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July 17, 2004

Comments

Helene

For some odd reason David and I had it really together with this whole thing and actually had wills and gardianship worked out before our first child was born.

For us the selection was simple - we choose the couple in our family who's values and ethics matched ours the closest. To this day I still feel 100% comfortable with our choice being David's neice and her hubby. They're our 1st child's god parents too!

Elise

We decided on my parents because they live right nearby and our daughter has a fantastic relationship with them. She sleeps at their house frequently and adores them, so it was a no-brainer. My in-laws live really far away so they understood why it made more sense to go with my parents. When they get older it will likely be my sister, or my sister-in-law depending on the state of her relationship with my husband. We felt lucky that we didn't have to think too hard to make this decision - that there was a fairly easy answer.

Goldberry

My choice was made fairly easily. My husbands parents always talk about how they don't want to be parents because they love too much being grandparents. My parents complain about how they are too old to raise children (my brother is still young and they are mid Fifties). My very first choice was our best friends who live in Maine. They are perfect. But, things happened and they called and turned us down. My second choice is my stepsister and her hubby. We were never close until we moved out of the house. Now, we are close as can be and she is my number one choice. My second choice would be those friends in Maine, since they have solved their issues. I love them!!

VJ

When I was about 12, my parents asked my younger brother and I who we would want to be our legal guardians if something happened to them, and gave us three choices. We told them who we preferred (close friends) and my parents incorporated it into the updated will. I was grateful that we had input into such an important decision.

For Tony, Angelo and I decided that my parents would be our first choice, and close friends our second. But now that my brother is settled and has a family of his own, we are going to, this week update our will to have my brother and his wife be our second choice.

angela marie

We have 4 children, so it is quite a big deal to ask someone to be a 'parent' to them, if my husband and I were to die. We decided my sister and her husband were the best choice. She loves them dearly (so does he) and she was raised in the same stable home that I was. We share values and beliefs. My husband's family life was more unstable. We didn't think that adding the kids to one of his siblings' lives would be a good thing. The hardest part is the call to the lawyer. Just do it!

Shelley

It is a tough choice, and after 15 years of parenthood, we still haven't been able to make it.

Melissa S

My understanding (from my own lawyer...my stepfather) is that if there is no will and no guardian, relatives would not automatically get the children, but, since it's in the child's best interest (and the state's best interest) they would do their best to place your child with an appropriate relative.

With that said, I struggled with this choice for a couple of years, but as my relationship with my in laws deteriorated to the point it's at now...I realized I had to name someone or they would fight tooth and nail to have my children. (The thought of them raising my babies makes my soul ache.)

I struggled because my brother and his wife have made a concious decision not to have any children of their own. I didn't think they would want to take our kids because of this. However, when we asked them they were more than thrilled and have since become the named guardians for my sister in laws neice as well.

It's a very very difficult decision....and such an awful thing to really think about.

RobinP

When Lillianna was born my sister Kara was 23, single and living with her boyfriend. She was still "clubbing" and having fun as she should at that age. I didn't want her to have to change her lifestyle and be a mom if something happened to me and Rich. We decided to name our friends Kristy and Jerry as guardians. They were 40 and 46 at the time and their kids were teenagers. A few years ago Kara insisted that if something happened to us then Lillianna belonged with her. She wanted her and that was that. We changed our will. I would've named Kara in the first will but I really and truly didn't want her to be bitter and resent our precious child. It really is quite an undertaking to raise someone else's child. Kara loves Lillianna and now that she is almost 29 she is in a different point in her life. Rich and I both agreed that Kara was our best choice.

Also our lawyer told us that if something happened to us and we didn't have a will then Lillianna would go to the state. Relatives would NOT be allowed to take her if there was no will. If I were you I would get that will written up soon!

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