" parenting, as they are much more well-behaved when he is home. Go figure. I guess I am just a slow learner.


Melissa

Just ordered that book from the library, Daddy Day Care.

But I made my mom call me 30 times to ask me to do it and then I said "fiiiiinnnnneeee" and did it but only after she threatened to take away my laptop if I didn't do it.

I just don't see how our kids are a reflection of us? ;-)

daddydaycare

Someone should change Typepad to accept HTML in comments; then we could link directly to books. The book I was trying to link to is:
_How To Behave So Your Children Will Too_, by Sal Severe. It isn't all-encompassing, but gets to the point rather quickly...kids are a reflection of their parents, and I don't know about you, but that makes me wince...

AGK

I think OR ELSE is effective if you stand behind the OR ELSE. I mean, kids should know what the consequences will be, right? So I guess I am an OR ELSE parent. I don't want them to be surprised when a punishment follows. If I were to hear, "You didn't tell me I would be grounded if I didn't clean my room." I would flip ;) It does get better as they get older, yes. But then they get even older and you get to play a whole new game. The one that begins with "Why not?"

Robin

I am praying it's just the age! Lillianna is 6 and boy oh boy can she make a mess! When I ask her to put her toys away she cries, "Do I HAVE to?" I say, "No sweetie. You don't HAVE to. Just leave them and I will give them to a child who has NO toys tomorrow." She yells, "NO!!" and starts cleaning while she is singing, "It's a hard knock life" from Annie! She whines and sings until they are put away. I try to explain if she just put stuff away without arguing for 20 minutes she would have more free time! She can't get that yet. It's so frustrating. I almost want to clean it up myself to avoid an argument but I don't like cleaning all that much!!

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