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August 24, 2004

Comments

betty

My daughter walked at 15 months and she turned out fine. My baby is just starting to crawl at 10 1/2 months, and shows no interest in standing. No hurry here. I just remind people that our baby doesn't know there is a competition or a schedule that she should be keeping.

Lisa

I too was hung up on the competition and not the journey. We called my daughter the "pointer sister" because she didn't talk until she was three. After years of speech, the child spoke in complete sentences (perfectly), couldn't tie her shoes in kindergarten (teacher taught her right handed and she is left), and still hasn't mastered the skill of riding a bike at 10! It is a matter of will with her. In her own time, when she was ready, the milestones were accomplished and with perfection. There is no rushing her. Even now I find myself thinking what her classmates are doing and what she is "lacking". Actually she lacks nothing, it is me who is lacking. The twins will do things in their timeframe. They probably don't have a "need" to walk as they are content with crawling. As it ends up the so called advanced babies (now in 5th grade) aren't any more accomplished than my daughter. In fact, she is way more in tune with feelings, more independent and overall better adjusted. I learned that no matter where she is in life, no matter how hard I push, she is her own person. Happy, proud of her accomplishments and more advanced than most of her peers. Let the twins crawl until they are ready and then watch as they outpace the early walkers because they will probably be running instead of walking.

Amanda

Count your blessings! My son walked at 9 months - thank god there's only ONE of him!! I can't imagine what it'll be like for you to wrangle TWO crazy toddlers.

VJ

I'm a singleton, and I didn't walk until I was at least 13 months.

My younger brother, on the other hand, was walking as fast as he could when he was nine (9!) months old!

Don't worry about your children. As long as the doctor says they are healthy, happy and thriving you have nothing to worry about.

Your question about milestones for me was potty training. I have a friend whose nearly-five-year old is still in diapers. This child's younger brother was the same way, and I was bound and determined that Tony would NOT be wearing diapers when he started kindergarten.

Michelle

I'm kind of late to comment on this, but I have been hung up on it, too. My little guy is in a playgroup with eleven other babies, all around the same age. My little guy didn't crawl until 11 months, didn't do finger foods until 13 months, and is still cruising furniture at 14 months. Every kid in the playgroup mastered these things months earlier. I stopped worrying about it, finally, and convinced myself that my kid is more interested in intellectual pursuits. Our little guy loves to peruse a book or magazine page by page, examine a toy from every single angle imagineable, and voices his thoughts in much more many sounds and combinations than the other kids in the group.

We've read that babies are genetically programmed for when they will reach these milestones as soon as they are conceived and we don't have a helluva lot of control over it, anyway.

Anne-Marie

Lucie, born 4 weeks early, didn't walk until 15 months. And now she's climbing everything.

Nathan, born 7 weeks early, didn't walk until 19 months. And now he's a fabulous athlete.

Don't worry! They walk, run, climb, and do everything they're supposed to do on their own schedule.

daddydaycare

Twins are not necessarily slower. I think many people get told that and just assume it. Our twins were walking at 10 months -- our single isn't yet walking at 13 months. I think it's conditioning, parenting, and of course, genetics. Truth is, it really doesn't matter -- and it is easier to have them walking later.

Go to my website and watch my recent video, blowtorch, to see what 2 1/2 year old twins are capable of...bikes, playgounds, climbing, utter devastation, etc. Some of that was shot as recently as two weeks ago. Quicktime required. We just expose our kids to things and then let them gravitate to what they like -- at that point, you'll see milestones fall like crazy. We're attacking the diaper milestone right now with the twins -- and honestly, we're losing. Que sera sera.

I do get a real kick out of people making assumptions and correcting them. "So they are four?" someone asks. "No, two," I reply. "So are they identical?" another asks. "Boys and girls can't be identical," I say matter-of-factly. It gets old, but it's part of having twins. Good luck with your twinkies.

kelly

I truly think that milestones are a cruel invention of the medical and educational establishment. Each child is different and when we spend so much time comparing and contrasting, we miss the immense beauty in the child in that moment. It took some difficult eye-opening experiences for me to understand this.

Lunasea

My perfectly healthy, happy son was the last in his playgroup to crawl and walk (finally at 15 months). I am appalled to find myself wishing he'd do SOMETHING first, or at least in the first half, or even not last. But he has always done things on his own timetable - he was born 2 weeks late and even that was after 6 *days* of induction. So I'm learning to not sweat it what I can't control, and just relax about it. Maybe he'll potty train early.....

