Another kind of day-care dilemma

By Anne-Marie

I decided that if I was to be serious about freelance writing, I needed some time alone without my children. I wanted large blocks of time and some peace and quiet to write seriously. Nap times were too short and I was often too exhausted at night to write. I could manage it somewhat, but wanted to devote some serious time to my craft.

A new day-care center opened near our home last spring, so I enrolled Nathan and Lucie for one full day a week. Even though I was impressed with the facility and its caregivers, and liked how they structured the children's days, I felt guilty about putting them there. After all, couldn't I just manage to write here and there as I did before? Wasn't being with the kids more important than writing?

As the day approached, I started justifying my decision. I told myself it was easier and cheaper than a summer camp for Nathan. I thought it would be good for him to continue socializing with kids his age and other adults in a preschool-like setting. I figured he'd be fine once he got used to it, especially since he did so well during his first year of preschool.

I felt guiltier about Lucie. At nearly 15 months, she was still a total mama's girl and did not like being away from me. I wondered how she would get along with other children and different caregivers. I calmed my fears by telling myself that she was a social child and had recently done well with a babysitter.

Finally, I shut up my inner critic by telling myself that I had been doing this mothering gig for nearly 4 and a half years and desperately needed a break. I needed time to recharge my batteries and to devote some time to personal goals. Still, I had anxiety dreams for several nights before day care started.

I am happy to report that our first day at day-care was successful. I dropped the kids off without any crying or clinginess. When I came to pick them up, Nathan was excited to tell me about his day. He thanked me for school, as we call it, and told me he could not wait for next week. Lucie was happy to see me, even though she was ravenous and tired. Both kids were singing new songs, and Lucie seemed to have grown up a little as she was more verbal than usual with her demands for cookies, cheese, banana, and a bottle. I think the kids may have even missed each other as they spent dinnertime roaring in each other's faces and laughing.

So what did I do on my first day without the kids? I got a pedicure, went grocery shopping, and then deep cleaned the house for six hours. So much for writing. But now, there is always next week.

Comments

[ziggi]

Speaking of guilt, there's a big website, Daycares Don't Care", that has a lot of information about the negative effects of day care.

The url is:
www.daycaresdontcare.org

Anyone know of some websites with a more positive view of daycare?

[julicia Watson]

i called my husband this morning from the office and asked a simple question...."can u watch the kids while the babysitter (my sister) takes care if some business? since u are on vacation" he replys "what if i had to go to work what would u have done..call me back" now ladies i really had to sit in my office and think... you know what i need some "me" time so i called my husband back and told him" this weekend i am staying at the Sherton hotel, gettin a full make over and spa, ordering room service, and just be "me" and hung up the phone. I really feel i have not thought or been "me" since my first child and i have 4.....so hurray for the "banger sisters!!!"

[tammy]

How I envy you!

[Robin]

One whole day to yourself? I would love that!! My alone time consists of doing the bills in peace and quiet and even that's not a guarantee.

[Anne]

Imagine that. You put Nathan and Lucie in daycare for a whole day and they don't appear to be scarred for life.

Next thing you know, they'll be going off to college and forgetting to call.

Not to worry. Try to remember that whatever else may happen to them in life, it'll be all your fault.

Hope I helped you with that little guilt problem. :-)

[Marcia]

I think you were more productive than I would have been with a free day (6 hours of cleaning? Can you come over here if I watch your kids?).

Seriously, if they're in good care they will be fine, even thrive, and you can have some time to pursue something that fulfills you. You know that saying, "Ain't nobody happy if mama ain't happy?" (or something like that!)...It's ok to take care of YOU too.

[Melissa S]

I would sell my left kidney for one day to do whatever I wanted. I am not kidding. If anyone out there is looking for a pretty healthy kidney, I'd like to sell it in exchange for premium quality childcare for my son and daughter (only during the summer).

You know where to reach me!

[Joye]

Anne-Marie,
I have had my daughter Madison in daycare since she was just 4 months old. Literally. And I used to think, "is a daycare facility really the best idea? Doesn't she need me 24-7?" Now I see the err of my ways...Madi thrives at school (we call it that too). She learns new songs, has lots of little friends, and really takes it all in. She's there five days per week, which is hard, as I'd like to keep her with me 2-3, but I've got to work full time for now.
Enjoy the one day a week off - it's your time to refresh yourself any way you want to. And take some comfort in the knowledge that the kids are enjoying their time at school!

[Emily]

I had big plans for myself when I enrolled Seth in Mother's Day Out.After a year,I can't honestly say I have accomplished much on my list.But I sure have enjoyed my free day each week.