Robin P

Lillianna never ever crawled but she walked at exactly 13 months. She is our one and only child and I didn't feel like she was behind other kids. Who cares? Even when it came time to potty train she just had no interest. Finally at 3 she did it WHEN SHE WAS READY! I am a firm believer that kids will do what they want when the time is right FOR THEM! Just enjoy every milestone when it happens and don't wish that it had happened sooner because in the long run it doesn't matter at all. If other mothers want to feel superior because their child did something before yours then that is sad. It's not a competition. Life is to be enjoyed so enjoy it and don't worry...they will walk eventually and then they won't stop and you will be running and running and running and running after them!
Enjoy this rest while you have it.

Helene

I know I did a bit with my first. But experience is powerful tool, so with my second I wasn't as much concerned with having my child "keep up with the baby jones" Besides, with my second -- which I knew would also be my last -- I never wanted her to reach the next development milestone, for I knew once she reached it, their was no going back.

They grow up so fast - don't worry about milestones, just enjoy the journey.

Mary

I think many moms (and parents in general) look at all these things as validation of their parenting skills. Walking, self feeding, potty training ... as if just the fact that your child does these things one month earlier than another child means that you are a better parent??? HA, I say!

This is how I put it into perspective - just because your child(ren) has walked (or talked or potty trained or ....) earlier than another - does that mean they are going to get into a better college? Have more successful relationships? Make more money? Live a longer, happier, healthier, more fulfilled life? The answer to these - and all of the questions that really matter in life - is a resounding NO. Give yourself permission to get out of the competition and enjoy the wonderfulness that is baby and toddlerhood - it goes by quick enough as it is!

And for the record, I had one that walked at 9 months, and one at 14 - so either I lost all of my "essential" parenting skills between the 1st and 2nd kid, or the same thing that everyone else has said is true - they'll do it when they are ready!

rachel

You're exactly where I was a month and a half ago: thirteen months old, couldn't walk, all his friends were walking by their first birthdays. Now he's tearing around the house on two legs like his butt's on fire. It's a question of temperament as much as anything else, I think. It just took him a while to see the POINT, since he could already get at everything he wanted to by crawling.

The minute they realize walking is fun/cool/a great way to make your day twice as hard, there will be no stopping them. In the meantime, I know it's hard to remember, but count yourself lucky!

Analee

My baby took his first step when he turned 11 months old HOWEVER, he has yet to reach some of the other "milestones". Each baby is different. So, just enjoy the ride and do not worry.

As for your colleague, just keep your temper in check and just dismiss him as insensitive and "ignorant".

Jo

I guess it's in the back of my mind. I don't have much to compare Liam to, and so far, he's been right on track with the big things. He is one of a few babies in my playgroup that are between the ages of 6 - 10 months, and a few of the boys started crawling around 6, when he just started at 8. But I didn't really think twice about it, as I know from my experience studying child development that there is a wide range of normal, and unless something more serious is suspected re: a delay, my kiddo will thrive when he is ready. Now that he can crawl, he is standing and showing the early signs of walking - and he is just shy of 9 months. So, right now, I;m not focusing on it.

From another perspective, I also think that every kid typically HAS something that they struggle with - be it crawling or walking "late," talking "late," perhaps a speech issue, or when they get older, a hard time with math. In the end, every child will have something they need to work on - I don't want to get too hung up on ways that Liam isn't quite when he needs to be, as those things are what make us normal people. He'll have to work extra hard at those things that are hard for him, just like other kids might have to deal with a handicap, delay, or missing a milestone.

It drives me NUTS when people make these out to be life-altering events in a kid's life. My nephew didn't crawl - he only scooted. And his whole family eyed him suspiciously from 9 months onward because because "crawling is a NECESSARY milestone." I have since heard differently - perhaps it was once thought to be tied directly to brain development, but I think making a huge deal out of it puts pressure on the kid, parents, etc in an uncessary way. G walks just fine now; he is an active, healthy 3 year old boy. I don't think his lack of crawling did him any harm...

Sorry to go off here, but sometimes, I get crabby at people who have "that" response, well-meaning or with concern --

sabrina

I wouldn't worry about the walking...my singleton daughter didn't walk until 17.5 months..she took a couple of steps at 13 months and then went back to crawling, then one day she was up and gone and at almost 3 she hasn't stopped yet!

Chana

Unfortunately YES! I think we all look to some kind of schedule which is ridiculous but true.

My son didn't talk for the longest. He never had an ear infection but we discovered that his ears were in fact full of fluid. As soon as we got tubes put in, he started talking and hasn't stopped yet.

Your children will walk when they are ready and you won't be able to keep up! ;)

emily

When I had my first daughter,I was very hung up on the milestones,I'm ashamed to say.I pushed her to do things first and faster.I totally let her babyhood slide away,missing it,not enjoying it.I learned not to do this(the hard way)you can't regain lost time.I enjoyed my other two being babies.They have a lifetime to be independant and not need me.I just wish I had realized this earlier.

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